Elderly Mom wants to move in with me again, after I gave her 43 years of my life taking care of her.

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My mom is a wonderful loving mother, who due to blindness at the age of 60 is still very angry at the loss of her independence, now 82. I never moved out of my family of origin, except about 4 years ago. My older sister became a widow with a young son, and so she moved in to care for my mom. Our father now 85 and our older brother 57 also live with mom. It is a fairly dysfunctional home, but "normal" within my family's frame of reference. I finally had the courage to move out on my own. I love it! No more shutting the house down at 7pm, my mom's bedtime. Recently, I was sick and needed major surgery and mom has offered to come sleep over for a week. When I wasn't sick the first week she was here, it was great. I enjoy spending time with her and though her mobility is limited due to her fear and blindness, we kept busy. However, now that I am still recovering it is hard to rest (she gets up to pee in the middle of the night, then she gets up at 4am to pray for an hour then I have to get up at 6am to make her coffee. Then I go back to bed till 10-11am. While she remains asleep in the couch. She plans to stay this time till Saturday, that's 7 days. I am so bored not knowing quite what to do for enjoyment since I can't really do much of anything physically. I feel so bad because she wants to live with me. She has always experienced emotional and spiritual distress living with my father, who was an alcoholic till the age of 77. Under pressure from her because I feel so responsible for her care since I never married, a few days after my surgery I told her she could come live with me. It took so much courage, 15 yrs of therapy, and putting myself first for once, to leave her home, now I feel like the "bad" daughter. Please Help! I'm praying for God to help me...I believe and all my sisters agree, I had to move out. I was very depressed and suicidal living in her home. I never made a life for myself. At 47, its not too late.


She plans to go back Saturday, so let her go. She will want to return to her own home. Tell her it's OK to go. Tell yourself to let go of her. You broke the yoke of co-dependency once, you can do it again.
You are not a bad daughter if you don't let your mom live with you. You can offer her help and support in her own home. Or find her somewhere else to live. You don't have to give up your life and your personal happiness in service to your mom.

She's lived a good long life and made her own choices. Now it's your turn to live your own life and make choices for yourself. Look at your own history as to why it's not a good idea. It will only be worse this time, because you know what it's like to live on your own, without having to adjust your life to your mom's schedule. Love her and support her, but don't sacrifice yourself for her!
You never married so you feel responsible for your mother?! What kind of logic is that? Your head knows that you cannot live with her. Listen to your head. It understands your history.
Help yourself and leave.
Thank you all for your comments. Very helpful and supportive.

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