Our (85) year old Mother refuses to do a will or a power of attorney.

Some people just don't want to be bothered. She might just feel that all anyone wants from her is what she has and that she was dumped in a nursing home instead of being cared for at home by those she cared for as children and gets a kick out of thinking of them all fighting it out over what she has. She has a right to give or dispose of her property any way she wants. No one is really entitled to anything unless she chooses to give it to them. Sounds like mom resents the situation she is in and intends to mete out some punishment from the grave from what she feels isn't fair to her.

It is your mother's property. She can leave it all to a ranch for the care of retired race horses. She can leave it all to one child, with nothing to the others. She can divide it up equally among a list of heirs. Or she can take no action and let it be distributed according to law. Her property. Her choice.

Is her inaction a kindness to her children? Certainly not! I have no idea why she is being unkind. Superstition? Anger? A punishment? Fear?

You might want to start investigating what the law will do to distribute the estate if she dies without a will. Assume that is what will happen, and plan accordingly.