My mother-in-law lives with us!

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My mother in law lives with us and I (the daughter in law) does everything for her and nothing is appreciated. Well she doesn't exactly live with us but we converted our 2 car garage and florida room into an apartment for her. We took out a second mortgage for this because she said she would be able to pay us "rent" which would pay that second mortgage. This was about 7 years ago. Her only income is social security and I was able to get her supplemental security income. She also is a child caregiver and makes a little money each week $125. Well now she is totally out of money and she only provides childcare minimally. I am at my wits end. She is nasty, doesn't appreciate anything, and expects us to include her in EVERYTHING we do. I really hope there are others of you out there in this situation and can give me some adivce.


It depends on how your husband feels about the situation. Does he agree that the way his mother is behaving is unacceptable, and that she hasn"t lived up to the original agreement to pay rent. If so, terrific! He's got your back and the two of you can confront her together and let her know that things have got to change.
If he refuses to help you deal with this mess, then you're in a pickle. I say, his mother, his problem. Stop doing things for her. Don't include her in your activities. If she has other relatives who are willing to let her "visit" for a while, fob her off on them.
I don"t have this problem because my MIL doesn't live with us, thank God. Husband realizes how awful she is and he'd never consider it.
If your financial situation is bad because of the second mortgage you took out to convert the garage into an apartment, and it's legal to rent it to a non-family member, you could look into getting MIL settled into Section 8 housing and then rent the apartment to someone who'll actually pay rent. Good luck.
I don't understand why she can't pay some rent from her government income. She could be getting food stamps to help her with her food needs so she has money for rent. Do you pay all the utilities, or are some in her name? Can she get utility assistance? As for doing everything with you, set the limits and tell her you want to have time without her. Send her to adult daycare.
I can fully understand everything said....I'm not sure a marriage can survive a person like my MIL. She is all of the things quoted in the comments above and is like poison dripping. I have threats, aggression levelled at me daily, tantrums and some how we are supposed to cope with all this.We started caring for my MIL out of family values and compassion....she has sucked everything out of us and we don't get a min to ourselves. I am about to make changes too....mine and my husbands life is worth more than this ....stay strong xx
OMG!! I knew it! 15 years ago I would have taken in MY MIL without hesitation because I am a good person (doormat). Two years ago, on a family vacation,
we met up with them for 4 nights (hotel) and a lot of problems occurred.(Temper tantrums for no reason) and MY Father in law is her partner in crime.
Thank goodness my husband knows his mother and her selfish, manipulative ways. He supports me and we both agree they will go to a nursing home when the time comes. Funny thing is they were nasty 20 years ago. They have three grandchildren and wonderful children of their own that they do not appreciate. I was always accommodating to them and now I heard they will come and spend the holidays with us. They must have DEMENTIA. I think they are dangling the carrot with their son because he is sensible. I told my husband I will be very busy and will leave. Sometimes, I want to leave for good. Kramer Vs. Kramer.. I feel better that I can vent my frustrations..Also, My in-laws have only 2 sons. I noticed that my friends with in-laws with sons have the same issues. Are the MIL's jealous?? What is it??? Why can't they be helpful and nice? I never are you? How's work? Never a compliment. She has lost her friends because she is so nasty. I just pray that I don't see her in heaven. I always pray for help and for them to change their ways. I admire all the girls that have wonderful Mother in Laws. It is extremely hurtful to have in laws that don't care. I would love to have a great relationship, but I really think that she has a mental problem. Please let me know what you think.

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