My Mom was in expensive memory care for almost a year. She recently died in hospice.

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The Executive Director of the memory care never sent a note, a card, an email or otherwise acknowledged her death even when I saw him at the Care unit following her death. He barely grunted hello to me. I sent him an email saying how disappointed I was by his behavior but he never replied.
Has anyone else run into this or am I dealing with the Autism spectrum here?

26 Comments

He's not autistic, he's just rude.
sobomary, imagine working day after day, year after year, in a memory care unit where no one ever gets better. The Director probably is now emotionally numb.
No man or woman who is the Executive Director should EVER forgo comforting the family after the death of a loved one. He should not be in this position. Only the most compassionate, caring individual, should oversee the Memory Care facility. I lost my dear sweet Father 15 days ago..Dad still was able to do so much..congestive heart failure occurred and he passed within 12 days. I received calls from the Med Tech (a young girl who no longer works there), Activity Director, Sales people, even the receptionist in Assisted Living My Father was at this facility for only 6 months. Sobomary I applaud you for your courage to send him an email. If you have the opportunity tell him how much your Mother meant to you and you will not forget his ignorance. I wish you well and peace after the passing of your Mom.
Geeze. my father was only in MC for 3 weeks and they were all wonderful! He was respite for 2 weeks, and we had just signed him in for full time when he got ill and passed with hospice at the MC. They even waived the 3000 move in fee.. we got a refund check! Maybe you should let others know about your experience if they ask... This is unacceptable to me.. they all say it's a family sort of enviorment... We were so comforted by Dads place.. i cannot imagine. So sorry for your loss
Never waste your time on an ExDir. They are bean counters, totally unbonded to patients. Show him a bad spreadsheet and he might burst into tears. You know who cares? The Aides. The Nurses. The Social Workers. People with their own hands giving care, the cooks, the cleaners. Not the Suits.
My Mother's beloved physician of 25 years behaved the same way. He was in the hospital her last morning. When the nurse paged him, he said he would be there in a few minutes. Mom was gone within 15 minutes of the phone call. We never saw or heard from him.

My sisters were very upset with him and still are. I never cared for the man at all and just considered him a write off. His sympathy was not important to me.
Sounds like rudeness to me. Some people just don't have the ability for proper etiquette. While it's a shame, know you have higher standards and forget about him. I'm so sorry about your loss. I know how difficult it can be.
thanks for all the comments. I really appreciated it. No matter, i think that he should not be in the business ever.
At my mother's NH, they don't even announce when someone dies. She just doesn't show up at dinner. My MIL said that it is the same way at her assisted living. One day they are there, the next day they are not. They think that it upsets the others, if they announce each death.
Where my dad lived thet would tell you some one passed if you asked if they were hospitalized they were very vague. I think it has a lot to do woth privacy laws. But the staff was very sympathetic and kind after my Dad's death. They went out of their way to let us know they loved him, too.

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