My dad died last week.

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He was in an Alzheimer's care facility since February 2016, and on hospice. Last October, Dad got pneumonia but survived another 6+ months. Mom (also with memory issues) and I had his graveside burial service yesterday, with military honors (WWII vet). Dad declined over the past roughly 3 years in a manner I would call "stairstep," i.e., he would get worse, plateau for a few months, then go down another notch, stay there for awhile, etc. When Mom needed to be placed, I had to move Dad to conserve funds to pay for two. I moved Dad to a different facility; he was gone in 33 days. Every time I saw him he was worse. I know I had to move him, in order to take care of Mom as well, but I still feel guilty about the move to the other facility. He was 89 years old.


My condolences on the loss of your father. I also offer hugs for dealing with your mother's illness.

You'll never know for certain, but the move may not have anything to do with the timing of Dad's death. I think that is likely the case. Your dad was on hospice and was expected to die soon. My husband declined very very slowly over the course of his dementia, but once he reached the final stage the progression was very fast. In any case, you did your best under the circumstances and acted in love. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

How nice to have the service with military honors! Is your mother alert enough to appreciate that?

You are mourning one parent while caring for the other. This is an extremely difficult time. Be gentle with yourself.
I'm so sorry you lost your Dad and for all you are going through.
Take good care,{{{hugs}}},Lu

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