Mother-in-law living with us...

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she is handicap uses walker and sometimes wheelchair. I have been primary cargiver for 10 years. (she is living in our small home now (2 years) with her son and my two daughters 3 cats an me.) I am exhausted. I have lost my hubby to her. they sit and talk and I am pretty much left out of conversation. Cuz when i do say something it is either WRONG (and they "correct me" or I am looked at like an alien for interrupting their conversation. They say it is my fault if I complain! (She is alcoholic, hubby raised with alcoholism) So that is part of the problem. I am grossed out by her lack of hygiene and it causes me to be angry. Also the fact she does not do anything except sit in a chair all day and read and watch TV. I don't get any help. SHe did offer to hire someone for ONE day to give me a break and I said that would not be enough...so she didn't bother again. We did go over north overnight to see some friends, but I was totally taken aback when I found out we did not have a separate room! ARE YOU KIDDING? We (hubby n me) have not be getting along all that well and I was hoping some time ALONE would be good. HAH! I tried to corner him in the bathroom, but he was all "afraid!" his Mom would hear! WELL DUMMY why didn't you book our room separate? So "that" never happened. Hmmmm... Basically....I make food they slurp it down and rarely is there a thank you for anything....I am going crazy! I feel trapped. I don't have an outside job as no one seems to be hiring old gray hair ladys! Besides as it is the (alcoholism factor) I have to drive a 20 yr old back and forth to work daily cuz, Daddy won't be responsible, there fore he can't make his child responsible and if he isn't on the same page as me...i just end up banging my head against the wall. I just started Celebrate Recovery so I can understand the alcoholism..I have always tried to fix things...now realizing I can't but want to get off this merry go round.

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Thanks for all the input! I appreciate you all very much!
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Fried272, get off the merry-go-round. It is not at all merry for you! I am glad that Celebrate Recovery is giving you some insights into your situation. Stick with it, and you will be able to take action as well as gain understanding.

One day's respite wasn't enough, but it was better than nothing. Start small if you have to. Grab on to any positives that you can.

Who made the reservations that included MIL in your room?! What??!! Why didn't you go to the front desk an book another room as soon as you discovered that arrangement? I am totally dumbfounded on that one ... that your husband would do it, and that you would put up with it. Do you have a marriage or are you a servant to MIL and her son?

Many employers welcome gray-haired grandmas. They get life experience, a good work ethic, and lower benefit costs if the little ol' lady is on Medicare. Don't count yourself out of the employment market until you've given it a long hard try. You might be surprised.

I am wondering, "Can this marriage be saved?" (and also "should it?") I don't think it can be with the current dynamics. Couples' counselling may give you a shot at saving it, but only if you both want it saved and are willing to work at it.
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Stop trying to "fix everything" and take care of yourself. If son and mother are chatting, leave the room. Don't enable the 20 year old by driving them around. Go to Al-Anon meetings and vent vent vent your frustrations. Go get a pedicure with your daughters and forget about mother-son relationships, they are impenetrable.
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Is your husband Mom's boy or what!? Who is buying alcohol for them? Tell them "Hire respite, I'm taking break every week from this mess!!" It's make me so upset that your husband doesn't stand by for you. Start thinking move your MIL out form YOUR HOUSE!! I do understand it is not easy solution... Hug to you,Sue
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Is your husband also a drinker? I wondered if he and his mom were so close because they were drinking buddies. And since you are in recovery, you're not their buddy anymore. I couldn't put it all together, but it sounds like you need some marriage counseling. I hope your husband sees it that way, too.
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