My family turned against me.

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My Father died in 1996 suddenly. In his will he left me his commercial property where I worked as a child and adult. Working for your father is very different - try asking for a raise, day off, lunch break, etc. My father will always tell me someday this will be yours. My fathers will stipulated that I receive the commercial property and I am to provide my mother with an income for the rest of her life from the rent of the property. My father bestowed the property to me because I was his only son, there is me and 2 younger sister siblings. My mother and I did not have a great relationship. This was because possibly my mother was immature for age 22 when she gave birth to me ( my father was 28 ). I have found her to be abusive to me both physically and mentally. My sisters had a different view of my mother, possibly because my mother was a friend to them ( maybe she wanted all daughters ) and catered to their wishes. I was independent my life- working with my father and doing other jobs along the way - that because my father did not like to pay me and always said dont worry the place will be yours. Now my mother has become very pissed off at me because she feels I do not give her enough. My mother collects Social Security, A ira distribution from my fathers account, and collects $ 18,000.00 per year from me tax free from the property. Now my mother never worked a day in her life and my father gave her and catered her to a nice lifestlye. And my sisters are telling me and my mother is telling me that I have to continue this lifestlye. I told them she must learn to live on a budget. This is something that she never did. I told everyone this is it - I am married with 2 kids and I have to look out to their future and my future as well. My sister keep harping on me and I have had enough of this BS. I want to tell everyone to go F themselves so bad as well as the rest of my other family members who turned against me. Am I wrong to live my own life and be left alone take care of my business ?


So the item in dispute is how much income you should provide to your mother?

This has nothing to do with how well you get along. It has nothing to do with what she gets from other sources. It has nothing to do with whether she worked or didn't work all her life.

It seems to me it is about honoring your father's wishes. He left you the property. That part is easy to honor. He stipulated that you provide for your mother out of the income. Was the will any more specific than that? Do you know what your father had in mind by talking to him through the years? $18,000 certainly isn't enough to maintain a "nice lifestyle." Is that what he expected?

Frankly, I don't think your father handled this well at all. He should have paid you competitive wages all along -- not promised you pie-in-the-sky "all this will be yours." And if "all this" was to be compensation for your hard work, then he should have left it to you exclusively, and made other arrangements for his wife. He left you in a very uncomfortable situation, especially since you do not feel close to your mother.

Certainly you should live your own life and take care of your business. But part of your "business" now is providing for your mother. How did you arrive at the $18,000 per year? That sounds low to me, but I have no idea how much income the property generates, or what your father had in mind. You have already been providing for her for 17 years (probably longer than your father anticipated). How old is your mother?

I understand your urge, but I hope you don't give in to it and alienate the entire family. If possible (and it isn't always), having decent relations with an extended family is something else parents should try to provide for their children. Your father handled this poorly. If everyone wants to be mad he would be an appropriate target! But you have to deal with what he did, not what he should have done. Would you and your mother consider mediation to come to an equitable amount for her out of your business, per the terms of the will?
$ 18,0000. TAX FREE is approximately 40% of the total rent collected. I have to pay the expenses- Real Estate Taxes, insurance, water/ sewer out of the proceeds or overhead. Now my father left her with other money and a mortgage free home as well and still she bitches and moans. I feel i am the target because of resentment of what my father did.
The bottom line:provide for your mother. Follow your father's instructions. It does notnot matter what you think. Your family story is not relevant. Never justify your own financial stuff or your mothers income. If she wants to contribute to you, fine. It is not your job to put her on a. Budjet. Quit whining and feeling sorry for yourself. Accept the responsibility. Good luck and carry on.
I am not whining and accept the responsibility bestowed upon me. Would you say it is okay to tell the rest of my family to get lost if they make their comments as they always do ?
Jeanne has very good comments. Your father handled this very poorly. I have commented many times on this site about parents leaving this or that to one child. No matter what the reason, or who thinks they deserve more than the next siblings or who was Mom's favorite or Dad's favorite. All in all, after the dust has settled we have, if we are lucky, a few siblings. If our parents are smart and try to divide things evenly, even if we feel we are owed more, then this leaves a better legacy for children. No one likes to be left out, no one likes to feel they are owed something and not get it. Especially when that person has worked their entire life to preserve whatever they feel owed. It is 100% the responsibility of a parent to TRY not to be the cause of much discord between their children. And as you will read on here and, in my own family, that is usually not the case.

I am sorry for your stress and discomfort. But your father set you up for this. Your father knew what your mother was like and left this mess for you to deal with and that was just not fair.
You are 100% correct and know what I am feeling. i feel like Hamlet- damned I do and damned if I don't. My father also did this because my mother is a gambler, my fathers fear was that she will gamble everything he worked for.
Sorry, I'm still wrestling with the fact that your mother had three children and provided a home, but never worked a day in her life. I think that one sentence is at the root of the problem.
I think the idea of mediation is a good one. Lay it all out on the table to an impartial third party with a legal background and see what they say. It's a situation where you're probably never going to all be happy, there are too many people involved and your father didn't leave clear instructions from what you're saying.

If I was your sisters, I'd be ticked (assuming that they didn't get left anything?). It's hard for us to give you good advice because we're only hearing bits and pieces (like you just added the piece about your mom's gambling problems). I'm sure your mom would have another take on the situation. I think your dad enjoyed his power (in life) and in death is still wielding it, so that everyone is unhappy. That's too bad for all of you...get a retired judge to look over everything and see what's fair.
It's not like she is trying to live on that $1500 a month only, she also gets an IRA distribution plus social security! For goodness sake, get a mediator and hash it out. If she is getting 40% AND you have to pay all the bills and do all the work, what more could she ask for? Times are hard for everyone, groceries have doubled , Gas is sky high and forget about medical care...and you have children to take care of...her GRANDCHILDREN! You have been put in a regrettable spot for sure, but I suggest allowing a third party to help you get piece of mind and maintain a relationship with your sibs! Good Luck!
Mediation is in order, along with consulting a lawyer and an accountant. Why is your Mother not paying taxes? Your sisters are probably looking to Mom for financial help and they all consider you the source of all their problems. The real problem is and was your Father.

Hopefully you have employment that provides for your family. This commercial property income would make a nice nest egg for your retirement and your children's education. Hopefully, a PCA/Financial Planner can help you put your financial house in order before it is too late!

Good luck!

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