Well it's official - my family sued me for allegedly messing with their inheritence

The money was never the issue in my story or property..i loved my parents and ii i could have one more day with them trust and believe one thing for sure they trusted me totally they nevered trusted the older ones and i seen why, they are irrresponsible and vindictive..but you can't pick ur family members but you can love them from a far....i knew what my dad was doing yrs ago when him and mom came and visit me all the way to colo..what he told me i kept to myself and still is, if they knew how dad really felt they would all feel so stupid..dnt get me wrong he love us all he just had reservatons on some of them

For some of you it is too late but for the rest I have some advice. As long as Mother was able to live alone my siblings would occasionally go by and see about her. I lived in another state so I stayed in touch by phone. As soon as she needed full time care I was elected. I moved her into my home and the first thing we did was go see a good lawyer. I have power of attorney over everything that involves her. If I become incapacitated one of my kids has been named to take over. The lawyer questioned her alone to be sure she agreed with this so there would be nothing to question in court. I get about $200.00 a month from her for expenses. She is saving her money because she wants to have something to leave me when she is gone. The older they get the "funnier" they get about money. It might be a good idea to go ahead and get power of attorney before they need care---just in case.
If your loved one is mentally unstable, you need to consult a lawyer about how to get things set up legally. I don't think any of my family will say a thing but I've seen too many turn into greedy vultures.
Get legal advice and save yourself some headaches and heartaches. No amount of money can repay for the time, effort and stress of caring for a loved one---even a well behaved one. So do yourself a favor and don't count on the family to sprout angel wings when there is money or property involved.

yes i understand totally but my family didnt recieved anything but i stood my ground i got to speak in court and said what i had to say, my family didnt deserve any of my parents money all they did was wasted money on a attorney and he robbed them blind. i didnt get not one attorney cause i didnt do anything wrong and i refused to pay i will quote what i said "i will not pay my family not one dame dime they do not deserve it"and i left it at that..next thing i know i got a letter that the case was dropped ...but i will tell you this i did recieved my fasther death benifit i didnt tell them til a yr later and trust and believe only one got mad about it but who cares

I am so comforted and thankful that I read this link. I, too, was a caregiver for both my parents, both of whom died in the last year. I have three brothers, not involved until the our parents are gone, making accussations, threats, trying to sue me, wanting items my parents gave to me, etc., same situation as those previously listed. Even though I ignore them, my attorney fees will be adding up. I have asked to have my brothers pay my attorney bills, as well as suing them for Libel, and pain and suffering. I am not a person that retaliates but I did have to start standing up for myself. I am proud that I got the opportunity to spend my parent's last years of life with them and held their hands as they died. Don't let the greedy, guilty, family members take your self worth and satisfaction you get from being there for your loved ones. Together we must stand with our chins high, hearts warm and smiles on our faces.

Msdiva I am the 4th oldest of my mother's 6 children and I see evidence of such character flaws. No one takes enough interest in the care of my mother to give me a couple of hours for personal time. I have no personal life and the stress is taking its toll on my health. Mom has Alzhiemers and degenerative artrititis. I had to leave GA to move to AL with mom. I quit my job and left children, grandchildren and a fairly new romantic relationship. I am paying a mortgage on a house that I am not enjoying because I don't want to go thru the drama nor live around them after she's gone. I know it wont be pretty and I dont think I can deal with it. So I am going to do what I have to, to take care of my myself and my mom and leave the rest to God. I am not doing anything but what I think is best for mom and I cant do that if I am not taking care of myself. They all have a sense of entitlement to the spoils but there is almost always just one with the sense of responsibility toward the parent. I am not keeping a record of expenditures to statisfy them but thru her bank I can pull up records of what is going out and coming in if it becomes necessary because I am her representitive payee for SSI. I have been taking care of her for 2 years but I am the only candidate that will go the distant.

