Mother and Daughter Relationship Issues

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My Mom and I are living together in a one bedroom apartment We share expenses but money is tight since I am not working full time as a Caregiver The agency I am employment by was suppose to find me other clients but after three weeks still nothing I have noticed since we moved in August My Mom sometimes gets a little aggressive with me and sometimes I feel overwhelmed from the lack of support I get from her I didn't notice her attitude to much before but alot has changed with money being the main issue I try not to take her comments seriously but it hurts sometimes the way she acts Now I am her paid Caregiver she acts like she has control over me and gets upset when my husband calls or we even go out (we are seperated and they can't stand one another) which I respect but don't like to be reminded I hoping when work picks up things will get better I just feel like nothing I do is right My Mom critizes me on everything She is on Medications but it doesn't seem to change her mood any Some days are good and others are bad but I guess this is the adjustment period and it will get better it time Any suggestions to improve the stress level and makes things run a little more smooth would be great She is 73yrs old and sometimes we don't see things eye to eye like we us to (she is my birth Mom but wasn't raised by her we became close after my Mom died (Her Mother my Grandmother) Our relationship has been up and down but not like a Mother and Daughter Relationship She tries but it isn't the same Thank you for any advice or any Inspiration to get me through Blessings Deborah


I am answering you because I posted on this sight and got no responses. I felt very defeated but it motivated me to find my own answers and to acknowledge others who asked for help. The main thing you will see on this sight is for you to take care of yourself too. Sounds like a complicated relationship with no easy answers.Find some resources in your community to help out with her and possibly get you some personal help. I know in my own situation sometimes I just try to hard to please someone that is very negative and never happy. This does not mean I am not good at what I do, it simply means my client is who she is. I can only do the best I can, treat her with the same respect I would expect, and have a clear conscience about the care she receives. Hope this helps a little. God bless.
Thank you for your words of encouragement lindam We all need the support Being a Caregiver isn't easy Sometimes it is very challenging This is a support group and we all need to be supporting each other no matter what we are going through Thank you for being there Bless
santababy, hopefully you have consciously chosen to leave your husband's side to be with your Mom, right? If you have not made that as a conscious choice, you realize that is what you are saying that you have done, right? If your Mom is paying you, then she does have control over what she wants you to do for her as a caregiver. Do you want to live with your Mom or do you need a paying caregiver job? I guess I am unclear about what you are sharing. If she has dementia and/or other health issues, chances are good that her symptoms will only worsen; not improve. If you are not living with your more for personal convenience and/or our of necessity for housing, then you may want to locate and screen a home health aide or caregiver to take your place and have your Mom pay that person. Have you thought of doing that? If you did, you could check on he as needed and not put your own life on hold. Just one viewpoint....

The problems in my Marriage brought us together I thought by taking care of her and being a paid caregiver which I wasn't aware that her insurance covered it would take some of the stress of knowing we had one income we could count on I just received my Certification for PCA and I am hoping that this will open other doors for me I know for now since she is still in good health she wouldn't be comfortable with anyone else but I know maybe down the line I will need to make other decisions about her care I am starting to get everything together for her like A Power of Attorney and assigning someone to make the decisions when she is not able to Sometimes I just get overwhelmed sometimes and I need somewhere to go Just someone to listen to me and knowing I am not alone That there is others going through the same issues This is all knew to me Changing Careers and going through Life Changes is very challenging as well as taking care of my Mom I have done it on my own without being paid since I brought her up here in 2001 It hasn't been easy but I know there is a reason we keep finding ourselves back with each other Thank you for listening and for your impute I was just letting go that night I wrote that so much stress trying to make ends meet and not getting the support you need sometimes makes it even more challenging Blessings
As a fellow caregiver, I understand. While our circumstances may not be exactly the same, caregiving is a challenge even on a good day! There comes a time as a caregiver where you may no longer be able to look to your loved one as a source of emotional support because the basic rules of life have suddenly changed on you as a result of physical and cognitive changes your loved one is going through. When that happens it can be pretty scary. Your Mom may not have it in her any longer to be supportive of you, not because she is being mean, but due to dementia and/or other health issues. In life we do the best we can at the time given all that we think we know and it is great that you are also thinking about the future. Don't think too much, though. For a caregiver there can be such a thing as thinking too much and stressing out as a result. Keep sharing. There are many members here who truly care.

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