Mother In Law and my Husband-I Need advice
Married to my husband for over 26 years. For the last 26 years all I have heard from MIL is she is dying. My father in law has the beginning stages of dementia. MIL weighs close to 300 lbs, diabetic, Lupus, etc. My husband's brother, nephew, nephew wife, and five grandchildren live with MIL and FIL. Husband and I have our own place. MIL is the center of attention and everyone, except for me, is at her beck and call. MIL will not get out of bed to make her food, get dressed, shower, etc. She has fallen several times trying to go to her potty next to her bed. MIL expects FIL and family to pick her up from floor and help her in bed. She is in the hospital at least three to four times a year. She will not do anything for herself. My husband is and has been sick for the last several years. He decided he would start making and taking MIL to her doctor appointments and fix her meds. She has several appointments every week. Keep in mind, my husband does not work due to illness. I am the sole provider of our family. My husband will not fix his own meds and not doing anything at all at our home. I can't even say what we have is a marriage. No intimacy or going and doing things together. But, if MIL calls, he jumps. I feel used. I am hurt. I have explained all this to him and he refuses to tell his parents and brother and nephew this is creating a huge problem in our marriage. My husband just had major brain surgery. MIL response to me when I called to say it went well was "o.k." and that she "fell again". Next day, MIL was in the same hospital as my husband. I blocked my husband's family on his cell phone so he could recover. Well, he unblocked it and now MIL is in a nursing home to which she DOES NOT want to be there. She has said she wants to be at home, even though her 100 lb husband cannot take care of her. My husband has now replaced his father. Keep in mind, I work full-time and take care of our home. My husband does not worry about me or my health (I am a diabetic). I feel used. I know he needs to be a good son but is he going too far? Also, I was the primary caregiver for my mother, who passed away from cancer. I never put our marriage on the back burner and was there for him 100%. Can you please give me some advice? Also, about a year ago, when this all started, my MIL made the comment that my husband helping her is going to mess up our marriage. Please help. I do not resent her but am so very angry at my husband.