JeanetteB Posted April 2014

My "whine moment today". What's yours?

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I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.

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freqflyer Aug 2014
Oh gosh, my Dad scheduled a doctor appointment for my Mom without telling me, or checking to see if I was even going to be available. He's never done that before, but I think he was trying to help Mom who looking for that magical hearing aid that doesn't exist.

Thank goodness I asked him who is the name of this new ear doctor who says he can help Mom. Dad said not to worry, he already made an appointment. When is that? Tomorrow at 4pm. Sorry, Dad, you will have to cancel that appointment as I have something scheduled myself that I really need to attend.

I don't know what Dad was thinking, guess he thought he was doing something good but forgot he has to schedule these things through me, because my significant other or myself are my parents' wheels. We are both employed and can't at the last minute leave the building, except for emergencies. And this isn't an emergency :0
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captain Aug 2014
f*ck them cats--
eh , wrong thread , nevermind ..
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pamstegma Aug 2014
toomuch, if she screams at her son and hits him, she will hit your dad too. Her reaction to stress does not change from one person to the next. You are dealing with someone who may be bipolar or just plain violent.
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toomuch4me Aug 2014
Fligirl, sorry to confuse and alarm you the HHA hits and yells at her son each day, not my father. Sorry for the confusion.
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JeanetteB Aug 2014
Dadshelper!! You live in Oregon? Me too!! Have you contacted the Agency for Aging yet? At the least you can get 5 hours a week of paid respite!!

It does sound like you need a nice long break, so look into some free respite care! As far as going crazy?..been there done that have the shirt and decided crazy is a good thing if you're a caregiver :)
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My whine moment ...been sitting around for days cuz Dad is feeling bad and not in mood to go anywhere. I did get groceries yesterday as we needed things but he didn't go. So today I decide to rake the leaves, clean driveway & wash car & Dad gets dressed (1st time since Friday when he got bath) andask me when are we going? Going where I ask & he says to store. Told him I went yesterday. Then he asks me for the keys to the car! Hah! He doesn't know how to hook up the 02 bottle nor can he see to drive. Thought I should let him go with or without 02 and see how long before he crashes into something but then I think nope, there goes my vehicle! LOL! It seems when I make a plan for us he is too tired or he is constipated. He thinks if I go to store alone that is my little piece of "freedom" from him and when he feels up to going somewhere I should jump at the chance to haul around 02, get an ol fart cart for him to ride, and let him go thru EVERY aisle at Walmart no matter how long it takes. Yay. Plus when we do go anywhere within 10 minutes he has to pee so we have to find bathroom quickly or he'll wet his pants. God knows how many times he had to dry them with the hand dryer in the public restrooms! I know I should be more accommodating as he is in end stage COPD but come on now, to sit around while he sleeps & gets his energy up, which takes 4 days, and then be ready to say how high when he's ready to jump is frustrating! I am looking into the Senior Companion program and hopefully they can come take him places and hang out with other 85 yr olds. I am 58 and hanging with a bunch of oldies for hours is not my cup of tea. He needs the outside stimulation and I need moments for myself. I have no support group except this site. My daughter lives 2 hours away but is working & doesn't have time to come up here a lot and my son, who just had a baby in March, lives in Alaska so coming to Oregon is tough for him. I haven't seen any of my friends since april 2013 nor my son for that matter! I miss my kids and my friends and although I know I'm the only one who agreed to take care of dad when no one else would, there is only so much of him I can take. Having a child 24/7 is fine as they need guidance. Having a dying 85 yr old with no physical energy, memory loss and unable to care for himself properly is the hardest thing I have ever done! the docs gave him 6 months about 3 months ago and sometimes I think this is it but then he comes alive a bit and I wonder if he'll last longer. It would be nice for him to outlast that 6 month thing but for me it would not. I have seen him go from 192lbs down to 168lbs in the past 4 months, watched his breathing get worse (but he still smokes his e cig) and gone thru so many bouts of constipation that why in God's name would someone want to live this way? Sometimes I think he hasn't come to terms with what he needs to do before he goes and he may think that if he doesn't address it then he will live longer. I've told him that if I ever got to the point he is at, I would take more meds to go quicker. He has no quality of life although he thinks he does because he is still "upright" as he says. He can't make a sandwich so he eats chips unless I fix something, he can't shower alone (we have bath aide), he can't drive because he as macular degeneration in one eye & other eye is losing its sight, and he needs 4L of 02 24/7. But for him being still alive he thinks he's doing great. It's a shit life the way he's living now. Like he's just waiting to go in his sleep. He depends on me for everything and sometimes I just need a break and right now I need a long break as I have done this for 1.5 yrs without a break. I did have a part time job which was wonderful as it got me connected with others but when Dads health went downhill, Hospice said I shouldn't work as he will need more care now. So I haven't worked in almost 4 months and I am going crazy!! I just want this to be over so I can get back to life and get a job so I can retire with some income. No one knows when someone is going to die and even though there are signs that point to "soon", how soon is soon? Months, weeks, years? Not sure how long I can do this alone. I miss my family and life.
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freqflyer Aug 2014
Countrymouse, regarding my Dad thinking Mom could have an ear operation.... I know he wouldn't have a clue about cochlear implants.... just guessing, he might have thought a surgeon could go in and scrap out the flaking calcification inside Mom's ear which makes it now difficult for her to use her current hearing aid.

About 3 hours ago I also had trouble with posting on the website.... wrote someone long and the system said it didn't go through... of course it disappeared :0
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BoniChak Aug 2014
Tonight is the party, OUT DOORS, and I just found out that they are spraying our neighborhood for West Nile tonight! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I can't fit all these people in the house. H*ll, I barely have room for all the food and presents! Big Whine!
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fligirl58 Aug 2014
OMG she is physically and emotionally abusing your father. CALL THE POLICE. I say that with all the love in the world.
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toomuch4me Aug 2014
My whine is the usual. I thought there was a break through. A couple of weeks ago our HHA came in very late. She told me she was coming in late, but did not tell my father. Needless to say he was very upset. When she came in he told her off, finally. We stood our ground together and agreed that it would be best if she went home for the day. She vowed not to come back. On top of that we let my sister (who pays her ) know exactly what happened. But rather than address the situation, my sister waited for her to bring the situation to her attention which she never did. I was certain that this woman would be fired once and for all. Nope. She continues to bring her child every day and leaves him with me and my children when she and my father run errands because my father doesnt want to be bothered taking him along. Not only that but she screams at him and hits him through out the day. So of course he is crying loudly. This goes on until they leave. This has taken place for the entire summer. It is clear nothing is going to ever change. Although my father says he is taking back control of his home, she gets angry when I have the "nerve" to tell her what to purchase etc. Everyone walks on egg shells with this woman. She has taken over our home.
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