Help! Mom's bout with pneumonia has turned into a chronic bathroom situation!

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I just got Mom out of the hospital from a bout with a bad cold which led to pneumonia. She was there for 5 days and wasn't ready to be released, but with insurance, medicare, medicaid and everything else, the doctor turned her loose. He wanted to send her to a chronic care facility, but decided there was no rehab for pneumonia. So I get to be the doctor, nurse and CNA all in one.
Well, the antibotics were so strong she has chronic diahrrea and they withheld
her fluid pills because she was dehydrated, so she started swelling in her face and ankles and he gave her fluid pills to her when he released her and it really wasn't bad except for the diahrrea. Then yesterday, 2 days out of the hospital, she starts peeing everywhere! She absolutely wore me and my husband out, up and down to the bathroom, but by the time we got there, her Depends was full of pee, plus she was peeing on the pot, too! She started "sundowning" about 5 o'clock, another result of being confused while in the hospital, and I got her to bed around 6. So every 15 minutes, round the clock, me and my husband took turns getting her up so she could go pee and it was always too late. I have NO clue how many Depends she went through until I went to bed at 11:00. Then she wanted to know WHY I was going to bed. I changed her and she had slowed down a bit and when I got up at 4:00 a.m. to get my husband off to work, I checked on her and she was laying on top of her bed, with her clothes on and her bed made. She hasn't had clothes on for days! I think I am more confused than her as to what is going on with her. You can't get an answer from the doctor, because he attributes everything to their age and there is really nothing they can do, so he says. Just stick them in a nursing home is what they want you to do. I cannot do that because I do not think she is ready for that and she is my Mom. I have lost all interest in EVERYTHING except my cats who bring me so much comfort and joy, just being there and talking to them. I am behind inf EVERYTHING and have NO desire to do anything. Has anyone ever experienced this before?? Any helpful comments are so appreciated. Thanks!

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Anti-anxiety meds might help, but it also sounds like she might need some pictoral reminders.
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No, she isn't on any anxiety meds. Each time I tuck her in at night, she says "thanks for everything you do for me, cause I don't know what I would do without you". Kind of sounds like she is afraid something is going to happen to me or that I am going to die or something. I used to be able to tell her where I was going and like you, made my time later in case I was late. Then I started using a dry erase board telling her where I was going and when I would be back. She got until she looked at it so much, she would erase it and then forget where I was. Now, she doesn't understand when I tell her where I am going and forgets anyhow. But she still remembers that I am her caregiver and I guess afraid she is going to lose me.
Really, she pays no attention to anything, but where I am and what I am doing and watches my cat non-stop. Thanks for your comment. I so appreciate it!
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Chloe-I don't have time to reread the posts-but is she on an anti-anxiety med? If she is-maybe try a different one? Sounds like she is really worried about where you are all the time! When I go out of the house, I always give my mom a time I will return. I frequently say later than I think in case I am late! It just reassures her that I am coming back...and whoever is with her can say at what time I will return. In the house and at night I reassure her that her monitor is on (next to the couch or her bed) and she can call me whenever she needs me. We sing the song "You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I'll come runnin...to see you again..." She loves music! Good luck to you! Mame
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Purplesushi, Thanks for your comment. I have since tried not giving Mom her water
pills when she got up in the late afternoon as an experiment to see how much she would get up and pee, since she would go back to bed about 3 hrs later. Holding her fluid pills made no difference whatsoever. We always listen to see if we can hear her pee, and she hasn't been peeing every time she gets up. Just looking to see where I am! I guess she just lays in bed wondering what I am doing or where I am at and it is every 15 min and definitely no later than 30 min that she gets up. It is no wonder that she sleeps the next day away. She is totally worn out for getting up and down, when she is not able.
Jeannegibbs, thanks for your comment, too. I certainly agree that sometimes a hospital stay does more damage that what is ailing them. This time Mom's dementia kicked in and stayed. She never did recover mentally, but physically she sprang back like the energizer bunny (not as mobile as before she got sick, but unbelievable that she even recovered). I am just at wit's end and ready to pull my hair out because she has to know my every move! If I set in my chair with the computer, she thinks I am sick! Same thing if I take a nap! I think my mental and physical ability to cope is just about exhausted! Like I've said before, my husband is so good to set with Mom and let me get out a little, but I can't enjoy myself because I know she is aggrevating him to death wanting to know where I am or when I am coming back. She is even doing that when I go outside since the weather is getting better. Everyone suggests placement, but I just don't think I can do that yet. Any other ideas? Thanks!
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chloesgrams2012, hospitalization is really hard on persons with dementia (and it doesn't help that most hospitals, even exceptionally good ones, have no clue how to deal with dementia). Each time my husband was hospitalized they got his healing started in the few days he was there, it took a few more weeks at home for him to complete the healing process, and then maybe a couple more months to get over the hospitalization experience. I'm not kidding. The good news for us was that each time my husband did recover to his previous baseline, but it took many weeks.

I quickly learned not to leave a dementia patient in the hospital without a family member present (we took shifts) and to insist on the earliest possible discharge followed by in-home care. Sometimes hospitalization is essential, but you can pretty well count on a need for recovery from the experience itself.
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@Chloesgrams - can I ask you what time is your mom taking her water pills??? My mom only takes one per day, and her doctor told us she needs to take it before 10 a.m. so she pees during the day. If your mom isn't getting up until mid-late afternoon and is taking them then, that will definitely explain why she is getting up all night long to pee. Just a thought....
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Thanks for the helpful comments. My husband just suggested we need a way to find out how much fluid she is getting rid of. A potty chair would be a good idea. The nurse had given me a "hat" as they call it to get a urine sample in and that is a good way to check also. It is no wonder she sleeps the day away, because she is up until midnight and after peeing. We listened last night when she got up and sometimes you would hear water and most of the time none. But, each time she had to check and see where I was or make sure my husband was setting in his chair. This has really gotten bad in the last few days and it is really starting to work on me. Thanks for all of the advice and any more that you have to share will be greatly appreciated!
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chloesgrams2012 - I like the idea about the potty chair. Plus, then you'll know how much her output is. But I would also suggest you check with the doctor about getting her a mild sleeping pill just to get her regulated. My MIL used to do something similar too - stay up way too late then sleep late - over 1/2 the day away. I know they need more sleep than we do, but it's not good for them to get too much sleep and it's really not fair to you to have to work your life around her sleep schedule ALL the time. It's stressful enough, much less if you're extremely tired from lack of sleep. Just a thought.
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I think you are exactly right about Mom getting too much sleep and not being tired at night. I have tried unsuccessfully to get her back on schedule. When I start trying to wake her, she is really groggy and incoherent. I'm trying, but it's just not working real good. Thanks for the potty chair idea. I have seriously thought of the idea, and it would greatly reduce the water bill, LOL! Thanks for the info, it is really appreciated. I will try your suggestions!
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Hi Chloe. I put a commode in mom's bedroom so she could get up and go during the night. I just dump it in the morning. Maybe if you get one it will keep her from bothering you while you are trying to sleep. As for her sleeping, do you wake her - or try to-in the morning? I try and keep mom on a good schedule-so she will sleep at night. Maybe your mom is getting too much sleep during the day so she isn't tired at night. Just some thoughts! Good luck! Mame
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