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I am unable to find this thread so I will start a new one. I am so angry and have been for the last 3 days. NOthing unusual has happened to make me this way. I am angry all the time but I usually can control it. I want to pull my hair out and break anything I can get my hands on but I won't. I am having my boys and their girlfriends for dinner in addition to a family friend for spaghetti today. I made a chocolate cake and the oven is off and so I burned it without really knowing. I looked at the bottom and it was so burned that I just threw it away. This is not the first cake I have burned in the oven but at least they were edible. When I get like this I have trouble hiding it and I get a nasty tone and guess where it goes on my poor mom. I don't mean it but I am so trapped in this house that I am going crazy. The caregiver came again yesterday and mom said she liked her which is good so I left the room and went to my room where I spend a lot of my time. I cannot leave yet until all is settled with my car but when I can I hope to God I come back. Its too hot to walk anywhere so I stay here all the time. I know this is not unusual and everyone is going through it, I just thought that if I expressed it maybe somehow I might feel better. Thanks for listening.

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Hi Fligirl - My mom's dementia started when she was 85 (she lived another 10 yrs) but she wasn't asking if dead relatives were alive (I read your bio). And it sounds as though you have a pretty good support system. At the beginning, I felt a lot of the same things you're feeling, (ie) it could be worse, others are doing it, etc., and wondering how to prepare for a situation without any given time frames.

And I started to hate the tag 'temporary' that folks would put on it. A few months is temporary, then you find yourself pulling pages off the kitchen calendar like a prisoner in a jail cell.

I started gardening to save my sanity. It allowed me to go play in the dirt, beautify my surroundings and still be close by to fix meals, meds etc. & respond in case of an emergency. It was also calming.

And what Captain said is true... after it's over - your life will resume; but it will be in a different time zone. Or should I say 'life zone'. Kinda like 'Back to the Future' :) And you will find yourself looking at people, places and things with a different set of eyes (like Captain indicated) because your priorities will have shifted.

But the chunk of time used to give care, also left me (and many many others) at an age of being unemployable. I don't know when your Care Giving Safari began, but try to stay in contact via emails, chat, text and LinkedIn with former co-workers. Hopefully it will help your re-entry into civilization.

Right now - I'm struggling with my 'filter' as they call it. When my mom passed a week ago - my filter left with her.
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The latest round of mama-drama (mission: move back in with my sister from the NH) has my whole GI system (and my sister's) in utter turmoil. Trying to eat healthy.
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fligirl58, one way I find a thread is go to the very upper right hand corner of this screen.... you will see a long narrow box that says [ Search Site ].... type in what you are looking for, example "whine moment" then click on the box next to it that looks like a magnifying glass..... up will pop all the threads that have to do with whine :)
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Got it thanks book
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your life is hijacked right now fligrl , even your thought process . when your caregiving has ended youll have 24 hours a day to pursue your own interests . i realized while canning tomatos in the garage last week that that was where my life left off 7 yrs ago when i went to live with mom . youll get back to living on your own behalf and with a renewed vigor and a peace of mind that non carers will never understand .
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My kindle froze. I couldn't delete those words"type your comments and experiences here". Tried several times. Then it froze again. Had to do a quick on and off. Glad it didn't delete my comments. I figured to hit the submit button before it froze again. Time to reboot the kindle.
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Type your comments and experiences here.
How to find a specific thread/discussion:
1. See on the top right, a box with your ACCOUNT. Click on NEWS FEED. Every discussion that you commented on, you will find the latest person who commented on it. Just keep scrolling down until you find it.

2. Click on MORE. Click ACTIVITY. This will show your comments and HUG . Scroll down until you find it.

3. Click MORE. Click FOLLOWING. When you comment on a discussion, you're automatically"Following" it. Scroll until you find it.

4. On the way top right, SEARCH for it by typing "whine"....
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Oh and the gas company is coming out to regulate the oven so I just may be able to bake a cake and not burn it. lol
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Thanks ypiffani, I was just talking to a care provider who calls to check on me every now and then. I am just trying to put things into perspective. I am my own worst enemy. My mom sleeps all the time and is never mean to me but I am afraid of what is going to happen and where my life will end up. I keep trying to reason with myself but I just tell my self that I am selfish and do not even have it that hard. The problem is never getting away, I think once I can have some time away from this house, things might be more reasonable in my head. I feel for you and everyone on this website. I feel like I have no right to complain but yet I do. I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry but I have always done that, not a problem at all. Mom makes it to the bathroom and thankfully is constipated from the oxy, she is in severe pain all the time. She used to have really bad diarrhea which still scares me. I feel that is one thing that I will not be able to do, it grosses me out. Just trying to a grip now while its not that bad so that maybe when it does get worse I will still be alive to handle it. Thanks
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I feel your pain. I used to love baking but my burnout is so bad I don't even feel joy in that anymore. I escape to my room all of the time as well. It is reassuring to know I am not alone in feeling trapped. Though I wish for all of us who do feel that way that there were a better avenue, a better way to care for someone you love without losing so much of yourself. I am having a lost moment right now. I have spent the past hour bawling and borderline hysterical. I really hope he gets placed soon I can't do this anymore.
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I'm sorry. I had that feeling as well. Its so hard to care for someone and every little thing seems magnified and worse because you never get a break. Having your kids over sounds fun, I love to cook for my family. I hope you get a break soon. Stay cool!
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