Moving grandma from her home.

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My grandmother is 102 yrs old and lives with 1 of her (8) daughters and 2 adult grandchildren. She has expressed, well before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, that she wants to be in HER home when the good Lord calls her home!!! She has this one daughter that is a piece of work and my grandma does not want to be in her home. About 1 month ago, she beat a stroke, a week ago, she was hospitalized and is now in Hospice care. The daughter that she lives with is not that well either, however, her daughter and another grandchild/nephew lives there as well. She was discharged today (9/17/2016), and went to the daughters home that she has strongly expressed that she did not want to go to. Now she is despondent and sad. This daughter/aunt, out of the 5 daughters living, is physically able to care for her, however as I stated, my grandma has expressed that she does not want to go there. My question, is it right to take an elderly person, at her age away from her comfort? There will doctors and nurses coming to see her, not to mention, several of her grandchildren, myself included is committed to going to her home, where she wants to be,and assist where needed! Is this right or not? Please give me feed back.
Also, the aunt/daughter that she lives with has been her right hand for years. Is this sibling rivalry at it's worst?


There are times when the elder is no longer in a position to make choices. She would need to go to the home of a daughter who can take care of her. If I read your post correctly, the daughter who lives in Grandmother's home isn't well, thus that daughter's daughter probably has her hands full taking care of her own mother. She wouldn't be able to give 100% to Grandmother.

Even if Grandmother went back home, people coming to visit isn't the same as being there 24 hours per day, 7 days a week. There is so much one has to do behind the scenes that would surprise everyone. Hospice won't be there every day, and when they do come it's for a half hour or hour at the most.

Caring for a person with Alzheimer's is very exhausting even for the youngest healthiest person,.... please note that 40% of caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. Your Grandmother's daughter who was her caregiver probably crashed and burned from all the stress and exhaustion. There were times I thought my parents [who were in their 90's] would outlive me.
The daughter that she lives with is able to do things that are needed for her and not only is her daughter there, my other adult, male cousin lives there too. The daughter whise home she is currently, has other obligations that requires her to need assistance from others. As of today, my grandmother is sad, she wants to be home. I have seen an elderly person taken the comforts of there home and has died in a months time.
Also, we are committed to being there
Hospice is not going to provide 24/7 care in her home so who will? I don't think there are many people who would not say they wouldn't want to die at home in their own bed, but sometimes that is just not possible because their care needs are too great or their caregivers are not physically or mentally prepared to provide that. (My own brother when facing a terminal diagnosis chose to spare his family and go into a hospice facility).
Wherever Grandma ends up, and IMO, should be with the healthiest and most available hands on caregiver, its going to be a lot of Hard Work! We did this with my own Mom, in my eldest sister's home, and sister had 5 very active hands on assistance from us, her siblings! Even then, it was difficult, scheduling constant assistance, so that Main sister/ caregiver and her husband was able to get rest too! Add in Hospice workers, Nurses, IV pain medication therapy, bath aides, the Many visitors, our Parrish Priest, and church staff, Social Workers, and yes, it's a 3-ring Circus, plus, the patient needs REST!

In the end of my Mom's last days, at the advice of our Hospice Nurse, it was recommended that our Mom be moved to the Hospice Hospital, as she was actively dying, and in the end, my Sister decided that she prefer our Mom Not die in her home. Many reasons went into this decision, but it was collectively decided that moving her was for the best. One main reason, was that my sister had small Grandchildren at the timewho frequently were in her home, and she didn't want them adversely affected, and scared by the dying process, plus it's absolutely physically and mentally exhausting, even with loads of help.

Our Mom died 8 days later, most of those last days, she was unconscious. But the Hospice Hospital facility was incredible, not only in caring for our Mom, but supportive of all ove us, who were there with her in shifts, around the clock.

This is wgere yourfamilyis going to need you the most, please do everything in your power tobe supportive, even if its running errands, shopping, cleaning, and preparing food for the caregivers and visitors. Refreshments and the managing of them, is a busy job in itself. And accept every offer of food items, cooked meals, everything, as people do genuinely want to help!
Take care and God bless!

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