Mom won't stop with the "I wanna die" talk...

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My mom's been going through chemo and radiation for rectal cancer. She has a good prognosis. She hasn't lost any hair nor has gone through "extreme" side effects. She has a lot of discomfort with burning and chaffing also bleeding when she uses the bathroom.

She has ONE more day left of radiation! We're hoping the small tumor has dissolved into nothing, however if it didn't, my mom is old school -- she does NOT want to be opened up for surgery. She thinks that once they open you up -- that's it. So, we respect her decision to not go with surgery and just do the "maintaining", which is going to be another whole set of siblings trying to go back and forth driving mom here and there. So, ... yeah.

If you are religious, or even spiritual, would you mind saying a prayer for my mom that her tumor is gone? Tomorrow is the last day and she has three weeks to know if it has been changed to non-cancerous. She said she wants to die if the tumor is still there. I get it. Cancer sucks the life out of you, but I want my mom to have quality of life. Her worst fear is having a colostomy bag, because my grandfather committed suicide because he had to get one for his illness back in 1970. Times have changed though.

Regardless, please, if you can, all I'm asking is to just pray for her, or send some positive energy.

Thanks so much for reading this....

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Thank you. We found out that the chemo and radiation has lessened the tumor, but the cancer is still there and needs to be removed. She doesn't want to be operated on. She's a "healthy", vibrant 76 year old who can live a long life -- but I have to respect her wishes if she chooses not to. She wants a few more weeks with the radiation, but it's going to hurt her so much. (It burns her bottom up severely.) Please pray that the cancer is gone or goes away. I've been depressed all holiday long and I know that 2015 is going to be super challenging.

Thank you in advance.
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I will pray for her. God bless you both.
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Thank you so much for listening, empathizing and just giving the best advice you can.

Mom woke up yesterday morning...smiling! She said, "It's amazing! The pain went away!"

I HONESTLY believe that between this site and all of the prayers and many others who have prayed for her besides myself have truly made a difference. I read somewhere that her type of pain from the radiation itself may never go away. The past couple of days, she has gone out to dinner, went to family dinners and enjoyed herself, laughing and joking like she used to.

I'm in awe.

So, thank you. Thank you!!!

I'm so relieved. I totally understand that the lack of quality of life may want to bring some to that decision of 'turning the lights out' --- but what if there was a silver lining like my mom just had? I mean, what if that pain, that misery can slip away somehow? That's the scary part of it because she wasn't terminal. I can totally understand a terminal patient who is just going to keep declining and declining. And yes, part of me wants to keep her here forever, she is such a vibrant women.....except when illness brings her down unfortunately.

Again, just thank you.
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I think it is a very normal reaction when diagnosed with cancer and after having surgery, then dealing what whatever meds you are given, to want to die.

I had the same reaction when I had cancer back in 2009.... I had wished I would have died on the operating table.... there is a lot of emotions going on, a lot of deer in headlights moments, and those darn meds which caused a whole variety of non-user friendly side effects. It was a case of the medicine being worse than the illness itself.

TheBoogs, your Mom will do fine, give her time, there is just so much emotionally for her to deal with, and she's from a generation where *cancer* isn't discussed, it's always hush hush.
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Don't know how I'd do it but i would find a way. Maybe move somewhere it is legal
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@ Debbie - I don't believe I would walk into the woods to die. Too buggy.
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My healing prayers and thoughts are being sent to your mother and you! I also believe your mother, no matter her age has a right to decide if she wants further treatment. I understand how hard this is for you as for different reasons, I am experiencing the same thing. My godmother, who has been like my mom my whole life, was diagnosed with early dementia/alzheimers. It is so hard to watch such a strong willed women losing her ground mentally and she is very scared! As I watch her fading from me, I can understand why as a person gets older and illness takes over that they rather go "Home". With our pets, as they get old and sick and cannot get around, we say it is humane to put them to sleep and not let them suffer, yet we allow humans to suffer in great pain and agony with no quality of life! I have never understood that, especially since I was a nurse for 10 years and worked in a nursing home back in the 80's until I hurt my back, and saw people laying in beds suffering or in a vegetated state.

I myself would not want this. Our Native Americans had it right, when they became to old that they felt they were a burden or could no longer contribute to their people, they walked off into the woods and allowed God to take them Home. I know I do not want to be a burden to my children when I can no longer do for myself and have no fear at all to go Home. As my mother back in the 70's had a life/death experience, she always told me never be afraid to die, that Heaven was truly our Home and we are Spiritual beings having a human experience and that Earth is just our University where we come to learn. Death should never be feared, when I took care of my dad for 5 years, he came to me one day when he was not feeling good, and told me he had no reason to be here any longer, that he did what he had to do here on earth and it was his time to go Home to my mom, who had passed away 3 years earlier. I remember telling my dad if that is how he felt, then by all means go Home to mom. He went into the hospital that same night, the doctor told him he was terminal, sent him home with hospice to help me and within a week he passed away. I am a very spiritual person and feel if they need to talk about it, then listen to them, give them dignity and assure them to have no fear!
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Thanks for sharing what's going on and the encouragement. You certainly come from a good family. Keeping you in my prayers.
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Ouch. Sounds painful. Hopefully she'll take the pain medication she's been prescribed to alleviate the pain as she heals.

The other evening I was wondering how she was. Glad I came on tonight and saw the post.

I want to thank you for your update.
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I believe everyone on this discussion will be praying for her and peacefulness and strength for you. Everyone handles this dreaded cancer and any illness in their own way and with their own words. Respect her rights to handle it her way, no matter how it may makes you feel. Hang Tough, cause that's all you can do really. Pray and Pray and give her pain to the Lord.
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