I have the same problem with my siblings. I have 5 brothers and 1 sister, they have called the state and said I was stealing my Dad's house and money. I have been on the deed to this house since 1999, my Dad and I made a deal he would help me with my children as they grew and I would take care of him as he aged. I have produced deed and financial documentation to the state and all is fine now. My family never comes to see my Dad and the only Grandchildren that visit are mine. I love that saying you can't pick your family, so true. Keep up the good work everyone.

some times the sibling/care taker drives siblings away so the siblings won't see what they are doing.

I just took care of my dad for a month and my siblings showed up for all of ONE HALF HOUR.
then they got angry because my son was using his car to pick up his mail.
I did find out that one sibling who is making every ones life miserable if any decision is made with out her approval is the one "borrowing mo ey" for she and her friend!

Medicare nurse has asked and I have asked my dad to do a medical directive and my faster and mo ey grabbing sibling g absolutely refuse. then I am told I need cou selling.

my dad is now at my siblings and I was asked to handle his mail and not use his car. so, my son returned the car to his grandfathers house and I had the mail forward so my dad got it directly. all hell broke loose because I had the post office deliver his mail, I stead of some doing a 60 mile round trip to maybe find some mail in the box.

still my sister insists on things I should be doing, but then gets made if I don't do it her way.

I I formed my dad THAY I will handle doctors appointments and his surgery and after care, any thing else please defer to the other siblings as, I have had enough of the lies and being told that it is my hubby and I they can not trust.
It was pai ful , but I am emotionally better

also I told my siblings I know what they are up too. seems they don't realize in a small community people talk....

They're all right. I'm going through the same thing and it's the worst thing that's ever, ever happened to me. I've been told that my reactions are normal and that guilty people don't feel the same. I have survivors guilt. I can almost get my head around that, but as for the rest? How do you explain the ramifications of their actions to people you love. Don't do this, because I'll pay for it? Don't do this because I'll suffer for it? You risk hurting them more by implicating their other children in what at the time can only be a suspicion on your behalf. It's a horrible, horrible situation to be in and you won't be able to evenm begin to grieve until it's over. If thjere's anything I can do, and support I can give, lets hold hands across the oceans metaphorically speaking. yes, Judges do have children, and the more cases like ours that come up, the more scared they should get. Parents aren't there to leave us money. they're there to look after us until we can look after ourselves, and then when they can't look aftere themselves anymore, they should be able to be looked after by us in turn without any of us being scared that some greedy, selfish, self righteous guilty as sin siblings start putting the blame our way because they're too blinded by guilt to accept the pain and they'd rather we did that for them as well as look after their beloved parents. You know, I bet it got pretty hard for all your siblings to hear how good you were. Hang on in there, because you are.

Christina28
I greatly appreciate your support. The negativity is distressing, especially when you're trying to take care of your mother and looking toward her impending death, but I really expect everyone will relax after a while. I really can't imagine a judge would take a case against a caregiver. Everyone has parents. Hang in there and don't let them get you down. You have enough to deal with.

What are your mother's health problems?

I agree, sharmacc. I do not like to say am expecting the worst from my siblings after our Mother passes, but that is all I have experienced from them so far.
Remember: it is their own GUILT that they want us to handle, as well as all the care giving, so they don't have to. HA! If it wasn't so exhausting, it would be laughable.

It is amazing to me to see what family members will do to each other. I guess makes these false charges to divert the attention away from their own guilt.
I can't believe how my own brother has reacted to my mother illness and death. I was her caregiver off and on for six years; the last year and a half, full time, 24-7. As you all know very well, there are a ton of sacrifices to make; it's an emotional roller coaster. A year after her death, he is now accusing me of not doing enough and taking advantage of her. I begged for his help because family services demanded I quit my job, but he did not and became increasingly belligerent.
It's starting to wear on me psychologically. You have to deal with your own survivor guilt: what more could I have done, then to have someone accuse, is hard to bear.

