Mother in Assisted Living called a moving company. How did my loving mother turn into a mean, old woman?
Moved my 85 year old, health breaking down, mother into assisted living last summer after five years of falling, hospital trips, raging UTI's that landed her in the hospital, etc. We live three hours away, but like a good son I always rode to the rescue and saved the day when she got down, including moving her into assisted living near us. She started demanding that I move her back home last fall. I've read the posts, the ones about how you change the subject or deflect the conversation when mama starts her "take me home" begging. Doesn't work. My older, special needs brother died about three weeks ago. But mother won't give any of us time to grieve his death. She cries at times and says I didn't love him like she did. She calls daily, leaving multiple, rambling, muffled messages demanding that I bring her car, dog, all her stuff, some of which we don't even have, to her. The social worker at the assisted living/nursing home said "don't worry. They all say that." Well, last week mother called a moving company to move her home. Now, the social worker says "we've never had anybody do that before." Welcome to the world of "hell with my mother." She became so negative we've stopped answering her calls. That just makes here even more angry. Went to see her this weekend and the first words out of her mouth were "bring me my car. You've locked me in this prison and I am NOT staying here." She can't even fasten her seatbelt or open the vehicle door without assistance, yet says she can drive to the store "when I get back home." Today she left messages saying she was going to take my name off her bank accounts because she doesn't want me writing any more checks to the assisted living facility. My wife is sick of her and says "just let her go back home." But I'm afraid if we do that she'll rewrite the will and remove me as POA. She says she'll hire a sitter, but she'll fire them by the time we get back home. There are no other siblings, but I've become public enemy #1 to her. I could write a book on the mountains we've moved to care for her and my late brother during his fight with cancer. But none of that matters to her now. She's become a contrary, delusional, mean old woman. She complains that her leg hurts so bad she can't put on shoes, but won't take the medicine the doctor gives her. She refuses to let anyone help her, including me, the nurses, anyone. She tells me if I loved her, I'd bring her the car and help her move home. I'm at my wits end. She's abused me and my wife (but my daughters are suddenly angels in her eyes.) My daughters have helped out significantly, but nothing compared to what me and my wife have done for her. Now, she's calling and asking for their social security numbers because I suppose she wants her estate to go to them rather than my sorry butt. I'm debating taking her cell-phone that we got for her to keep in touch with friends back home. I hate to do that, but we can tell that somebody on the outside is helping her. (she doesn't have internet to locate a moving company and her bank account scheme is too complicated for her to have devised it alone.) She's flipped her lid but still knows who we are and where she is, and where she ain't. Possibly beginning stages of dementia, but she won't go to the doctor to get checked out. (she'd deny it if they said she had dementia.) She knows perfectIy well how to drive us insane, which is where I'm headed. I've learned by now that nobody has an answer and everybody on this forum has their own caregiving horror story. My mother and I have always had a loving relationship, but now I feel guilty for wishing she would die. But the mother I used to know and love doesn't exist anymore. Sorry for the rant, but friends at work and church just give pat answers and want you to be okay. I feel like I'm trapped in a time loop reliving the same nightmare over and over each day with her. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.