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Its good you were able to benefit from the shared experiences and advice given on this thread, but msdiva posted back in 2010, I doubt she is with us on this site anymore.
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msdiva, I wanted to let you know that the situation of relatives and siblings trying to sue the one who did the caretaking of their parent is so very very common.
My mother had dementia, for several years before she passed away.
a Heart Attack, a stroke and then a another fatal stroke.
Shortly after she died I suffered a stroke.
I received no help or support from any of the rest of the family.
At a time when I was the most vulnerable I got threats from the rest of my family that they were going to sue me in probate court for supposedly mismanaging my parents money, because they claimed that was their "potential inheritance".
A suit we leave me homeless.
I prayed for God's help and protection and for a while the threats went away for a while.
Now they have come back.
The gratitude of taking care of their parent is astounding.
Or is it vengeance and greed?
I think I am going to have to go to court to get things settled.
The insult to having to defend myself from my own siblings is beyond measure.
I have come to believe that those siblings are not actually blood relatives.
I have come to believe they were adopted from wolves.
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Hello all and Msdiva. I'm new here and have been reading a lot of the posts on here. I have read your post on here of what your family had done to you and how you got vindication and the court ruled in your favor. You had stated that you took care of your father on your own with only help from your sons and a few outside your family.

First of all I want to give you kudos and props for providing the care your father needed for so long and not giving up on him... many these days do. When it gets to be to much most turn to the nursing homes or other facilities and then never look back. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count how many people I have cared for in those situations in my 25 years as a C.N.A.S. Many of them are lucky if they have family come visit during Thanksgiving or Christmas. Many of us that truly care about the people that are in our care, become like family to us. I have been "Adopted" by so many as a honorary "Granddaughter." There are many of us that believe that the men and women we care for as people and not just a meat sack of bones that has been discarded,or left for dead,no longer wanted or forgotten once they walk through our doors. They are mothers, fathers, and grandparents that for the most part have worked hard all their lives to raise and provide for their families.And are first and foremost human beings. They deserve to be treated with respect,dignity and honor. I could tell you horror stories about some of the treatment people have gotten in some of the nursing facilities I have worked for, the aides and yes even nurses and a couple of doctors. I reported them all. You don't abuse the people in your care, they are trusting you with their total care, and in some cases with their lives.I refused to work in places like that and would quit asap when I saw anyone mistreated.

I commend you on taking on the job as caretaker of your father, they don't get the credit and respect they deserve. It is very hard and at many times heart breaking, to see your loved go from the person they used to be to the frail,shell of a person they once were, no longer able to many of the simple things, or worse to slowly see their mind and all their life memories get robbed from them. You stated that you gave up 6 years of you life to care for him when no one would and that your family felt robbed of the money you got. Honey you more than deserved it!
You stated that the money they said you took from them was $51,000... well we are going to do a little bit of math here. First you divide that $51,000 by the 6 years you put your life and the lives of your children on hold. which comes to $8500.00 per year.Then divide that by 26 weeks because the average home health aide or nurses's aide in a nursing home or hospital gets paid every 2 weeks, that comes down to $326.92 every 2 weeks or $163.46 per week. then divide that by 168 hours since being a caretaker is a 24/7 job not a 8 hr job like most aides work... that now becomes $ 1.95 per hr if you go with the pay of every 2 weeks or .97 if you go with a weekly pay period. Since most aides can earn up to $ 9.00 to $ 10..0 per hour based on their level of experience. Which would have cost your family... @ $9.00 per hour...$1440 per month or $1600.00 per month@ $10.00 per hour. in nursing care alone.And don't forget that most home health providers and nursing facilities tack on fees of their own. By taking on the mainly thankless job of caretaker you saved your father and family thousands of dollars in care costs. You more than deserved what you got... but you and your family got hidden benefits that most non caretakers never get... You got the satisfaction knowing that you gave your father the best care you could... you saved your father's income that would otherwise have gone to cover his care which was needed to cover the other necessities of life for him and your family. and two things that I think was very important was you were able to make memories for yourself, your father and your children that can never be taken away... your boys learned the valuable lessons of respect, responsibility, that family takes care of family and the value of human life. They got to learn how frail life can become, through your and your father's struggles they learned sorrow,strength, perseverance, compassion and empathy. Skills that should help them to get far in life. By seeing and helping you care for your father they learned by your example how to care for others, and how it isn't easy sometimes... it puts them at a level most their age will take years to learn. I hope that it inspires them to want more from life and strive to achieve any goals they set for themselves... because you taught and showed them that life can be a struggle at times, but as they go out in life they will remember those 6 years and be able use the skills they have learned.
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I don't mean to hijack your thread msdiva, but some interesting issues have been brought up here.
I have been living with my Dad, since May 2013, because he asked me to live with him, so I did as he wished. Since living there, I haven't paid any "rent" (so to speak), but I do all of the "usual house" related things. I cook meals, clean, do the dishes/laundry and everything outside, i.e. mowing, house repairs, lawn care, etc.. In addition to those things, I also buy all of the groceries and household items that are needed. I also take care of all of his Dr. appointments, including taking him there and back home.
