My mother wants me to put my family aside to take care of her.

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i have a husband, and 5 grown kids. and 3 grandkids.
we helped took my mother out the nursing home and helped gotten her own place. my brother lived at the same city she was 2 years ago during the time she was in the nursing home and he hasnt been to see her or barley talk to her we been helping her for the past 2 years she not doing what the doctors tell her her housekeepers she has she never satisfed with the work they do we used to cook and take her to stores before the housekeepers did anything all we do we still take her to store rummage sells what ever she want to go but when i tell her
me and my husband have things to do on our own like take care our business or going to get out grandkids she gets mad and start up a argument my kids dont want to take mygrandkids her great grandkids around her because of the way she does me she cause me years of abuse and i done forgave her from everything she done to me my brother argue with her when she was there with him in east st louis imoved away they both done wrong doing to me. im the only daughter she has and im being treated like dirt i feel like sometime im being punish for what/ is this what im on this earth for ? my brother called me and he talked to me like i was suppose to put everything aside and take care of my mom in to which he hasnt done anything. and she calls me 10 times a day talk about the same thing from housekeepers to the people in her apartment building someone always stealing fromher and giving away food to everybody her social worker knows about this i rather have her back in the nursing home
my mother never hasnt she never told me she loved me she call me every name under the name god she really hateful mean crude no one in her apartment building dontlike her she s been like that for long as i remeber my dad died 2006 she treated him pretty cold blooded mydad wanted to kill her before she left me with my brother to go to las vegas while i was 12 years old and pregnant and he helped out the my son and everthing untill she didnt send money and he took out his emotions and started abusing me to now im 43 inever asked them for anything ive bee independent on my own everysince 17 never been to jail nonsmoker no achol i didnt finish school but i have have my own not asking for no hand out but this is not going to ruin my family or my marraige in which she hate she very jealous she not supportive i have my grown kids and grandkids i love my family i love my mom but i just tired of all the things im going through and been with her sometimes i want to stop all contact once before i stop 2 years because she called dcfs for no reason
for me just to pay attention to her need she was an acoholic parent she a very sickly woman on a walker barley cant walk and takes 13 bottles of medicine and has a goiter in her throat a smoker 1 pack a day and she has her evil ways shes the devils daughter totally her and my brother are the same he a drug addict smokes crack. im the only good sheep of the family you know it takes jesus my husband of 26 years and my kids and grandkids all of who keeps my days going strong as long as i live but im tired of the way my life is going on with my own mother and brother i will lose all contact with both before i go crazy

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((((((eastlady))))) sunds like you have had enough from your mum and brother. Do not put your life aside -look after yourself and you husband, kids and grandkids. Considering your background you have done very well. You do not owe anything to your mum, or your brother. They both sound very self centered. It sounds like your mum might be better off in a nursing home. Some people are very negative and complain all the time. You do not need to answer the phone everytime your mother calls. That is very hard on you. Do you have voice mail? Tell her you will answer once a day, or whatever, and let her leave a message. Set some boundaries! She is just using you to dump her bad feelings on, and it drags you down. There are others here who talk about the same things you are.You do not have to take any abuse from her, or from your brother - just hang up or walk away, . All that is necessary is that your mother is looked after, and it sounds like the housekeepers do that. So then you can choose what else you want to do, if anything, She will get mad if you say no to her. My mother is the same, but I say no anyway. Eventually she gets mad over something else anyway. Let her get mad, and hang up or walk away and lead your own life. She is very lucky that you have done and do as much as you do. If you want to cut off contact with your brother, it makes sense to me. You don't need it, and you can reduce contact with your mum to very little -whatever suits you. Good luck, and come back and let us know how it is going - please limit the numbers of calls you take from her - 10 negative phone calls a day is too draining. - you can do it. She and your brother are abusive. You need to protect yourself. (((((((hugs))))))) Joan
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Why on earth did you take this woman out of a nursing home? If she is eligible, talk to her social worker abut getting her back there.

Do NOT receive 10 calls a day from her. Tell her that you will call her once a day, when it is convenient for you. Do not answer her calls. If you do not have caller ID, then as soon as you answer and hear it is you, say "This is not convenient for me, I'll call you at 4:30," and hang up.

No matter what your brother expects, no matter what your mother says, you do not owe her your life, constant attention, or neglect of the sane people in your life.

Lose contact with your mother and your brother before you go crazy. You deserve much better than that!
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