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I feel mixed emotions. I'm almost prepared and my daughter and me we discussed how to go about the funeral and cremation. You know, we kind of rehearsed and role play in our heads what will happen next. But as they say no matter how prepared you are, when you see a parent's dead body it's so difficult and heart-wrenching. My mom's Alzheimer's, osteoporosia and bone pain etched into her face. She looks so emaciated and in pain. She's skeleton now. Literally a skeleton. An empty shell of what she used to be when she was very feisty, so outspoken and could even fight military and policemen. All the years of body pain is all written on her bony face. Death is imminent. She's not speaking any more and not eating, can't even open her mouth. Her eyes hazy foggy. I just held her hands, softly whisper to her ears, try to comfort her. She's staying at home. We can't afford any more hospital. We're readying whatever meager funds we have for her funeral and cremation. I'm glad I had the strength to get a funeral plan 2.5 years ago. At least I won't have to be paying on the spot cash out. It's been 19 years of caregiving and it's obviously coming to an end. Honestly I feel a sense of impending relief. To me being a Christian, I'm seeing that my mom's spirit will soon be freed from the old, sick body. To some extend, I actually feel gladness and sadness at the same time. I will be keeping my Agingcare friends posted. Thanks so much for this website. I read many helpful articles here and gained practical wisdom and know-how from the experiences shared by caregivers just like me who are broke, are the only child, and single mom like me and being the only family breadwinner juggling caregiving, raising daughter, sending her to school, doing house chores, juggling all sorts of jobs just to make ends meet., I'm so thankful to all of you. My mom is on her last stretch now. Maybe a week or two or a month or so, it's all over. I will give her a hug now and hope she opens her mouth a bit so I can drop some cold water or warm porridge to feed her frail body. Thanks, talk to you all again. Please pray for my mom Sally. She's 81 years old.

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We are there with you mhmarfil. I like to think that our loved ones go to the other side when they die, where a fresh new body is waiting for them. There is no more sickness and no more pain. I know your mother will be all right. I am glad that you are there for her, loving her. That love is the most important thing. Wish I could give you a real hug. I'll just have to send you one here. {{{{mhmarfil}}}}
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mhmarfil - what a difficult time for you. I know, I went through it about a year and a half ago and it still seems unreal. Yes, whisper in her ears, how much you love her, how much you'll miss her, how happy she'll be free of her diseased and broken down body. That's what I told my dad. I hope it helped him. The other thing is, even if she can't eat or drink, use a washcloth if needed to keep her mouth moist. That brought comfort to my dad during his last hours. But also know that as much as you think you'll feel relief, that doesn't come as quickly as you would like it to. First comes the grief, the loss, the time usually spent on caregiving that you no longer know how to fill if you aren't taking care of your loved one. Then comes trying to redefine your life, figuring out who you are when you are no longer a caregiver. Everyone around you will expect you to feel relief, to feel as though you now have your time all to yourself, that you will feel free once again when actually all you will wish for is one more day that you have your loved one with you. It continues to be a journey and a learning experience even after the caregiving is over. Don't let anyone make you feel you should be feeling any different than you are at any point in the process. Everyone experiences it differently and in different time lines. My prayers are with you for peace ~ Kuli
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I am so sorry for what you are feeling. Are you using hospice for your mother's final days. Medicare covers that type of care. Hospice can help alleviate your mom's pain and let her final days be more comfortable. Hospice does work with those who are in a home setting.
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Yes, the emotions are mixed. Just know that soon your mom will be out of pain and in peace. Do you have Hospice to help you. They can send a nurse to help you with pain meds, to keep her comfortable.
My prayers are with you.
Dina
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Thanks to both of you... I don't know what to say. Right now I'm just holding back my tears. I can't see my computer screen my eyes misty foggy cloudy! I felt like my mind is empty but it keeps telling me to move on, do little every few minutes, accomplish what needs to be done, but I feel so confused I don't know which task to do first. I'm gonna have my cup of coffee again. I just cleaned my mom a bit. I wanna clip a bit of her fingernails, there's dirt on them. Thanks so much for your prayers. Keep them coming please I'm gonna need angels right here right now. Carry my mom to peace and final bliss. Thanks all of you.
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I will pray for your mom, for you, mhmarfil, and for your family. I also had mixed feelings when I knew my dad was nearing death. My heart wa breaking knowing I wasn't going to have him to hug but I desperately wanted him to be free of pain. When he was diagnosed, he was a 60 year old athletic handsome man. At 68 he weighed 84 lbs. I was with him to the end and I was amazed to see every grimace of pain gone and a peaceful beautiful look on his face. He was released and I was thankful.
Cherish your time with your mom. Release her when her journey is over because she will be free of pain and agony. You fought the battle with her. You are a loving daughter. I wish you peace dear lady.
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Keeping you and your Mom in my prayers. May God hold you in the palm of His hand during your hour of need. Blessings, Mishka.
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