We just put my mother into an assisted living last week. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my siblings want her to go back home.

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Mom was diagnosed with alzhiemers was at home living by herself and was doing well until she started having visual hallucinations parnioa and delusions. She was hospitalized and we did a trial of trying to keep her home with more frequent visits lifeline and setting up her medications and this failed she wasn't eating or drinking lost weight, got her medications all mixed up sometimes taking 2 days worth and then none. The haullcinations came back she was admitted to a geri pschy hospital for 9 days. Family had meeting with team at hospital doctor,social worker occupational therpay all said she needed 24 hour suopervision . we as a family decided that an assitted living would be the best for my mother. It's beautiful its like a hotel. Mom wants to go home and thinks medicare is paying for this its 6,000 month alot less than having strangers coming into care for her which would cost 9,000 month.My mom has been there a week and is doing well because she is getting the care she needs and is taking her medications as prescribed. Now 2 of my sisters want to take out because she is much clearer and have her go back home. We just moved her furniture last weekend. I am the oldest daughter and have poa with my sister who wants to take her home. I am totally against this as this is whre my mom belongs and I know the same thing is going to happen when she goes back home again. We idd this move once and it was the hardest thing we had to do and I dont want to have to move her again.. I am digging in my heels and will have no part of moving her back home how can I have her stay there if my mom and other siblings take her out. I will be out of the picture if this happens and I can tell you this is noy=t going to end happily. Please help me.


you are right and they are wrong. fight. this disease does nothing but progress. left alone you mother will die. perhaps from not caring for herself, but more likely from a preventable accident. preventable if she lives in an ALF.
You have my sympathy with everything you have been going through. Your sisters have already been told that Mom cannot live alone, why do they want to put her through the turmoil again? A little temporary improvement doesn't change the diagnosis and the fact that Mom's mental status will continue to decline. The time is probably right for them to educate themselves on Alzheimer's and to learn that it cannot be reversed no matter what type of therapy is used. Look at your POA and see how it is worded.....does it state you and your sister or does it say you first, then if you are unable or unwilling, then your sister is the decision maker? That may help you if it's the latter. I cannot imagine that your sisters would want Mom to go back to living alone and have the same thing happen again....and what makes them think it won't? Is the expense of the facility causing them to have second thoughts? Do you think your siblings might try to take Mom out when you aren't aware of it? You might have a talk with the administrator and tell her/him of your concerns and see if they would be willing to talk with your siblings again, call it an update meeting, and explain how much better Mom is doing now because of the constant care and supervision that she is getting, but that she cannot continue to improve if she is left alone again. Help them to see that this is the best situation for Mom. And make sure that as POA, the administrator understands that everything is to go through you. That way you won't be blindsided by siblings. Sending you hugs and angels and please post again to let us know how this turns out!!!!!!!!
It sounds as though it would be very hard on your mother to make another move at this point. As it is, she has had to try to handle a lot of changes recently, which is very confusing and disturbing to someone with Alzheimer's. Moves are major stressors for all of us, and much more so for someone who doesn't understand what's going on. Stick to your guns and keep your mom where she is, as long as she is doing well. I would suggest that you and your sister make sure frequent, and unannounced visits, though, and make sure all her needs continue to be met well. My husband and I went through this recently with his parents, and ended up removing his mother from assisted living a few months after her husband died. She was not receiving the care she needed, although she was on a "memory care" floor of a lovely and expensive care facility. I gave up my job and we moved her and her furniture back to her house and I have been caring for her fulltime there, with some respite care assistance, for the past 18 months. She has been doing much better since then. If she had been doing well in AL, we would have been happy for her to have remained there for as long as possible, although she could not have afforded to stay much longer, as she did not have long term care insurance and, at 91 years of age, had little resources left with which to pay for care, and we would have had to move her to a Medicaid nursing home before now. It's not been easy for my husband and I, but we were committed to trying to provide her the best care we could, and, so far, this seems to be it. She will be 93 next month, and is still sleeping comfortably in her own bed at night and eating meals prepared with her food preferences in mind. She is dressed each day in her own familiar clothing, and lives, within reason, on her own schedule, sleeping when she's tired, eating when she's hungry. This seems to have worked for her much better than being in a NH, so far.
I agree with "Jam". Your siblings clearly do not understand that ALZ has no cure. Your mom's improvement is incremental and is due to adjusting well to the structure provided by AL. She is not 'herself again'. She can't manage living on her own and if she were sent home, her condition would deteriorate because that's how ALZ works. It only gets worse. Bright spots are just that, spots. Moving her would only ensure that she'd have to move again, probably pretty quickly. You're right to dig in your heels. I hope you're able to weather this storm and still have a good relationship with your sisters. It's cruelly ironic that dealing with the care of aging parents sometimes tears apart siblings – the last thing that our parents would want.
I agree with all posts above. Dig in your heels; solicit support from hospital (geri psychiatric report and current physician) and have a family meeting to lay out the realities. My mom has all of your mom's symptoms and diagnosis but the doctor's have not definitively said she can't live on her own and mom refuses to move anywhere at this time. Her hallucinations, paranoia, forgetting to eat and drink have progressively gotten worse in the last couple months and it seems to be accelerating. That will happen to your mom as well -- especially if she doesnt get the consistent expert care she is getting at ALF. IF your sister refuses otherwise, then you should clearly tell her and other siblings it is THEIR total responsibility going forward -- to arrange care, make sure the care is adequate, interview and hire/fire in-home caregivers; financial responsibilities. They have no idea how much harder it will be round two. They need to realize that it is not in your mom's best interest to move her a second time.
I also am the POA for my mother who has Alzheimer's. You are her lifeline as her POA. Stick to your guns.Your mother is doing better because she has 24/7 care and all the progress that has been made with her routine will fall apart if she is taken out of assisted living. Let the dissenting siblings step in legally if there are grounds to remove you as the POA. If your mother has been deemed by doctors that she is unable to make her own medical decisions and they support the care plan she is receiving you can not be overriden by siblings.

