My mother will not go to the bathroom until it is too late. We ask her all the time if she needs to go.

Started by

She then says "that chair is wet but I didn't do anything."

6 Comments

It sounds like mother needs to wear disposable underwear.
My father had a stroke last year. Since then, his senility is becoming more and more progressive. I have shown him several times the poop mess in the morning and he just absolutely refuses to believe it's poop. The more I insist it's poop and that he needs to stop touching his pamper at night, the more angry he becomes. Because that is Not Poop and He Does Not Touch his pampers. He angrily tells me to stop treating him like a child. I'm a slow learner. I eventually learned to just keep my mouth shut, and change the bedding, his pants, and clean the mess. He cooperates instead of being angry and uncooperative.

Same applies with his urine. He will tell me that there's water on his bed. I mistakenly said, "That's not water. It's your pee. I can smell it." He got all angry and his mouth went on and on. Like I said, I'm a slow learner.

I read your comment above and I just thought of my dad. It may be useless to tell your mom what is truly wetting that chair. Like Jeanne said, just get the disposable underwear and avoid the arguments/denials. I call these disposable underwears as adult pull-ups.
Thank you for insight. Mom does wear disposable underwear...just sits in them until they are completely full and beyond. I'm just afraid she will develop a rash or worse.
And yea we call them her big girl panties. And we just go along with the story like you said. Also within the past month or so she has started "hiding" them... in dirty clothes, dresser drawers, etc. And I don't say anything to her...
I've never had to experience this aspect where they hide their pampers. I've read several people have had that problem. I was wondering how much do you get along with your mother. Any possibility of you buying a nice trash container with a cover, perhaps cover it with pretty wall paper to make it look really pretty. Perhaps if your mom is into gardening or loved flowers, you can get a pretty wallpaper with flowers. Then cover it on the trash can. Bring it to your mom and tell her that you bought this especially just for her. And that she can put in her trash, including her big girl panties in here. Hopefully she will like it and put her pamper in there?

Would she let you help her or remind her to change her pamper? Keep it at a regular schedule. For example, I change my parents' pampers at 630am, anytime in the afternoon but latest is 330pm, and 830pm. By changing their pamper regularly, it becomes a habit. Hopefully? Sorry, I was just brainstorming...

Regular schedule works here. Upon waking, after lunch, again around 4pm and then at bedtime. Plus if the potty chair is used during the day. Good luck.
I just simple tell S it's time to go to the bathroom... I do this a number of times a day... and I always tell him he may not NEED to go, but we're just making sure... he only wears his 'night pants' as I call them, at night, he hasn't had an accident in a very long time...
And the 'hiding' thing, the only thing I can think of is somewhere in their minds there is 'shame' involved... instintivly they know there is something 'wrong' with having dirty underwear.... but a regular bathroom time a few times a day , even if she is reluctant at first, will be good for both of you... let us know what is going on and if any progress is being made..

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support