I made it! It's over, at least for 28 days.

Started by

I know I'll get over it, but I'm still in a daze because we didn't even have time to discuss it. My husband finally convinced MIL to let him change her doctor to his (who is also mine) and called yesterday at 3:30 pm to tell me that he (Dr. Arrick) had agreed to take her as a patient, but that he wanted her admitted to Heartland Nursing Home immediately. The ambulance was on it's way to pick her up as we spoke.

She is settled in at the Nursing Home now and it's like when our kids grew up and moved out. The house is quiet and empty. I wanted it this way but I didn't expect it to be sudden. I thought we would plan it ourselves. It was nice we didn't have to search for a good Nursing Home, though. Heartland gets good reports from everyone we've spoken to, especially doctors.


I told him that he should be the one to tell her so I took the phone to her bedroom and let him talk to her. I didn't listen to their conversation and don't know what was said except she kept asking "Are they coming to get me today?" She repeated that 4 times.

When I told Nancy, my helper, that she was going to be sent to a Nursing Home right away, her only comment was "WelI, guess I'm out of a job now!" She didn't have a concern that maybe it was a good think. MIL's health was declining rapidly and she needed better care than we can give her at home anymore. This our doctor can see and it was time to make this move.

She is settled in at the Nursing Home now and it's like when our kids grew up and moved out. The house is quiet and empty. I wanted it this way but I didn't expect it to be sudden. I thought we would plan it ourselves. It was nice we didn't have to search for a good Nursing Home, though. Heartland gets good reports from everyone we've spoken to, especially doctors.

I thought I would jump back into "my life" just like it was, but there is no "my life" just like it was anymore. I am older and things have changed in 2 1/2 years. I can now pay attention to me, though, and get the medical attention I need and not post-pone it. I can go to my grandkids soccer games and school programs or just sit out in the yard swing, and I can speak to my neighbors when I see them outside (if I can remember their names :0)

I asked my husband if this was permanent and he said "we will see". Since my doctor is his doctor and her doctor now, too, I will put a bug in his ear to tell my husband to keep her there. He knows how this has been affecting me. He asks me about it every visit I go to.

24 Comments

Congratulations!

While you are getting back into your groove with me time, make sure that husband gets to see how great it is to have some couple time, too.
Congrats! I'm so happy for you. I hope things stay well for you. :)
Yes! Funnierthanme is free! Your helper, Nancy, doesn't sound like she's going to miss mil - just the income. That says something, doesn't it... I couldn't be happier for you. Time to bust out of that house and do the things you've missed. I hope this placement is permanent. Whew!
I'm so depressed this morning. He told me last night she had been asking him, like she does every day, when are you going to take me home, and he told her "as soon as Jan is able to take care of you. Her back isn't strong enough yet" He said he wanted to bring her home before the 28 days expire and Medicaid kicks in. I didn't understand that, but I didn't need to question him. He said he doesn't know how much longer she has to live but he doesn't want her to die in a nursing home. So there you have it. I'm sure he will bring her home whether my back is strong enough to do this or not. I had gone to the ER 8-2-12 with what I was sure was a ruptured disc but was diagnosed as sciatica and back spasms. It was the worst disabling pain I have ever experienced in my life. I don't want to do anything that might cause this again and bending over her or lifting her, etc. is a no-no.

In addition, Nancy told Jim she is looking for another job and he is afraid she might find one and "we might lose her" so he wants to get his mother home "before we lose Nancy." If I could only get up enough nerve to tell Nancy she needs to take a bath or at least wear a deodorant. That might help some.
Well, Funnierthanme, your good news that you'd be free of mil for 28 days, didn't even last 48 hours. There's no way that you can lift mil with your back the way it is. Can you go to your doctor, since its your mil's doctor too, and explain the situation? Maybe if your doctor puts you on a "no lifting, no bending" order, you husband will understand that you can't possibly take mil home? It sounds like he just doesn't get it.
I'm going to call "our" doctor today and see what he says.
Funnier....any news?
Well, when he visited her last night, she was throwing up again. He didn't ask about her bowels. But she continues to be vomiting since over three weeks ago when we put her in the hospital in the first place. I asked him if they had done anything to try to find out what is wrong with her and he said he didn't know. Since I am going to "our" collective doctor this morning about my back, I am going to tell him all about her and see what he might want to do. I will also tell him I just don't think I can take it if she is brought back home for me to care for.
FunnierThanMe - Does your husband even have a clue what this is doing to you? Are you thinking he knows that if MIL comes home again needing this much care from you, that you don't have a life and you lose what's left of your health and well-being, or does he have blinders on when it comes to his mom? (Is there anything we could do that would help you "question" your husband, or find "the nerve" to ask Nancy to shape up?)
Funnier: I wonder if your husband realizes how he is taking advantage of your good nature and jeopardizing your health. I think you need to talk "straight" with both the doctor and your husband. A few words from the doctor to your husband should open his eyes. He should worry more about losing you than Nancy. Also, insensitive and bad hygiene Nancy has to shape up or ship out. You are well within your rights to tell both her and the service company you are not satisfied with her attitude or personal hygiene. If you tell them the kind of person you want, they are obligated to send someone to match your qualifications. Don't ever be a doormat, because people - yes even loved ones - will always step on you.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support