It is hard. You must think only of your mothers quality of life based on the success she has had living in assisted living. It is all about quality of her life at this point.

Of course she is fine now, because she is taking medications properly, eating and being observed 24/7. Very hard to do this as a POA when family is involved, but do what is best for your mother during her suffering and ignore emotional pleas from sibilings.
Agree with keeping Mom in ALF. She made you POA for a reason. The person to act on her behalf when she was not able to make rational decisions herself.
Ask siblings if they are willing to move in with Mom and provide 24 hr. care. That will most likely get them off your back. Also, having Drs. and ALF staff educate them on Alzheimers may help. They don't need to be agitating Mom. She seems to be in better shape in the ALF. So this is where she needs to be.
Dig in your heels -- up to your armpits if necessary! Mother is where she belongs.
Let's think in terms of an even better outcome: your mom stays put AND there is peace among the siblings. You're all at different stages of accepting the harsh reality -- after all, what are the odds you'd all be at the SAME stage in the same moment? Your siblings saw your mom get "clearer" at the facility, and it sounds like maybe they got a spurt of something like hope that they could have things back the way they were. People post stories on this website that go "my mom is fine... or she isn't fine but all she wants is to die peacefully at home... and my sister is keeping her captive at the facility against all our wishes." Story after story after story of siblings in conflict when they are all struggling to deal with the hard facts of how things are. Tell your siblings something like "I so understand how hard it is to face what's happening here. Wouldn't it be great if we could turn back the clock on this disease which will get worse and worse, and what painful hope it inspires to see her seem to get better for a bit! It's so sad that taking her back home wouldn't bring her back to where she could be all right there, the way she once was." Don't agree to taking her home, but also don't make it about you getting your way: it's about your mom being where she needs to be, and about you and your siblings all going through some very painful adjustments that you can be compassionate about.
I agree with all the posts. I am the oldest and have POA for my mother. I just had to put her in Assisted Living (locked) because of much the same. She was also depressed and had been running away. I didn't want to do it because she could walk here every day, I could monitor her meds and make sure she drinks plenty of water but I had no choice. Now that it's done, she is much better even though her short term memory is bad and I am also much better. I didn't realize the stress I was under caring for her and how much it had taken a toll on me. As much as we care about our parents, we are not professional caregivers and one or even two people cannot replace a full time staff. Your sibling is more focused on what she wants than what is good for your mother. I know it's hard to stand firm on this issue with siblings but if you really care about your mother, you must do just that.

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