Mum has no memory at all, yet lives unsupervised.

he sounds like my mums doc yep a sadist!! no need for you to have suffered all that but glad youre ok now and mums safe!

I wouldn't complain to your new doctor. I would write a nicely worded, unemotional letter to whatever governmental body licenses physicians in Australia. He sounds like a sadist to me.

Glad to hear things are better for you now!

It is indeed a big relief to finally have mum in permanent SECURE accommodation. She was finally assessed as being a danger to herself and others. The medicos said she and my family doctor were very rough on me forcing me to be mums sole carer just because I lived next door and am on disability pension because of medical issues of my own.

i actually did worsen my own disabilities looking after mum. I now have recurrent sciatica and restless legs syndrome.

the family doctor knew all this world happen to me, but he said i had to care alone for mum anyway just because I have a disability.

it wasn't until i threatened him with legal action that he got scared and referred mum to a geriatric specialist. The rest is now history. Mum is finally in permanent care which they now say should have happened five years ago.

as for me, i am changing doctors. Id dearly love to complain to my new doctor about my old one, but i don't think id better

Your situation is dangerous, mum needs to be supervised. Living next door is probably not enough. IN the US she would likely be in a Memory Unit, a sort of specialized NH.
I understand she refuses help, but what about if you are not available, if you lived elsewhere? I am sure you can research options in your area on the internet, and I am certain their is a process for funding and getting her admitted.
Sad situation in any continent. best of luck.

Bast, great all is finally coming together! This must be such a relief for you

Bast, I'm so, so happy that this has all worked out for you and your mum! How are YOU doing? Glad to hear from you.

Hi. Bast 1965 here. Now several weeks since mum has been discharged from hospital into a NURSING HOME. All doctors and nurses say it should have happened five years ago. They say mum and the family doctor were totally unreasonable with me - especially given my own medical problems.

At a recent Teepa Snow presentation she stated the statistic that only three in ten people with dementia have the care that they need. I imagine that is due to those with the disease deny that they need help in which case the family should step in. Another issue is family members that are in denial, or do not want to spend their inheritance. APPALLING!

I can sympathize. That is my mother, still living in an independent senior facility who refuses to move. It is very very frustrating because she is just independent enough to refuse help. All you can do is try to keep her safe, take over the essentials and hope for the best because eventually a crisis will happen and then we can move her directly from the hospital to assisted or managed care. That is what Mom's doctor said to us.

You've done the right thing to get her into the care of professionals.

I am very happy things have worked out for you.

So good to see you are both safe now. Prayers for your continued recovery. We owe it to our parents to get them to safe haven. You did a good job.

Its been several weeks now since mum has been hospitalized - officially diagnosed as completely incompetent and in need of high care. The neuro psych and ACAT assessments had to be shelved as mum needed surgery to amputate a toe that was so badly infected, the infection got into the bone. Mum also has severe circulation problems - so severe, that until her hospitalization, she used to take hot pans out of the oven - WITH BARE HANDS - and kept trying to make me do the same. Mentally, mum is classed as very unwell. The hospital has had to take complete control of mums bed side phone - otherwise I'd have no peace at all. As it was, she managed to ring me at my work place yesterday, DEMANDING I resign from her job to be her full time sole carer. I just hung up on mum and got back to what I was doing at work. I've decided to have nothing more to do with mum - as she and my late father way back years ago bought the flat next to mine - just so I'd have to give up work to care for them when they were old. You see, my parents were ultra fundamentalist Christians who are against nursing homes - the daughters have to give up their lives to care, alone, full time for their parents - very unrealistic and unreasonable - so I've decided to have nothing more to do with mum and to refuse to take any more phone calls from her. My mental health is much improved since my last post.

I noticed your last post has been almost a month ago. Are you okay ?

While your mother is away get yourself medically evaluated so you have official documentation. With what you have been describing with your mental state, seems a mental health practitioner would serve you better. If you have any contributing physical health problems than see an MD also. I am thinking heart problems, high blood presure, mobility problems are the types of medical issues that will rule you out as a caregiver.

How could a psychiatric hospital determine that you cannot care for another person? The only way would be to declare you a danger to yourself or others. they make a psychiatric evaluation, not a medical one.