My older brothers basically have nothing to do with Dad. One lives less than 10 miles away and visits Dad once every week, or two. Prior to Dad being diagnosed with throat cancer, he hadn't seen Dad in over 6 months. The other lives about 5 hours away and MIGHT see Dad once a year. Prior to cancer, this brother hadn't seen Dad in about.....6 years!
I am the executor of Dad's will and I KNOW that both brothers WILL "be there" when Dad passes....I can guarantee you of that! I know that they are going to EXPLODE when they find out that *I* am the executor and will come back on me about not paying Dad any "rent" while living there...I know they will!!
What do I need to do to protect myself from being drug threw the legal system when Dad passes?? Any/all advice is appreciated
By the way.....both brothers have a LOT of money.....one just moved into a $300,000 home and the other has an acreage/farm AND a "winter" home in California!! I understand they are in dire straits, but not nearly as much as I am....I have enough money to basically survive.
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I did consult an attorney and he said because the house was in both our names she could not will it to my brother. I am sole owner because of rights of survivor.
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I get my mothers groceries and other things she needs and she has me use her bank debit card so what I do is keep all receipts from bank withdrawl to grocery receipts and it is labelled with what is bought so if the bank account is checked everything is accounted for...you have to assume while your siblings cant be bothered because the elderly parent is a nuisance they will tun on you with accusations
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Get to a lawyer for a free consult, you may be able to recover some compensation if you can prove you were her caregiver.
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Torn, unfortunately it is your duty to carry out the Will. The financial problems of the heirs is not relevant. Carry it out as written or you could end up in jail.
There is no fair or unfair at this point. There is the Will, and the law says you uphold it.
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Sorry to hear of your mother's death.

Are you the person to execute the Will?

Fair or not, the Will is a legally binding document of you mother's last wishes. It can't be changed, but must be executed as stated. I am surprised to learn that her estate has not been settled almost 2 years after her death.
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my mom passed in September 2013, I was as the representative, power of attorney, and personal representative. I have two brothers one older one younger my younger brother and I work the primary caregivers, mainly myself, after my mother passed I read the will which stated my oldest brother would get her house we lost the house my younger brother was to get and I have my grandmothers, who is bad as well. My name is on all the deets. My brother what's going through a divorce and it nowhere to live. Ix my older brother to buy me out and I would release the lane to him for a fee we agreed on. In order to give my other brother money tomove . He said no. He moved out and left the house. My younger brother live there now. Should the house be given to my older brother because it was in the will? He did live there, but did very little caring for Mom. What do you think?
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Make sure you put in the expenses $500 housing with utilities. It is a gently reminder that when a parent is living with a child they are paying their share. My attorney said to do this.
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Thanks to the wise comments on this thread I am now sending my brother a copy of dad's monthly expenditures & a list of what I have paid for. I hope it will keep my brother from asking for money from my father. I also hope my brother will be inspired to help with dad's expenses especially since he was always after dad for loans, money, co-signing loans etc. But don't worry, I am not holding my breath.
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Cheribob... I done sent them a copy of all the monthly expenses and the amount of mom's social security check. Then topped if off with the ones paid by my personal checking account. My understanding from my attorney is if she did have anything left in her estate, I could show proof in probate as a debt owed and collect it all back out of the estate. So let them show up for a will reading. I am ready.
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Daughter debt start sending them monthly bills!
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I have always said that when my parents die & my siblings come looking for their inheritance I will had them a stack of bills & says,"here's your inheritance. Now when can I expect payment?"
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I was glad to see this post. 4 yrs after going and getting my mother from another state at my expense my brothers are NOW wanting me to do an accounting of all mother's assets. HELLO? She had some furniture and clothes and 5k to her name when the doctor told me she could no longer live alone after she had lived with both brothers who sold her vehicles, home and cashed in her cd's and bank accounts. When she had nothing much left she was let go to get an apt. For 3 yrs she struggled and fell ill again. I have my records and some of hers for the 3 yrs she struggled. How dare they make claims now, when I pay what her $900 dollars a month don't pay each month due to doctor bills!! I feel like sending them a bill for a 3rd of this expense!! I have paid to date 34K. Any suggestions anyone?????
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Well, counter sue for back caregiver's pay of $150 a day plus retirement and social security. They are wrong. Google this and you will find that is what you can sue for! Pluse, how about pain and psychological suffering!
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love eds advice. when the facts are on your side people cant do anything with you but stare. every statement you make reinforces previous statements. fact is some wicked s**t..
the only thing i could add to that is judges are exceptionally good at sorting out the honest people from the flim - flammers. its what they do..
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This happens all too often. It helps to have a family meeting PRIOR to beginning a "paid" caregiver role. That way all the siblings have their opportunity to offer to help with various work..some can be done from afar, such as paying bills, balancing checkbooks, coming up once a month for doctor's visits, etc. Detailed records of expenses paid, including receipts, is for your own protection. TRANSPARENCY is the key. Protect yourself by being transparent from day 1.
