My mom's hospice said she is actively dying.

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It started yesterday so we are on 32 hours since eating and talking. She is congested and hasn't opened her eyes in about 24 hours. Her extremities aren't mottled and she has deep breathing with the congestion noise I've read about. She seems at peace, I wonder how long it will be? I'm running out of things to say, it feels so trite sometimes to say the same thing. Just need to hear what you all have to say, I don't want her to go but at the same time she isn't here with us. Please respond - how long?

22 Comments

I believe it will be in "God's Perfect Timing".....Take care.....
let her go . her major concern for the last year has probably been , YOUR , continued well being . ive been thru this twice , recently .
my aunt died just last night . i am so relieved for her .
in the NH she lived every day but not really on her terms .
Captain, my condolences, and I hope you are hanging in tight. A hug, M88
How about asking hospice nurse to explain?
Can or do you want the RN to be with you?
Ask, that's what they do.
It will be my turn ... my ♥ goes out to you. M88
Like the DMV, she is at the gates of Heaven, has taken a number and is waiting to have her name checked in The Book. Tell her there's a big party waiting there, give her permission to go. She can hear you.
Just a couple thoughts. Hearing is sometimes the last sense to go. She may not understand any longer but a soft voice, or music, can be comforting. If she was religious read her favorite passages from the bible. Hum a song. Play her favorite cd.

A bedside vigil can be very hard to maintain. It's impossible to predict the exact moment life will end. Don't beat yourself up if you are not present at the end. My best wishes to you.
Thank you for your comments. We are at over 48 hours. She opened her eyes today and it was like a sweet surprise present. She tried talking to us but couldn't utter anything but she tried. She is still wavering between consciousness. Some bed sores have developed but other than that she remains the same. Gods timing not ours and I really like the DMV analogy. I talked to her about that. Thanks you.
For my own Mom, hospice told me it would be within 24-48 hours that she would pass. So I stayed overnight at long-term-care both nights.

While channel surfing in the wee hours of morning I came across my Mom all time favorite movie "Smokey and the Bandit" so I kept the TV on that movie. Mom was in a coma state but I think she was "watching" the TV.... because she passed on around 5 minutes after the movie ended at 3 in the morning. Coincidence or not? It did make me smile that she waited until the move was over.
The hospice nurses I've had experience with when my loved ones died were spot on ... They had the timing down to just about the last minute...
My mom is still with us. No food or water since Tuesday and waivering consciousness. Eyes closed most of time, teary and glassy. Heart rate has fluctuated between 137 and 80 when morphine is administered it goes down. This morning we experienced very rapid deep breathing w periods of apnea. Heart rate got down to 41 and pulse ox couldn't detect anything for awhile. Her feet and ankles are cooler than normal but not blue. Now she seems to be resting soundly, shallow breathing but still asleep. It's like a roller coaster. I've said all I want to say. In heaven she will meet the baby girl I lost in a miscarriage and Boscuit, my 13 year old lab we lost in December last year. There are times I wish I were going too. Our world has so much strife and hardship I ling for her to be at peace finally. In a body where she can move and thoughts that she can express. She told me once recently she was sad for her situation bc she couldn't talk to her grandsons. She would try but the words wouldn't come out and she couldnt share her thoughts. Some she could but others no. I am conflicted but I ling for the ups and downs to end and for her to be at peace. Six days is a long time to watch your mom just fade away ever so slowly. I'm thankful for the time but I guess we still have to wait for her time.

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