My Mom, My Husband, and I: The Story Revealed


We moved my mom into an Independent apartment seniors residence. She was so confused, she did not cope well. After one week, she decided she was going home. At 3 am, she put her boots on and proceeded to leave the building, a nurse passing by stopped her at the door and took her back to her apartment, at 5 am she did the same thing. It was -30C snowing and if she had made it outside the doors would have locked behind her. My brother panicked and rightfully so. I suggested that we move her into my home as it is just my husband and I. My husband agreed. She was moved the next day. The first week, all she wanted to do was go home, but I told her that she could move to any apartment she wanted but would have to go the waiting list. While she is on the waiting list, I wanted her to live with me because with my husband working, I had no one to cook for or help me. She loved the idea of being able to help me cook, clean, fold clothes. After a week of being with us, she seems to have settled down. The cats are now starting to talk to her and she feels comfortable enough to have an afternoon nap on the chesterfield. Home care is coming out to do a housing assessment and to help me with respite so that I do not burn out, get angry or feel overwhelmed by the situation. Mom is having problems with incontinence and is still confused about where the bathroom is or the garbage or anything else she may need but with constant work, we are managing quite well. One of the things that I have learned from this is that mom and I spend a lot of giggle time together, reminiscing or just joking around. We go out for lunch and to visit with my father in the Alzheimer's unit and the extended care or shop or just walk about at the mall for fresh air. Taking the time with my mom has given me the added pleasure of being the parent as the roles have been reversed and enjoying the time we have together. I also feel that the decision of bringing her into my home has given her a great quality of life. Please look at your parents from a different perspective and not just from the illness point of view of how it is going to be a burden because your parents raised you through all of the troubled times, now it is your turn to help them Ask me any questions you have and I will answer them with the best solution I can see. Vickie

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Your a wonderful daughter!! And never forget that! What you are doing is so loving to her. Just try and bring things of hers into your home and fill her room with her belongings. Even paint it her favorite color or the color her room was to make it feel more like her home to her! Wish there were more people in this world that thinks like you and I do!! Good luck to you and in the future and give mom a hug!!

As far as your mom always wanting to go home maybe you can get some of her things and make her primary space (bedroom and bathroom) hers by putting her things in there she may think that she is at home and will continue improving while living with you. A sense of self is a strong motivator to keep a senior "independent"