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Glad your greedy siblings ended up with nothing, but legal bills. Hope their attorney charged them big time. I admire your courage and diligence.
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yes it is i keep reciepts for EVERYTHING thing now.. even for toilet paper (hahaha)
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thats a good lesson - I have DPOA, and mother still manages her money, but if I end up managing it at some point, I know I have to keep very good records, receipts etc as I strongly suspect my sis would do that to me. I have found out that for some time she has been wanting to inherit all mother's money, It is so sad when family members will do this to one another out of greed.
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the grounds were neglect and and use my dads money and didnt have alll the reciepts to show for just cks and they were all legal i didnt keep good account to them and i admit i didnt but i nevered thought my family would sue me
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sorry...got cut off....came president i got my house but i didnt move til DEC 22ND i had christmas with my dad and i told him i was leaving..you guys...i wasnt gone a week and dad got sick and when in the hospital, they wanted to to do all this stuff and my dad signed DNR and my selfished brother wanted to revoked it and it wouldnt happened, he went back home but he shut hisself down wouldnt do nothing for my sister...my dad passed 2 mons 2 wks and 3 days after i moved out..so now tell me i didnt get all i ask for...
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yes!!!! they started the procedure before my dad passed that sept before he died in 2009 i started getting my court papers in 2008...and i knew my dad wasnt gonna be here in 2009 just because i told him what was going on he understood when it came to his MONEY (hahaha) and when i mentioned the names of who doing this he flipped!! you know for 5 yrs a conversation of me and my dad accidently was taped he was fooling with my ph one day in the kitchen and he turned on my recorder and i didnt know it tape our conversation and i told him what was going on and he flipped.. he told me he didint want me to move out and didnt want my sister and them kids here and thats just had he said it on the tape i sent it to my sister and of course she said i coached him but if you heard it you would know it wasnt coached..before the papers came i had a feeling something was going on, you know when you get a feeling something was wrong i got that feeling so in june i put on the BIGGEST fathers day for my dad they all was in on it cause i knew he was not gonna be here next yr we ordered T Shirts the works BBQ and we are a well known family in the communtiy and just everybody that knew us came it wad great.. in oct i went to court thats when they strip me from everything his birthday i put out a nice birthday thanksgiving and then chrsitmas and since my brother was a coward he couldnt event tell me when to move out so thats why i told them i wanted the holidays with him cause i KNEW...and thanks to my pastor he told them that i would be out by jan 31st and my sister needs to be ready to move in Feb 1 and of course she was mad cause she wanted me to move out by the 12th of oct, I Told her there is NO WAy i was miving 6 yrs out in 30 days and i didnt but my old man just couldnt take my family mess anymore he went out and found me a house and on this perticular day NOV 4th OBAMA
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msdiva - thank you for a good story and an even better life lesson.
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msdive ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) - you have been through the mud and came up smelling like roses - Bless you and bless God for looking after you.
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You mean they sued you before your Dad was even buried?
What grounds did they use. Didn't they have to have some sort of proof? Or can they just file withnoreason?
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oh yes they can families can do about just anything.. i found that out,.in the beginning for 5 yrs i had D.P.O.A along with my older brother which my father didnt want him on it i told my father he had to put someone else on there with me, trust me that was a fight cause like i said he didnt trust the three oldest one but let them tell it oh dad trust them more than the rest ,,WRONG!!! i didnt pay it back i got up in court and told the judge i refuse to pay my family money they did not help me at all and when they did help me they wanted to borrow from him.. it happen, i dnt know how they came up with 51,000 dollars it was a total joke..but i had the last laugh...u feel me?? i didnt jump up and got a lawyer i refuse too because i didnt spend no 51,000 dollars. now what my brother and i did was took out a another mortage to fixed up the house they didnt appreciate that..so the hell with them and i showed them too... i admit i was scared at first but when i got to thinking and i got a free consulation from a lawyer and talk to my pastor of my church, i said to myself and i talk to my dad at his resting place the same wk i had to go to court and i got strong i got my mothers back and i went up in that court room with my chicken-shit brother satting way in the back and i told them i will not pay put me in jail do what you half to do, my father did not want this..and when i told my father before he started loosing his facilties i would have a fight with them and dame if i didntt.. he told me..i was to much like my mom i can handle this and i did....so they strip me from everything made me move out of my fathers house which that was a blessing..cause i almost lost the man i love i have been with for 25 yrs at the time he couldnt take it as well...my sister move in cause she had gotten evicted out of her place so that was thei plan but it back fired i prayed so hard for my mom to come and get my dad and the good lord and her did..my sister got screwed they all did cause it stated in the will after my dad or mom which one was left here whoever is living in the house will half to move out within 45 of their passing .see they should have left well enough alone and my sister has been a in a rut every since and i dnt feel sorry for her it was for her benifit not dads thats why everything ended they way it did ..like i said i got the last laugh and i laugh so hard i cried....
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Who had POA ? Also did you have a joint account. In other wards how did you gEt the 51,000. And how
Did they know? I'm sorry you had to go throuh this. I really don't understand if hr gave it
T to you how they can sue.
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