I took my mum abroad 5 times after dad died. I did everything for her. I took my mum out shopping and every Saturday night for years took her to bingo. K am the eldest of 6 children . Then two years ago I get breast cancer. Mum rings me up shouting at me calling me distant and uncaring and telling me how my sisters been wonderfull to her the past year ect. J say to mum I've been ill mum and you know at the moment I am having 20 days of radiotherapy. We all promised to keep a eye on my aunt with severe learning difficulties when dad was dying. After hd died m put her in a home and no one visited her. I did. I took her out.she died in February I did her funeral again mum phoned saying she's next of kin when she's not mh other aunt in Australia is. I'm 57 yrs old and I have had to distance myself now for my sanity . Mh childhood was terrible. Fights with blood everywhere and they were drunk most of the time. Enough is enough. My brother and sister see her most days. I was executor to her will with my brother. She's took my name off as executor and put my sisters on. Nasty. This all started because I got breast cancer. Nasty. It's split our family up. Dad would of been so upset.
My middle sister died suddenly on her 70th birthday. Mother did not even attempt to go to the funeral home. Her adult grandsons offered to practically carry her there. We did not ask her to go to the funeral, just go pay her respects. Nothing doing.
Mother is 95 and quite healthy at the nursing home. So, I understand how you are being treated. Build boundaries. Also, not to be morbid, but make certain that your own will is iron glad and how you want it. It sounds like your family could cause trouble.
I understand why you need to distance yourself from this toxic situation. It Is Not Your Fault.
Take care of you, including staying out of drama and stress your mentally ill mom causes.