Oh, and thank you so very much for taking the time to write. You'd be surprised what a few words can do. I loved looking after my mum and dad, and they were never a burden. If there are any senior people reading this, please don't ever think that thinking you'd be a burden is any reason to go into a care home. It's something people feel so bad about thinking, they don't think to make sure they're right. I'm not Pollyanna, I know that there are people who can't do it for one reason or another,and some of the reasons are genuine and some are just plain selfish and mean, but please don't just presume that your children want you to go into care. Of course, you might want it yourself. That's your decision, but we're not all bad. My Grandma lived with us for 17 years until she passed away, and her being with us enriched our lived more than I can say - even if she did cheat at bridge!.

Thank you. Unfortunately, my dad died and yes, there's a paper trail a mile wide and I didn't stash any cash away in my secret account in the Seychelles. It was - and is - such a horrible situation. I can honestly, cross my heart say that I didn't make any financial gain, and that caring for my parents (mom is now in care) was the best thing I ever did in my life and at some time when I come out the other end of this, I'll still have that. Reading to my dad, listening to his stories of the war, watching the stars together, the time we watched a pod of dolphins, finding out what my mum's nickname was at school - her telling my aunt and uncle she'd always called me trouble' - but with a big grin on her face.

You have a good holiday - and despite all the problems, if there's anyone out there wondering about 'care' home or 'their' home, if you can, and it's what your parents want, I'd go for 'their' home every single time. You don't ever appreciate your mum and dad when your growing up, but to get to know them when you're all as grown up as you'll ever be is a gift.

Princess, I just read this thread from the beginning. I am glad Ms Diva's situation turned out well! Mr. Ed gave very good advice--he is a gem.
Now about YOU: Have you got anything to hide? Are you ashamed of anything you have done during the care of your parents in your home?
Hey: there are COSTS involved in living, in the upkeep of a home, any home.
When you say you "attempted suicide" three times--well, I'm happy for you and your parents that you did not succeed. Did you think about WHO would take care of your parents if you did that?
When one is doing the hard work of being a CAREGIVER, day in and day out, it is WORTH something, is it not?
You have nothing to feel suicidal about. They are MANIPULATING YOU!!! Only you know what you have done or not done. Either way, I hope you have a good Elder Law or Family Law attorney. Bank records can be seen online, and that is the best paper trail you can have. Give yourself a break. ReFocus.
Enjoy the holidays and don't let the turkey vultures get you down. PEACE:)

My siblings are suing me for financially absusing my parents. I cared for them 24/7 and worked full time, then gave up a job I loved to look after them 24/7 when they needed it. My siblings wanted them to move into care, mum and dad didn't want to. When they moved in with me, my eldest sister stopped visiting altogether, and my other sister only came two or three times a year. To them, my looking after mum and dad was just me 'feathering my own nest'. is that how much their parents meant to them? Hopefully, the affadivits of the people who did see my dad when he was alive and well will prove that contrary to his own children's claim that he was a senile old fool, he was a bright, smart, articulate man who knew exactly what he wanted. As for me? If I'm such a heartless thief, how come I didn't run off with all their money, or let them pay my mortgage off, or send me on a cruise because they thought I deserved a bit of a break. I didn't need a break from them, I could have done with a break from my wicked siblings. The past two years have seen me attempt suicide three times as I was investigated by the police, and when the police found nothing, my siblings took out a civil case against me, writing to an old address to make sure i didn't find out until it was almost too late. back to court In january, if I make it that far.

MS. DIVA:

D'oh!!! ... Didn't even notice your post was dated Jan. 14th. I've been working long hours (got home about midnight), and the stress is showing. So let me let out some of it: "Don't give them jack. ... Those vultures don't deserve to have you as a blood relative."

Last July I took about a week off to fly to Brazil and finally break the 2,900 acres equally among Dad's children. My 4 sisters here in NY, whom my mother turned against him to the point they didn't want their names on his last will & testament, didn't get anything. ... He's been gone for 13 years, and now they're sucking up to me and kissing my cookies. My mother claims she "never needed a man to survive," and it's true: there was always Welfare -- which she made a career of. So did my sisters.

Every time someone tells me blood speaks, I wish for a transfusion.

Stay strong Ms. Diva.

