My Mother is destroying me mentally!
My mother is destroying me mentally! Me and my mother use to get along before her and my father divorced. After the divorce, drama and pain. Me and my little brother were split apart; me living with my mother, brother living with my dad. My mother grew up as a person to let men take care of her. That's how her dad taught her to be like. When she married my father, she was a military wife, hardly worked bc she had kids to take care of.
Now she is divorced from 20 years and decided to get back with my father 3 years later. They were together for 5 years; her living in his house. They are now not together (my father kicked her out) and she is now living with me and my daughter (3 yrs old). My mother makes me feel as if I am responsible for her. I work everyday and I am a 24/7 mommy. Before my mother moved in with me, I told her she needs to pay $250 in rent, pay half of the electric bill, and half of the cable bill bc my mother is the kind of person to have men take care of her, and I am not going to be taking care of no adult, especially one who gets half on a retirement check and an SSI check and does not work and I have to take care of me and my daughter.
My mother makes me feel as if I owe her something in life. When I use to live with my mother (when she had her low-income apt), I was paying her bills and was working at Taco Bell mon-Sunday. I was 17 years old at the time. I was helping my mom so much that I could not afford my cap and gown for graduation. My mother was getting money, but wanted all of my money. There was a time when I told her that I could not pay her bills bc I was trying to save for a car, and she kicked me out (my clothes were in black trash bags outside the door). I was still 17 going through this, so I had stayed with a close friend.
My mother always wants things her way, and when she does not get her way, she makes me feel like I am the most terrible person in the world. My little brother never had money so he would ask my mother and father for money. My mother knew she could not go to him for money, so she came to me bc I am always a working woman. My mother is always asking me for money, and she be having money. She horrible with managing her money. She likes to go shopping and spends most of her money on beer and cigarettes.
My grandmother passed away 10/23/14. I understand that she is gone, but since that, my moms' been giving this "I don't give a f%#*" attitude toward people (especially me though). When my dad kicked her out, she started comparing me to him in a negative way bc I work and take care of my household, so I feel as if she thinks I am like her spouse or sponsor. So when I tell her how I feel about things, she says "you treat me just like how your father treats me, like s%#*!". My mother drinks beer everyday now and that drains me mentally bc I don't want my daughter growing up around that in her household. I tell my mom about it but we end up arguing. She tells me " I am your mother, I am grown, your grandmother use to do it around yawl when yawl were babies, so get off my back about my beer".
It took a long time for my mother to be a grand parent to my daughter. My mother to be very stingy with her grandparenting. I use to pay $748 a month for daycare while mother would just sit in the house all day doing nothing but drink her beer. When I would ask for help, she would say "I need my me time". Now she keeps her now that my daughter is in head-start (and headstart does not cost anything).
My mother is getting better with her grandparenting skills, but when we are in a bad space, she uses my daughter to get back at me, knowing that I need her help. I just want to get away from her now! But I know that my mom does not have anywhere to go. I feel that my mother manipulates me, she wants me to feel bad for her bc of her situation, and she keeps throwing in my face that I am going to leave her out there to be homeless.
My mother still have family in Chicago. She does not want to go back there bc my grandmother passed away there. My grandfather is still living, and all of her sisters live there as well. I just don't know what to do. Can someone please give me some advice?