Mom's mental state and stubbornness make it hard for me to arrange for her long-term care.
I moved my mother in with me about five months ago. I deal with her hoarding, "shopping" through my papers and belongings, refusing to go to scheduled doctor's visits, and showing paranoid and delusional behavior. She's actually had the same habits before, but her mental state seems to have worsened. Dealing with her, work, and graduate classes put me on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Today, she refused to go to an appointment. She has cataracts and doesn't want anyone "cutting on" her eyes. She believes she can get glasses and make the problem go away.
She is also having problems understanding documentation. I'm not sure if it is vision problems, cognitive problems, or a combination. She misunderstood a document about Extra Help for prescriptions and thought that it was a notification that her Medicaid was being discontinued.
Her poor eyesight hinders her from doing what she wants and needs to do. It also puts more of a burden on me as I attend to things that she can't see and try to work around her vision problems. To make things worse, I can't ask her to stop keeping dirty dishes and trash in her room without her making a nasty comment about my housekeeping habits. I told her that I was under a lot of stress with working, going to school, taking care of myself, and being a caregiver. Her response? "You could have finished college a long time ago while you were out running around."
I would like for her to stay so that I can keep an eye on her and make sure she gets the medical care and assistance she needs. However, I'm dreading approaching the topic of money with her--I haven't asked for any money for rent or utilities, and I usually buy her food myself. (She gets lunch from Meals on Wheels on the days that I'm at work.)
I'll have to start asking for and documenting her contributions in order to keep her assets below the maximum for Medicaid. When she gets upset, she'll mention how she doesn't like staying here and plans to move out on her own. She doesn't want to stay in assisted living, and I took her into my house because she was not able to take care of herself properly.
I'm worried that she will see my request for rent as being "bossy", and that she will move out and not keep up with what she needs to do to maintain her health and finances. I was concerned for her welfare earlier because she had lost weight and had been hoarding extensively. Now that she is in a more normal state, I don't think I could prevent her moving out based on my concerns. I'm frustrated and worried that she will wind up in the situation she was in before. I'm in Florida; she has an Elder Care caseworker. Any suggestions on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!