-- ED

AMEN..but its over they couldnt prove any thing had no source and i got mines my dad left me his death benif..and they didnt get nothing.they are talking to me but im not giving up a dime..AND GOD DO NOT LIKE UGLY...and my family was ugly during this time and trust and believe one by one they will pay forwhat they did..

Add up all the hours you performed caretaking duties @ $20 dollars an hour, (and that's being cheap) write it up in a formal letter, and send a copy to each one of your siblings explaining this is what is owed to YOU. I am quite sure it will be far more than $51,000 dollars.
Let this be a lesson to all who are taking care of their elder parents. DO NOT TRUST NON-SUPPORTIVE SIBLINGS IN ANY WAY. They WILL be there to kick you when you are down. This is one reason I thank God for HIS vengeance. Stand back, watch and let HIM repay them for their actions. "Vengeance is mine, saith The Lord, I will repay."

oh yes sweetie it was a trial i will never forget the case was dismissed they had no evidience of me spending my dads money on myself. occasionally i did but my dad knew it, his alz did not set in good til 2007 he even sign his death benif over to me and they didnt even know it til trial and that was funny (hahaha) you should had seen their faces i laugh in court and the judge broke it down to them and trust and beleive they were NOT happy ..but i was scared but i had people supported me in the neighborhood they only seen me and my dad i took my dad everywhere with me ...im sorry (crying) i miss him soooo much and for my family to do me like this was awful..all they thought about was money money i didnt care about the money i wanted to keep my dad next to me he cling to me after my mother passed..have you read my stories on here???i have several about my parents and my family..its good to see a man take care of their love ones you dnt find that to much you will be blessed rather you want to or not and trust me your sibling will pay..is this ur mother,father etc???

so the judge sided with you right, when he knew you were the caretaker? I also am the sole caretaker and my siblings take her out on a rare occasion, They never changed a diaper, got up with her at night, take her to all her visits, nor be by her side everynight and all weekend. My life is on hold here but I love her.

thanks ed
but its over they couldn"t get nothing from me its been proven rather i kept record or not

MS DIVA:

Situations like yours are one of the reasons I keep paper trails. If you don't put it down in black and white, it never happened and it's your word against everybody else. In a litigious country like ours, what you say isn't as important as what you can prove. That's why I keep everything in triplicate.

SUGGESTION:

Try to streamline everything you told us in what seemed one endless sentence before you go to court. In your case it'll probably all come down to credibility, so it's crucial you remain COOL, CALM, AND COLLECTED and refrain from telling anyone to "Shove it up their tail pipe," "Kiss my grits," or anything of the sort. Don't become argumentative, especially with the judge. Whatever you do, DO NOT refer to yourself as a "diva." Divas are usually high-maintenance and extremely emotional, so curb the language, tone down the attitude -- if know your relatives will make anyone's blood boil --, and dress as if you were going to a business meeting.

Your family is suing you, so the burden of proof is on them. Let them present their case without interrupting or giving them ammo by making snide remarks.

HOMEWORK:

Sit down and rewind the tape 6 years. Make a list of everything you did for your Dad every week, particularly things that cost money (e.g., paying his bills).

WHEN PRESENTING YOUR CASE:

Be prepared to submit WRITTEN proof that you didn't profit financially from your father's condition but did the best you could to make sure his needs were met.



BUT REMEMBER:

When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Your answers, whether rehearsed or not, have to be concrete and refined into something that does resemble what actually happened. As long as you allow the caring, well-spoken, classy lady that I know you are shine through, you should've nothing to worry about.

Good luck my friend.

