My dad passed Dec. 2010 and ever since then our (me and 3 brothers) lives have been a living nightmare with our mom. I could not possibly begin to tell the stories of all that has happened, I don't even remember a lot anymore as we pass from phase to phase, game to game, etc..
Immediately after his death it didn't seem right. She seemed more concerned about how SHE was going to get by rather than his passing. We spent the next couple years tip-toeing around her and not saying anything rather than confronting her (our fault). She acted like we needed to be entertaining her all the time. I could hang out with her 5 days in a row and if I wasn't on the 6th day she was complaining to people how I was too busy for her. It got to the point where myself, my husband, and boys couldn't take a vacation or go to a park (we live in Orlando) without her because if she found out there would be drama or massive guilt and it wasn't worth it, so we stayed home. She is super helpless and as soon as she gets around anyone she acts like she can't do a thing for herself and is asking for help. I am talking unbelievable so. I would spend 30min. on the phone with her trying to explain simple times, dates etc. and she repeatedly says the wrong time/date. Yet if she knows I'm coming over at 2:00 you can bet she is calling me on the dot asking where I am. She also can't/won't (?) follow a conversation so every single time you say something she responds with, "What do you mean?" and I have to repeat it. I hate those words with a passion. It's so deflating. Of course, she's been doing that one for years and years. We can look back now and see that a lot of these behaviors were there even before my dad passed. If I could go back I would have taken her out for the day more often to give him a break. He was a great man. Anyways, there is so much more but there's a little background :)
Nov. 2013-- We are all worn out.. She is back in FL (she has two homes, one in Fl and one in TX) and my brother sensing my foreseeable breakdown :) offers to bring her back to TX for the holidays. Oh joy! I think she sensed everyone getting tired of her and outside people started acting shocked that her husband died 3yrs ago when she was still acting like he died the day before. My brother was leaving town for 3 days and was calling me saying she better not pull some stunt. She did.
Dillard's (that was the first of many, many random people calling us) called an hour before he was to leave saying she was there and not doing well. Hyperventilating, dizzy, shakes (I'm not even going to get into that one), but all better when she was picked up.
She started obsessing on, "What's wrong with me?" She stayed in TX for 6 months going to numerous doctors who could find nothing wrong. Numerous testing because she seemed to fit dementia, but that was ruled out many times. One nuero told her that once her head was fixed then her feet would be fixed (whole different story, but so funny because her feet are such an issue and she uses a scooter...when it gets her attention:) They tried different meds which she freaks out on, but when she is taken off she is freaking out about. You can't get a clear answer because she acts like a child and can't explain her symptoms. It's a vicious cycle. Some of those meds also took her social filter completely off...not good.
She then spent 3 months in a treatment facility where we were all hoping it would help her out and give us some answers. Not so much, but in the weekly therapy calls it did give us the strength to set boundaries and be more honest with her. Turns out honesty goes right over her head, so it is basically for our well being.
Btw- She was also tested again for numerous things in this facility with nothing coming up.
The confusion, not finishing sentences is out of control. I have shut down her driving and the next try is IL...I started coming to this site a couple months ago and it helps so much. Even though she has not been diagnosed with ALH/DEM the stories are so similar it is comforting. You all go through so much, hugs to you.
Certain words that we have figured out about our mom and words flung out by the doctors and treatment facility---depression, anxiety, needy, self-pity, fear to do anything by herself, manipulative, factitious disorder, malingering, pseudodementia, dependent personality disorder.
Thanks for letting me vent and I hope there is an end to this. I really do love my mom, she can be a very sweet woman, I just don't like what she is doing.
Btw- she is 66 years young
Any words of wisdom?