Mother pushes my buttons.
I find it hard to fathom that my 88 year old mother could be so mean, manipulative, judgmental, intrusive. I now see a side of her I did not know existed to this extent. The boundaries are skewed, she will open my mail and read it, listens to any and all convos. She will jump at the opportunity to try to belittle me, lay guilt on me. She blames me for just about anything that is not right. Example- dining room light switch not working. I discovered it,so therefore I broke it, I have forgotten to mail letters or lost them, never get it right at grocery store. I fix her a hot nice dinner every night guess what? No gravy? Meat is tough, vegetables undercooked, food is cold. Laundry is gray, not white. Nasty nasty. No she has not been diagnosed with dementia. I am seeing that she likes to belittle me and then hope I will squirm. Sounds ridiculous but the woman can get ugly.
I live with her, take care of her. I am really starting to dislike her. As soon as I express my displeasure or ask her why she is so ungrateful she blows me off, feigning ignorance. Extremely HOH, has had many falls and was very sick recently. She is recovering and I take full credit for weeks of caring for her in all the ways she needed care that you readers all know about. Because she is my mother I hold my tongue but am getting ready to blow or else go go go. Not sure where I would go any where but here. I am trying for the first time in my life to put myself first. I have been a caregiver all my life, ( retired RN) and this toxicity is poisoning me. And I'm not going to let it.
Any words of advice on how to handle this dua ersonaity( sweet cute little grandmother/ nasty b*tch).