My Mother died 4 days ago

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Please know this is not a question, more of a follow-up to a post I made a while back in regards to my Mother, and I hope this may help someone out there who may experience the same thing.

My mother was a 77 year old type 2 diabetic suffering from Stage 3 renal failure. I took her to the doctor's office regularly. I listened intensively to everything I was told, researched everything for hours on end, called people in the medical profession whom were friends. An instance happened where I noticed a sharp change in her memory/behavior and mobility. I kept detailed records of everything I saw and informed the Doctor. They assumed it to be dementia, and based off their reasoning, I agreed.

But shortly her symptoms started to evolve which did not seem like dementia to me. After watching her, and considered her history of heart failures and slight blockage in her carotid artery, I alerted the doctor that I suspect her to be suffering TIA's. (Repeated mini-strokes) and the only way to definitively find out, would be to have an MRI of the brain. Unfortunately, even with the symptoms and detailed history of heart problems my Mom had, the Doctor didn't think it was necessary, and I was dismissed.

Shortly after this her condition declined to such a rate where I couldn't understand her, she couldn't walk, lost function on left side of body. We rushed her to the emergency room where they gave her a CT and found a massive brain tumor on her right frontal lobe. 17 days later, she died. The point in all of this is to tell anyone who is a family member, if you know something is not right, if you're with this person daily and you know them better than anyone else, and you notice something not back down.

Unfortunately I did not live by my own advice and I backed off and listened to the Doctors, since they know so much more than I do. But had of I been a little more tenacious and insufferable toward the Doctor, maybe there would have been a chance we could have bought ourselves more time.


I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. I do appreciate your words of wisdom. I hope you don't have regrets though, since, there could have been factors that were out of your control. Would she have even been a good candidate for surgery, under the circumstances. I hope you can find peace in the care you did provide.
desertorchid, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. You are right that doctors don't tend to follow through on what could be causing dementia in an older person. I wonder how often it is something like a brain tumor or normopressure hydrocephalus that is missed. Do you think they could have operated if there was time? or was it in a difficult place? I am sorry they missed what was causing the problems. I am sorry the doctor didn't listen to you.
I'm so sorry you lost your Mother.She was lucky to have you and your care.It seems like the Doctors Assumed wrong,not you.YOU tried to tell them.You did try your best.
I know it hurts.I lost my dear Mother too.Take good care in the days ahead and again,I'm so sorry.
To JessieBelle - According to the surgical team at the hospital, they explained they would like to perform an awake craniotomy on my Mom. They went on to say the procedure is on the same level of a colonoscopy. With her being awake there would not have been any anesthesia, which according to them wouldn't make her heart work harder than normal, would be less stressful to make the body regulate blood-pressure. Out of all the specialists we spoke to, the only people who gave even a glimmer of hope was the surgical team, and went on to say they did this procedure 6 times this week, and saw a case very similar to my Mom's and reduced it by 90% . In terms of location, it was located in a relatively easily accessible place on-top of the brain, rather than deep inside.

Ultimately it was my Mother's decision, which she struggled with and then we ran out of time since she developed pneumonia at the hospital and grew even weaker, and we both knew we just ran out of time.
Such a sad story, and so painful for you. You're very kind and thoughtful to share that with us during your time of grieving. I hope that your memories of your mother comfort you in the days ahead.
I wish we had a sad emoji, instead of clicking the like sign. I don't like what you had to go through, desertorchid. It is sad. Sometimes I think we would be more peaceful if we didn't know these things. What I hope for your mother is she had a good life until she got ill and that she is at peace now. I hope you can also find that peace. I know you would have liked to had more time with her.
Dear desertorchid,

My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know you did everything possible for your mom. It is hard.

Thank you for sharing your story with us during this difficult time. In my own case, I too failed to see my dad was declining and should have known something wasn't right. He died of heart failure. I regret this deeply in hindsight.

I agree with you 100% everyone has the right to question the doctor and nurses. And should go for a second and third opinion if they feel something is not right. It is a lesson I hope to keep with me.
Sorry for your loss.
Desertorchid, thank you taking the time to warn others. I am sorry for your loss and in hopes you will find comfort from helping others. Peace be with you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mothers passing.

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