My Mother feels that she is perfectly able to live alone. She wants me to leave; her diet is horrible, she hoards spoiled food, rats etc.

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Now I understand part of the reason I drink.
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My mother is obsessed with medicare and insurance. She has visited multiple of insurance professionals. She gets an answer that settles her OCD and by morning, she is on the same subject. She has a pile of insurance papers next to her and constantly goes through them. The answers are very simple, but she says she does not understand.
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nope!
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vstefans, did you notice that these posts are from 2010? :)
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You mentioned rats. You mentioned spending money that your kids need while mom has loads of money in the bank. Is either of those things tolerable or acceptable in any way, shape, or form? No, and No. Both of those things cross the line of decency. Part of dementia is that reasoning powers are lost, and people become unreasonable (or more unreasonable if they have been unreasonable all their lives) and therefore cannot make good decisions or perceive situations correctly. Wishful thinking takes over. Our laws and agencies err on the side of letting people make their own decisions, which has good points and bad. There may not be a solution during a certain phase of dementia where people are still physically able to do things and and cognitively moderately impaired, BUT - rather than guess at what you are and are not allowed to do with her bank accounts, get legal advice on that, maybe even via the APS people who know you and at least understand if not appreciate what you are doing for mom.

Tired daughter, your story is familiar. Mom would have kept buying stuff if she hadn't misplaced her QVC card (I found it, but just did not give it back to her) and at one point we had quite an uproar over some tea towels - I bought a couple that might have been similar enough, and fortunately they did the trick. They went right back home after I brought them in and showed them to her. She was worrying about keeping track of everything, that's what it was. She was always after me to get the lawn done again, or to get a new wig and bring more clothes that would not fit in the closet; I could not possibly get her all the stuff she wanted but I'd get one or two things, or bring a picture of how the lawn looked, and that was usually enough. That way, if she even remembered that I did not do something it was just a case of her dumb daughter not remembering it all :-). So bring one keyboard at a time, take it back home for safekeeping, just do whatever makes her feel she has something of what she wants and that she hasn't forgotten to take care of something. Maybe the home would even like to keep one of the keyboards out in the lobby?
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I'm also going through something similar with my 87 year old mom. I finally got my mom into assisted living, although I'm really gambling on how I'm going to pay for it. My mom has wasted all of her money buying multiples of expensive items - she has 2 keyboards, a small organ and a full size organ in former home. (She bought another one second hand for $200+ that didn't work, and had to pay someone to haul it away.) She hasn't used any of them more than 10 minutes. Now that she is in a small one room at the ALF, she wants to take the two keyboards and small organ with her. I could see taking one, but not all of them. She wants to put them in her closet. I come home from work every day and there are messages on my answering machine of all the things she "needs." Now, she wants the keys to the house (which I own) because "someone" is going to take her there and get the stuff she "needs." I'm at my wits end! I also am the only living child, and am on a shoestring trying to provide for her. I'd love to go visit with her, but every time it is a list of stuff she has to have, that she already has, but wants more of. She's only been in the ALF a week, but she won't do any activities. She sits all day and thinks of stuff, rather than get involved with others. I feel sorry for her, and feel guilty, but just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry, I am just so frustrated! I've tried talking, but she doesn't understand. Doctors give medication, then take her off medication, and I think they have given up. This has been going on for 11+ years now and I'm tired. Thank you for listening - just needed to vent.
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Oh lord girlfriend. If you have a great relationship with your Mom do it. If not, think long and hard, and make sure all things legal are taken care of. I had several friends tell me that in the beginning and didn't listen. Depended on all that mushy "she's my Mother after all" stuff.
I am in CA now, by way of New Mexico. ( I raised my family in the DC/VA area). I do things for myself with my darling puppy dog-walk on the beach, etc. I tal k to my grown kids (all supportive and preently not at all fond of their Grandmother) etc etc.
My Mother takes the senior shuttle service to shop. I encouraged this because it gives her some meausure of independence which I think if great.
For a while she bought groceries and I cooked for her. She seemed to like that (I always cooked things she could eat-although I'm a much more adventurous cook). Then she decided she couldn't "afford" food other than potatoes, eggs, some veggies and of course wine.( She has enough cheap wine stashed to last 6 months.) She decided she wanted to cook for herself and thats what does now. (Can you hear the sirens? She burns a lot of things.)
Anyway thanks for being there, and the best of luck.
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Amen Pamela
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Nins,

I had to sit back and blink for a minute!! Your issue is what i have been struggling with! I moved back from out of state when yeah, all that you said! Cept my mom has roaches, not rats. I think the total for this weeks eviction from my moms life is 6.. so far. Although I think I earned a freebie today by going out and buying a toilet auger after mom clogged the toilet for the 3rd time this week.

I think we have ALL earned our wings... so the next round should be free!!
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Bobbie me and Johnny Walker Red have become the greatest of friends :) :) :)

A toast to ya both!
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