My mom has advanced dementia. We used to do so much together including shopping. She loved to get dressed & look nice.

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I am feeling guilty wanting to buy new clothing and trying to look nice when my mom can barely move without help, never mind get dressed into something nice. I hate this sickness!! Anyone else feel like this?


I'm not as far along as you with your Mother...I'm kind of in the beginnings...and she was never the mother I needed and wanted i'm in this weird place of I miss a lot of things but struggling with lack of closure of many things because she either has forgotten or completely denies it was said or happened...then add to that she is a narcissist...and I'm her main target and my other 2 sibs are the goldens...and I'm the caregiver...sigh...but I feel guilty seeing her go down and not care about how she looks...Thank Goodness for Therapy!! So so Sorry you are feeling this way (((hugs))) ;)
Yes. It breaks my heart over and over. My mom & I used to go shopping too. She enjoyed looking great, getting new makeup, showing off new clothes and shoes. Now, the make up is just empty bottles in drawers, old shadows and lipsticks, some lotions never opened and never will be. My life, her life, our life is soooo different and I mourn what is lost. I hate this disease too.
I'm trying really hard to shake the guilt, but I do feel sad when I think of something Mom would enjoy doing, but then realize that in reality, she might or might not enjoy it any more, too much sensory input and confusion.
I didn’t deal with dementia with my mom, she had massive strokes that took every ability away. But I can relate to the loss of the companionship of that person you had to shop and buy things with. It still stings now when I see moms and daughters out shopping together. It’s not exactly the same but I have chosen to look at it as honoring her memory when I dress nicely, or pick out new things I know she’d like. You never stop missing the mom you had when you had a good one but you can focus on fond memories instead of consuming guilt
"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone"

My mom is a shell of her former self and now living in a nursing home. Her clothes are wheelchair adaptive that can be washed to death in industrial washers. Her hair, that she used to perm and have a once a week wash and set, is straight and often scraggly looking because of the unattractive way staff comb it. She gave up wearing her glasses when her eyesight deteriorated beyond their help. Her eyebrows have grown into bushy caterpillars, but I do try to deal with the nose hairs and chin hairs every week. If I didn't know my once dignified and attractive mother I would probably not be able to find her in a crowded room, and this shell is the only woman those in the nursing home will ever know. At least I know better and I can remember her true self, but I'm not sure if that is a blessing or not.
Cwillie, I'm so sorry for the condition of your mom. Yes, it's so sad to see what has become of our dear mothers. It is really getting to me to see the suffering my sweet mother goes through every day. I feel it deep within me, her pain she suffers in the morning and she gets a little better as day goes by but I only have to wake up to live it all over again. It wasn't that long ago I was taking her to hairdresser every week to get her hair washed and styled as she would keep asking the same questions over and over again. I am feeling pain every day for what this bad dementia has done to my mom and yet her pain seems so much worse. My heart is broken.
Cwillie. You moms beauty is still there. When i started caring for a woman who was on hospice. She was a close friend of my husbands family (God rest him). But she was a beautiful woman. Always took care of herself. Gym membership, hiking, palloties, diet... Then she had succumbed to cancer. 4 years and at stage 4, with no cure in sight. She kinda gave up. When I was introduced to her by her daughter. She wanted nothing to do with me. But her daughter needed to return to work. So I came anyways. Her meds needed to be monitored and meals prepared. It took a few days for her to like and trust me. I found some pictures, she shared some stories. My mother in law told me a few as well. They were good friends. She then started putting on her face, getting dressed and wanted to find her jeans. We even went shopping for bras! And fruit. Never forget what was important to your parents, and don't let them forget either. Help her out and hand her a mirror. You will see her smile at least.
Oh... 1 more thing; Cancer patients usually lose their appetite, and their energy dwindles away. I put 30 lbs on this already skinny woman.

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