-- ED

HI LUMOM
No i did not pay it back like i said it the old post before this one they found out what truly happen.. The funny thing is that i try to portect my brother when i thought he would protect me but he was a COWARD he was so scared of my brothers and sisters and im not i stood up to them all when we all went back to court i told them,the judge,the lawyer i will go to jail before i pay back a dime because i dnt owe no one anything i took care of our father by my self with the help om my two boys my boyfriend and even a few outsiders my siblings did not help me with any thing but at the end they found out now they are taking my brother to court but i dnt want to be invovlved and i told them that leave me out of it..they said they need my help and i told them "nope i stood alone and i was brave you guys are on ur on but i did give them some documents that i have kept..but the thing is i was mad at my self for not being accountable i never kept reciepts to anything but they knew what i did to the house and i used my dads money for that...but i never thought in a million yrs they would take me the court i felt like i help them out by giving up my life for 6 and half yrs and i ended up getting sh---ed on...

This is an ol post but am curious as I dont understand it. Did you hae to pay out the 51,000? Dont you deserve money for the 6 years of care? omg

lach61
it was a mess but it ended up they found out what had really happen the suit was lifted but its the thought of them doing it i gave up 6 yrs of my life and i had a 12 yyr (at the time) that was struglling in school it was h--l ...now they are all talking to me but one but i dnt give a d--e about her she didnt come around when mom and dad was alive but the last one was the other day it took a illness for her to call me. but its ok i never forget what they did to me ..my brother will pay for what he did i had to do what i had to do but what HE did was unexcusable and will pay for it

Ms. Diva,

I saw where you were 1 of 12 children and you were the only one who took care of your dad??? He lived with you for 6 years and your family sued you??? IF THAT DON'T TAKE ALL?

It might have felt like you were going thru h*ll, but just keep the memories that you helped take care of your dad and none of the other siblings wouldn't take the time.

Here's a great big hug! You put up with a lot, but just remember you did it when nobody else in the family wanted to.

WELL DARLING DO WHAT YOU HALF TO DO JUST DON'T GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH

Dad is 86 and has Alzheimers and other illnesses AND he's drinking alcohol on a daily basis (12pk of beer /day sometimes more) I have let all my siblings know, his doctor knows, anyone who is around knows. He rides his tricycle back and forth to the liquor store every day. I pay all his bills (he scribbles his name on the checks) and lost my job of 10 yrs due to taking care of him. Now my unemployment has run out and I can't find a job and have asked Dad to help me out. He says he will but when it comes to giving me money he gives me a hard time instead. So I've decided to let him drink himself to death and try to get on with my own life. Even his doctor said it's okay for him to drink 1or 2 beers/day but he drinks sometimes 2 12pks like if it were water. I need to save myself and my marriage (which is in trouble) because of all the time I spend with Dad who doesn't appreciate anything I do. My siblings are all out of town and Dad has a person living with him who only administers his meds -- I do everything else. My health has suffered, my job, my life. I just can't do this anymore!

You know, there is a reason why the Bible says:

I Timothy 6:10:
"For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

What has happened to you Msdiva, is a good example of that.

MY DAD IS PASSED NOW PAM ITS TOO LATE BUT YOU KNOW I AM MAD AT MY SELF I DIDN'T GOOD TRACK OF EVERYTHING BUT HELL I WAS WITH HIM FOR SIX YRS I KNOW THATS NOT AN EXCUSE BUT MY GOODNESS 51,OOO DOLLARS COME ON THAT 5,000 DOLLARS A YR BUT WHAT THE HECK IM THROUGH WITH ITS TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING BUT THEY KNOW THE TRUTH NOW THEY FOUND OUT MY BROTHER HAD GOTTEN ALOT OF THAT MONEY BUT IT WAS MY WORD AGAINST HIS HE MADE SURE NO ONE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING BUT ME..BUT ITS O.K. BUT WHAT HURTS THE MOST IS I'M HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING A JOB THE JOB I HAD LAST YR RIGHT AFTER I MOVED OUT OF MY DADS MY BROTHER CALLED IT AND TOLD THEM I ABUSED MY DAD..THAT HURT ME REALLY BAD FOR HIM TO THAT SO NOW IWORK FOR PRIVATE AGENCIES WHICH THEY DO BIG BACKGROUND CHECKS..NOTHING ON MY LICENSE BUT IT WITH BE ON MY REFERENCE EACH TIME THEY CALLED THAT PLACE