I was reading through this whole thing and wondering what to say and then I saw the last post ... and I thought ... Thank God ... now she will get help. If I were you, once your Mom is definitely in care, no question about it? I would seek out a newspaper and I would tell my story. You would be helping so many people by doing that because what they have done is wrong, wrong, and probably illegal.

Certainly worth a consideration. Thanks. Hope it doesn't come to that. But if it does, then I will tell the doctors that I can't cope and I'll even tell the doctors that prior to mums hospital stay, things got so bad that I did plan a suicide - hopefully that'll do the trick.

Bast, you could have yourself admitted to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. They would then determine that you are not able to care for mom, which would also help with getting her placed somewhere.

First, several weeks ago, I told the doctor that if a tragedy, ie, a fire broke out, my neighbors would lodge class action against him. He then referred mum to a geriatric specialist. She and the nurse found a hospital bed for mum where mum will be observed for a few days before granting ACAT assessment . The doctor now thinks mum should be in high care and not sent home - that is my biggest fear - that mum will be sent home - and I can't take any more of it - I've already been through 13 years of it - first with my late fathers dementia - then my mother - and I can't take any more.

what do you suppose your suggest I do if mum does get sent home again - I just can't cope

That's wonderful news! How did you it done?

Finally, yesterday, mum was admitted to hospital for observation and tests, after which will follow an ACAT assessment - the doctor has finally admitted mum needs to be in high care - they've found mum is much worse than I realized. And I still can't understand why the ambulance refused to take mum to hospital last Friday night and TOLD ME OFF for wasting their time. I'd love to report them to all the TV stations current affairs shows

Pretty extreme circumstances! I am so thankful for this community
(©2014 AgingCare, LLC All rights reserved), where we can share, support, vent and take comfort in knowing we are not alone in situations such as yours. If it is so bad to the point you are considering suicide, I urge you to seek emergency treatment and fast. I would also suggest that you seek out legal advise since you have more than reported all these living conditions, instabilities and overwhelming mental duress and have been forced a caregivers position upon you, that clearly is beyond your limits and abilities! Sometimes, it really does take trained professionals, special tools, skills, and the right facilities to provide safety, and treatment in order to give the required proper care for those in need. I hope the right relief at the right time comes to both YOU and your Mum that you may have a better way of life, peace and happiness, whether you remain together or apart...

No you cannot be forced to take care of her. She is incompetent and should be declared so by the nearest Family Court magistrate. Incompetent people have Guardians appointed to make decisions for them. If you have a social worker, ask her to get it done.

Are there cabs in Australia? I don't mean to say that you have to drive yourself.

I don't have a car or license but I could tell mums doctors and nurses that I feel suicidal - I may have to tell some good porkies

Alternatively, take yourself to local er as suicidally depressed. Call 911 and tell them that mom is alone and a danger to herself and others. Or tell sw at hospital that you check yourself into that mom is alone and needs care. Point is SAVE YOURSELF. Think about it. What would happen to mom if you were no longer there?

In your shoes I would drive mom, with no id on her to local emergency room and drop her off. And walk out.

Thanks. Mum has another appointment at noon this Wednesday for more tests. On Friday, she spent from 11:30am to 9:30pm going round and round in circles trying to grasp she has an appointment at noon on Wednesday and must fast from 10am. Her memory took a turn for the worst - she simply had no memory - each time she asked me and I answered, it was like telling her for the very first time. Out of desperation, I called for an ambulance, but they refused to take mum to hospital - in spite of the fact mum had no memory of going to the Repat that morning. Mum said she didn't want to go to hospital, so they didn't take her. The ambos said that if mum had a fractured hip, they would just leave her there if she said she did not want to go to hospital. The ambos then coerced mum into signing a statement that she indemnifies the ambulance company from any legal action if anything happens and they coerced me into witnessing mums signature. So, looks like I am trapped into having to handle mums dementia alone.

given that mum has caused harm to the neighbors cat, I can't understand why our doctors here won't admit mum. It seems that all our doctors and nurses do is just run tests and fill out pieces of paper and then arrange more appointments for more tests at a later date. This adds to mums confusion which forces me to spend hours and hours of each day with mum answering the same questions over and over again.

my life has become an unbearable nightmare