We just put my mother into an assisted living last week. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my siblings want her to go back home.

Follow
Share

Mom was diagnosed with alzhiemers was at home living by herself and was doing well until she started having visual hallucinations parnioa and delusions. She was hospitalized and we did a trial of trying to keep her home with more frequent visits lifeline and setting up her medications and this failed she wasn't eating or drinking lost weight, got her medications all mixed up sometimes taking 2 days worth and then none. The haullcinations came back she was admitted to a geri pschy hospital for 9 days. Family had meeting with team at hospital doctor,social worker occupational therpay all said she needed 24 hour suopervision . we as a family decided that an assitted living would be the best for my mother. It's beautiful its like a hotel. Mom wants to go home and thinks medicare is paying for this its 6,000 month alot less than having strangers coming into care for her which would cost 9,000 month.My mom has been there a week and is doing well because she is getting the care she needs and is taking her medications as prescribed. Now 2 of my sisters want to take out because she is much clearer and have her go back home. We just moved her furniture last weekend. I am the oldest daughter and have poa with my sister who wants to take her home. I am totally against this as this is whre my mom belongs and I know the same thing is going to happen when she goes back home again. We idd this move once and it was the hardest thing we had to do and I dont want to have to move her again.. I am digging in my heels and will have no part of moving her back home how can I have her stay there if my mom and other siblings take her out. I will be out of the picture if this happens and I can tell you this is noy=t going to end happily. Please help me.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
33

Comments

Show:
1 2 3 4
Jeannegibbs, right you are.... the situations are different and my intentions were not to be inappropriate ...I was just venting my situation with mom. I do apologize if I was "off track" there. But, guess I had a moment there. Also, I am not with her 24/7 because I work but other household members assist with the security part of it.

Again, my heart goes out to Maureen because for years I have worked with and around alzheimer residents and still do. I have taken extensive trainning as well on alzheimers. I have watched and assisted them in the phases of this dreadful disease. My heart has bled many days for the families.

My reasons against most facilities are very personal...I saw much of what goes on in some facilities, that paint such beautiflul pictures. Thats when I made a personal vow concerning my mom. I think there maybe some great facilities out there...it has to be...sounds like you may have found one (whoo-hoo)! I am happy for you guys.

Maureen, I trust and believe that the Lord will send efficient angels to love and take good care of your mom in the facility. There are some really great people in the mix....you, your mom and your sibblings will be in my prayers also....doing what is safer and more feasible for your moms best interest sounds like a plan. I think, one of the greatest gift you/sibblings can give mom at this point is lots of love and support....support as in making daily or frequent un-announced visits to her facility to see her.

Often times from some of the staff eyesight....this signifies bundles of love and support and it does carry much weight...as far as the quality of care specifically in the later stage of this disease. The one who comes to see mom most will likely become the staffs favorite! You will be adored and because of you mom will be as well. In my eyesight, (and I'm sure others may feel the same)...I do not discriminate care and I feel everyone is VIP weather the family comes around or not.

There is a big open space in my heart for the elderly and I see a bit of my own mom thru the eyes of others. I am compelled to love and serve with all of my heart and after all these years I am not burned out....love conquers all...just my opinion.
(1)
Report

And by the way, one week (or two weeks or three weeks) is not NEARLY long enough for a resident to settle in. What does the staff there say about how long it generally takes? I wouldn't take Mother's attitude about the place at face value the first few weeks.
(4)
Report

Seriously, you should start the proceedings to become her gaurdian and not just her poa. Any court investigator out there would see that mom is where she can be cared for. Disagreements between sibs can also go again either sib when it comes to gaurdianship. With guardianship, the guardian can make the decision as to where or not mom lives in a facility or in home care. Dig in it could get nasty and the county public guardian could become moms guardian because the kids cannot agree.
(1)
Report

617 etc. "Moms only wish is to die at home!!!!" Is she in fact dying now? Is she on hospice? If so, what does the hospice team think about returning her to her home? Many people with dementia live many years. (My husband is in his 10th year.) Until the end stage, doing what is best for their daily living is probably more important than doing what they want when they are dying, in my opinion.
(2)
Report

bevel1, your situation is different in that your mother is with you 24/7. She is not in her own home living alone with intermittent support, which is what I understand maureeen's siblings are proposing. Most persons with dementia beyond the very earliest stage cannot safely live alone. That doesn't mean they necessarily need a care center, though a care center is often a good choice, especially if none of the relatives are able to provide 24/7 care. I hope your mother will always be able to stay with you. I also hope you will be open to doing what is best for you, if her needs drastically change.

Best wishes to you.
(3)
Report

Sounds like the sisters just don't get it

"doing well because she is getting the care she needs and is taking her medications as prescribed."

My mom is no longer having seizures because the care she gets in the nursing home makes sure she takes her medicines as prescribed, etc. which she was not doing at home nor was her husband nor the helper at the house able to keep her on. My step-dad thinks she can come home now that she is stable. The is like a person with a mental illness stopping their meds because they are doing better without thinking that they are doing better because they are taking their meds. Yes, my mom wants to go home to, but along with it not being a safe environment, she is not a safe discharge with her dementia and total immobility, etc.
(3)
Report

i also pray that Maureen's siblings eye's will be opened. it's not enough for their mom to be happy, she has to be safe too. i feel so blessed that my sister and i are in complete agreement.
(3)
Report

You really find out what your siblings are made of when caregiving a parent. It can be heartbreaking and eye opening at the same time.
(2)
Report

PamelasSue, I think you are correct on that. It is so devastating to see families torn apart because of Dementia...no matter what type it is. And families that refuse to even consider what is best for their elderly charge because they are trying to protect what they see as a monetary reward when the end comes. When my mother's husband passed away, my younger brother and sister traveled 800 miles to "bring her home where she belonged" and then promptly ignored her. She lived alone but couldn't drive. I took her shopping and to appt and visited when I could around my work schedule....she lived in the same town as the 2 youngest, I was 20 miles away. But that didn't stop either one of them from "borrowing" money from her. When she became ill she placed herself in a NH and stated that was what she wanted and she was happy. The 2 youngest still ignored her and the evening I sat with her while she was dying, I called the sister and told her she really should come to see Mom.....I was told "I'm sorry, I can't do that"..........I stated my unhappiness with that and to this day, that same sister calls me a bitch and we have not spoken for 2 years. It's horrible what happens to families who argue about their parent and I pray that Maureen and her siblings can come to some type of agreement so the same doesn't happen to them.
(3)
Report

My mom has dementia. I keep her at home with me. I have had to take lots of safety measurements and it takes everyone in the household to understand and cooperate with her condition. Personally, sending her to a nursing home or assistant living facility is out of the question for me. I pray to God it will never come to that. Her doctor works along with me on the best options for her medically and that helps. However, when we are at home....the "ball" is totally in my corner.

I do understand alzheimers is a dreadful disease and I understand the dynamics of any family who may have to deal with this my heart goes out. Only lots of love have given me the patience to deal with my mom's dementia. There are really tough periods at times but we are mastering them all and taking it one day at a time with the help of the Lord. There are actually some beautiful days in between.....It could be better with more sibbling support though. I can understand your sibblings wanting your mom home and I can also understand you wanting her in a facility that can help. Have your family to weigh the pros and the cons ....ofcourse after they have first been educated on this disease. I think after they understand the process and nature of this disease they will then have a more feasible view....only then will they fully understand.

I see this is an older post but I would be interested in the outcome of this one and best wishes to you and your family....I hope everything worked out for you guys.
(1)
Report

1 2 3 4
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions