Mourning the Mother's we never had.
Does anyone else who is caring for an aging Mother find Mother's day leaving you empty and spent?
Often I mourn the Mother I never had. It seems most evident when trying to pick a Mother's Day card. (It was the same with Father's Day too). The thoughtful, "thank you for all the love, support, etc", just doesnt fit. It takes some to find a card appropriate to the situation.
Now that Mom is 87 and seems to be reverted to the hateful and narcisstic days of her youth, it is even harder. All my life I have been made to feel responsible for her happiness, feelings, etc. It had taken an unbelievable toll on my life although I have had much counseling and other help in becoming a happy balanced adult.
And yes, one stinging awful projectile of her hate and jealousy and I am right back to a 5 year old, wondering why my Mother hurts me so.
There are many, many post on these forums about how the parent can be mean and even jealous with their primary care giver. Reading these help but the pain is still there . I wonder sometimes, how do I bring this awful treatment on myself? Detaching is usually the answer to the immediate problem but even that comes back to bite me.
Reading about the lack of filter people with dementia may have is also helpful but the words and actions still pain, especially when trying to do everything possible to help the person.
What is the purpose of my Mother's Day post? Not entirely sure except to share my current pain, which seems to help so much.
A big hug and love and peace sent to all people on this forum experiencing the same today.