Mother is still driving her car at 83 years old.
I live 1 1/2 hours from my Mother. I have an older brother that lives down south in Florida(I live in NY). Within the past 2 weeks my Mother while driving has gotten lost 2 times. Once during the day after going to church the other at night when she insisted on going to a Ladies meeting, This later time she got lost for 3 hours. I confronted her via phone and had her keys taken from her. My Mother has trashed me to anyone who would listen. I have found out that she has "tapped" other cars in the Fire Dept Parking lot while at meetings...as told to me by the ladies.My Mother's car bumpers have scratches all around. She drives at 5 miles and hits the breaks hard and stays near the right side of road near the curbs. I have gone this past week with her every tactic to get her keys back...calling her friends to try to talk to me, been so stubborn and not willing to realize that driving is out of the question. I gave her 3 options, 1 work work with me half way...A lady lives with my Mother(win-win situation...lady needs a place to live while she get herself back on her feet and my Mother is not alone) 2. Take a driver's test by the county police or 3 call my older brother who I know has been verbally abusive to our Mother since our Father passed 3 yrs ago. Last night the lady living with my Mother called me that my older brother was called and she was told to tell me "The pecker better give back the keys" I want to add that my older brother has not visited our Mother in 2 years. I have been working with my Mother in putting together her taxes(she was audited for a past year and did not pay the IRS until I came for a usual visit) She has fallen down the first floor to the basement---at first refused to go to the Hospital with the lady staying with her...I gave the choice go with her now or I am driving 1 1/2 hrs then bringing her myself. My Mother thinks there is nothing wrong and why am I treating her this way by taking the car keys. I am afraid my older brother will come to NY and be verbally abusive to the lady staying with my Mother AND be physically abusive. I have heard that children are responsible for the Elder parents and can be legally fined for neglecting their parent care. I love my Mother deeply yet she has refused my help or help from others. The lady staying with my Mother and I have found rides to all the things my Mother needs...food shopping, bowling 2 times a week, doctor appointments, night meetings a and weekly Church. I even called her Priest to ask for the parish help for my Mother..which they are willing. People WANT to help her yet she does not want to loose her independence. I tried to explain that she will not yet this is about dealing with change and she is not alone. I have been trying to work with her on Power of Attorney (her's is outdated before 2007), no health care proxy, no living will or a clearly defined will. My Mother ignores me or will not listen to any sense of reason. She turns the oil heat up to 80 degrees, she will not open windows to let fresh air in for fear someone will come in and rob/mug her. When she had fallen and went to the Hospital I was able to get a copy of the reports...she has anemia and they found a severe leg infection which my mother just ignored. The doctors at ER said she had another infection around her genitals from not cleaning herself after going to the bathroom. My Mother has lied to me numerous times when I am there or even to the lady that lives with her. I also need to add that I am gay living with my life partner for 10 years...when our Father died 3 yrs ago my brother at the funeral home said i had desecrated our Fathers grave by adding my Life Partner's name to my Fathers obituary and when I was kneeling at my Father's casket, my brother said out loud that "let him stay there...he needs to workout alot of stuff with my Father." I am at my wits end. I know there are too many issues here. I have been keeping a journal for everything that has happened including events, situations, names, etc I am at the point...Do I divorce myself from my mother...if she dies I know i will be in probate court for years. I have numerous health issues to deal with and this is not helping me. I love my Mother yet she does not want my help. PLEASE...what do you think? Suggestions?