My Mom will die soon, purely due to vanity.

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In a NH, 88, parkinsons, dementia and numerous strokes. She wanted her dentures relined so I booked a para transit bus (can't lift her into my truck) and took her to get that done ($500). She has complained ever since that the lower ones make her mouth sore but she's had dentures for 60 years and her jaw bones have wasted away such that there's not much support for them.

I've bought her some healing cream and told her to leave the lowers out so her mouth can heal. Nope, she won't as "it makes me look old, whatever will people think?" ... you're 88, you are freakin old and who gives a d*mn what anyone thinks! I was there today to fix her wheelchair. She's convinced if she could just go "somewhere else" all would be fine. Not happening! Unless she leaves the bottom ones out to allow her mouth to heal, it will never heal.

So now she's refusing to eat ..."I can't because it hurts". ... poor little me, lets do crying, whining and manipulation (that ain't working!) Okey dokey, starve yourself to death in the name of vanity, your choice. She's been a narcissist life long, always on a diet, shopping for fancy clothes, planning her next exotic vacation, trampling on anyone who dared cross her path unless there was something in it for her and refusing to lift a finger to help her elderly parents around the corner, always obsessed with her looks and that obsession will kill her.

No matter what you do, you can't protect someone from themselves, Sad but I've suffered her torment life long and what will be will be. I really don't care.


you would think at 88 a person would relax a little .
who knows , we may all be crazier than even her when we get there ..
i dont think vanity will be my issue tho . most days im covered in saw dust , a blue bandana on my head , a red one on one boottop and a blue one on the other boot .
strangely enough a woman who ignored me several years ago is beginning to show either an interest in me or just a morbid fascination ..
good luck ash , your mom sounds like a real card ..
Ashlynne, my Mom [96] has the same issues with her teeth, and this has been going on for decades, and It frustrates her dentist to no end. My Mom says her snap in bridges, top and bottom teeth, hurt her.... the reason is because she has never left them in place long enough for her to get use to them, so of course they will hurt. Her dentist [super nice guy] keeps telling her *leave those teeth in".... but after every meal she will take them out, clean them, and leave them out until her next meal.

But back when she was younger, she would get new shoes that would hurt but she would wear them until they finally became comfortable.... go figure.
Yeah Cap, every time I visit - Old track pants covered in dog/cat hair and gardening debris, muddy truck, I get "What have you done to your hair"? Nothing Ma, just scuffed it back - there's never any time for me! My mother has been so self centred and vain her whole life and it looks like that vanity will kill her.

Why won't she realize no-one cares? The majority of the residents barely know their name, let alone what day it is. A former dining room table mate, Margaret, 98, died last week, along with another resident and their photos are posted on the hall notice board. Does she know or care? Nope! The Queen cares for nothing and no-one but herself.

When she first went there she shared a room and was totally hateful to her room mate, who eventually died from stroke. My mother wasn't concerned at all and I get her a private room (costs $550 extra each month) so she couldn't torment anyone else.

Interestingly when I was a kid we'd go visit her parents on a weekend and grandma would make a roast. Grandpa would take his teeth out at the table and Mommie Dearest would b*tch about it but, even though she lived around the corner with 100% free time and a big car did it ever occur to her to take him to get his teeth fixed? You're kidding me right? It was just whooppeee, a free meal so I don't have to cook.

Having trampled anyone who crossed her path, she has no friends and I'm all there is but I won't go visit for some time. Her Cr*p just makes me ill for a day or two. No wonder I love my animals so much. The majority of mankind stinks!

Cap where do things stand with Aunt Edna?
Just an update. Went to the NH today (3rd day out of 4) to see if she wanted anything when I go into town tomorrow. Yes, face powder, which she slathers on any time she has to leave her room, and mother had her teeth out. On seeing me she immediately covered most of her face with a small towel, like some terrorist, because "I look old" and mumbled at me through it. Excuse me? I've seen you naked, I've got you up off the floor with blood and poop everywhere. Everything in her life has revolved around her looks and possessions, not keeping up with the Jones's but obsessed with looking and, to all intents, being one better than them. It's so darned sad.

Yep I have to run into town tomorrow. Though I have mail redirected, government stuff seems to get through to the NH and unless it's a greeting card she tosses it. Found one yesterday from the UK pension office that, as they hadn't received form xxx sent a couple of months ago they were cutting off her pension, enclosing another form and unless they receive it by a certain date they'll cut her off permanently. So, this morning on the phone to England (from Canada) getting her pension reinstated for another few weeks and tomorrow I have to run into town to my lawyer to get my signature as POA witnessed, then to the post office to ensure there's enough postage on the darn thing.

This morning I explained it to her and told her she must NEVER throw away mail. Her (muffled by the towel over her face) was "I can come and live with you". (1) I have a wee house and there's no room (2) There are steps to outside and into the bathroom (3) she's bed ridden, unable to even sit up by herself, demented and can't be left alone for 5 minutes 24/7 and (4) at this point she needs skilled nursing care 24/7.

Sorry to be so dismal but I've had enough this week. Going to tend to my critturs,, flop in front of tv with supper and get an early night. Tomorrow is another day. Thank you all for your kindness. I've been part of AC for quite some time and, without you all, I don't know how I would have made it through.

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