I am realizing I need help coping with my elderly husband.

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My husband is 76, I am realizing he is showing signs of aging. I see him sleeping allot during the day. Saturday I took my granddaughter shopping and came home and he had fallen asleep while cooking and the house was full of smoke and pan was black. His driving is deteriorating. Poor memory. And he gets very upset and frustrated with himself and me.

13 Comments

Hopefully he will cooperate in a full medical exam including cognitive testing. Your description sounds like early dementia of some kind. The cooking scare and driving issues can't be ignored.
Windy is right, time for hubby to have a full medical exam. it could be something as simple as his blood pressure pills are too strong [if he takes them], I know at one time that zoned me out, I was really tired.

Or something as simple as sheer boredom. When one retires from work and has no plans on what to do when they retire, sleep makes the time go by faster.

Could he help you with things around the house? Housework is excellent exercise. Or could he do volunteer work? That is always rewarding.
There are lots of causes for excessive daytime sleepiness. Time for a medical exam.
I agree get him to Dr. And you give a note to Dr. before you go in of all the diff. happenings. Every little thing like asking same questions, telling same stories, sleeping, leaving stove on etc. Do you have to tell him when to turn when he's driving. He may be frustrated because he can't remember like he used to. Please be as patient as you can as sounds like my husband now we dementia/alz. If you are calm like no big thing he may stay calm. If Dr says start of dementia find a support group to help prepare you for what is to come. Read all you can. Remember you are not alone. God be with you.
Of course I agree with all the other comments regarding a medical check-up. That's how we started with my husband, who had started repeating himself endlessly without any awareness of having said the same thing over and over. Our internist gave him a brief test and then referred my husband to a neurologist, who diagnosed him with mild cognitive impairment.

There's an additional issue thT you may be dealing with. Does your husband snore a great deal? Is he overweight? That daytime tiredness could be due to sleep apnea. People with the condition stop breathing at tines during sleep and are exhausted the next day. You might want to have your husband tested for that as well. Good luck to you. I am just beginning this journey with my husband. It's scary but it's talk me to enjoy each day that we still have together.
Be aware that even WITH a proper dx, your hubby may be like mine--if he is home, he is asleep. He's only 64, but sleeps 3-4 full days and nights per week. He doesn't see anything wrong with this---he fits his amazing bouts of sleep into his full time work week by sleeping all w/e, every weekend and usually taking a day off during the week. He has been checked for everything--but he will NOT control his diabetes, won't wear his CPAP, won't exercise, and says to "leave him alone"....so I do. These are our "golden years" and by choice, he is sleeping them away. He only cares about work, he doesn't so anything around the house, so it's just me.

I hope your hubby wants to get feeling better. Mine doesn't.
My husband says he has a retirement agenda but everyday is my back hurts I'm going lay down. Sometimes too much medicine & over sleeps. Goes to bed every night at the same time cause he can. He could sleep all the time cause he's retired. There is no where he has to be but those things haven't changed since retirement. It's just like when he worked he took every opportunity to work instead of being with the kids & me for the money he said. And to go shopping or anything related to walking along way, forget it. 10 minutes tops. He can drive & get there, you just may not see anything or have fun so those golden years are slipping away real fast. At one point he tried to blame me for him not retiring sooner of which I don't really remember. The part I do remember is not talking about how much money or not we had to survive on. He finally got SSD from his company but I had years before retirement SS would kick in. I'm staying at my Mom's off & on & doing the caregiver thing. Her house is much better than mine. She has sitters but I still have bills, insurance, estate stuff to finish up & time for myself if I plan it or not..sometimes stuff just happens. I want to go home an hour away but when I do go there is really no reason almost to care to be there. My house has needed repairs since Katrina & all the other storms that followed her. Insurance didn't pay off hurricane deductible was raised & sort of slipped by our faces without noticing. So lack of communication & money have been an issue. If my house had been fixed, it would be a no brainer...I could move back home & take my Mom with me. He wants me to come home because he is lonely & I'm sure he is looking for someone to take care of him. He doesn't see how I've been there done that already. I am working on that issue but to me the future looks bleak. We are going to have to pack up everything & relocate to get all these repairs done. Three contractors told him that. I'm not sure it will ever happen or that there is enough money to fix everything. But I have been doing therapy for years & am still doing that just to keep my sanity.
freq ,
between housework and volunteering to do free work , id really rather sit here in my corner and stab at the spiders with my butcher knife . in my mind its the winter of 1944 , were in the depths of the belgian forest and the spiders are all SS men . ever since the murder at malmedy we have instructions to end the SS on sight . no prisoners . we havent the accomodations or resources to care for them . thwap , bap , splat ..
Then why aren't you having him diagnosed by a neurologist? Contrary to popular belief, dementia is NOT a symptom of aging.
For the couple ladies above, who feel they are missing their golden years, due to the actions or inactions of their husbands, I 've had this issue with mine too. He doesn't want to travel; doesn't want to fly to see the grandkids; only wants to sit home in front of the TV or go to the shooting range with his friends. He, too, used to sleep a lot in day time, until he got consistent with the CPAP machine after heart surgery, but he's still not active at all. His Parkinson's is slowing him down too, naturally, though he's still self care. SO...in between all the caregiving issues I have first with both parents, now just Mom....I just decide what I am doing...and tell hubby if he wants to go along, I would love for him to, and I would....but if he says he doesn't want to... (almost all the time....) I just make my reservations and tell him when I will be gone. I fly to see my family up in WA state. I go down to Phoenix to see my other daughter and family....and if I had time for girlfriends, I would be planning time with them too. If you do not know whether or not you have the funds to do this, then find out. You are entitled to enjoy your own life. After seeing what dementia and Alzheimer's does to people's retirement plans, I am not waiting around for 'a better day' to do what I enjoy! I am taking a break every few months....and doing what brings me rest and happiness. It keeps me going with the caregiving to get a week off every few months and a break from all that stuff, and I'm letting a lazy husband keep me from doing it.

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