Mom ruined my 30th wedding anniversary. my feelings my wits end with her ways.

Started by

I was in a pretty good mood (under the circumstances) until my mother opened her mouth again and again. She is attention seeking, complains all the time about her pain which is more incredible than any pain anyone else could ever have (it's so great it can part the seas). Just stupid! She takes enough medicine to put an elephant down but it doesn't work according to her. My husband thought I was upset with him because I was and am quiet and just want to be left alone. I told him it's not him but his mother-in-law (my mother). I'm at my wits end with her!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh, I understand completely. For so many older people, it becomes all about them. I'm sorry your day was ruined. Maybe you and your husband can make up for it a little tonight.

HAPPY ANNNIVERSARY TO YOU - ( and your hubby-* wiggling hands)
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DEAR RAINSIN( and your hubby---*wigggle wiggle )
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU ( and you hubby-----*wiggle wiggle, wiggle hands ,)

Sorry your Mom made you and on your big Day!!! Celebrate anyway! 30 years deserves a nice celebration even if it takes you a few weeks to get it worked out.
Well, today's Friday. Why don't you find a sitter for her on Saturday , all day and till midnight. You and hubby go find a nice inexpensive hotel with a working indoor pool/jacuzi, and RELAX and CELEBRATE! Or whatever hours you can afford to be gone. Otherwise, postpone your celebration, find a sitter (relatives, friends,etc) and do your celebration then. Sorry about your mom. But, I think deep down, you knew this was a possibility, right? Next year, leave mom behind, and you both go out to celebrate. Congratulations!!!
I feel your pain.. Today is our 27th Anniv. .I was woken up this morning at 5am to a blasting TV because Mom 90yrs. wanted me up because her stomach was upset..This has been going on for over a week...After I give her sympathy make her breakfast , it miraculously goes away...My husband and I have planned a short trip next week and my sister will be coming to stay with Mom..There is no way I'm telling her I'm going away until I'm in my car!!! We haven't been away in a long time..............
raisin, I'm so sorry your mom ruined your anniversary. I wish I had a dollar for every time my mom ruined things for me. She couldn't stand not being the center of attention and if she ever got wind I had plans that didn't include her, she conjured up something to make sure the plans fell through. She didn't live with us nor did she have dementia. Her physical ailments prevented her from going very many places. She got plenty of attention from me but it had to be ALL the time. So I quit telling her about my plans. My kids helped by being back up caregivers and I just went about my business. I never felt guilty. Wheres it written moms need to know our business? I just stopped playing her game. Congrats on your anniversary. Now you and hubby make plans, don't tell your mom and enjoy yourselves.
Thanks for all the responses. I just want to know where is it written that caregivers should be abused by our parents?
When you're a child, it's illegal. When you're an adult taking care of them because they are old and fragile and most especially senile/dementia, then the law looks the other way. They can now do all those abuse without being arrested. Why? Because they're old and not of right mind. We are of right mind and ought to know better.

I read somewhere here recently that if we even hit back from defending yourself of their physical attacks, that we can be in trouble of elderly abuse. If we live together and don't take care of them, it's abuse.

We can try to medicate them to make them calm. We can find a way to put them in alternative living or nursing home. We can move out and let them fend for themselves until someone gets hurt and only then will the gov't step in. Or you learn as much as you can on their dementia and how to react. Etc... life sucks.

Did you have a party? Well, if you didn't you need to this weekend. Tell sibling next door you are bringing her over while you and hub go out. You need to speak up a bit louder and State your plans. Don't be afraid of telling her you are disappointed in her constant attention getting. Hope you have many more anniversaries and that no future celebrations are ruined:) xo
Yay--- go out! Have fun! Tell Mom the president called and needs you!! Just go out and have fun. Or , if you really really cannot, put the old ba-- darling- to bed and celebrate. I made my husband have a 70's fondue party -just him and me. (girl was in bed). I made him dress up -he looked like Mr. Brady--- I looked like Mrs. Roper!---- and had fondue and watched old 70's movies.

And , once, on Valentines Day I "ordered" ordered him a , ummm, lady of the evening. IT WAS ME! I bought a wig and dressed in a slinky dress and rang the doorbell. (again, daughter was nice and safe tucked in bed-she was but a wee thing then) if the neighbors had looked out of their windows they would have had quite a shock!

Hope that wasn't too much information-TMI-- but I am just saying-sometimes it takes some creativity.
(hmmm, my 20th is coming up next year-maybe" Bambi"will come back. Of course she will not look the same in that tight fitting dress. Not at all!!!! Lol! )
I'm sure this isn't the first special occasion ruined, right?! It never ends and I feel for you. I agree with earlier post, tell her that her behavior hurt your feelings and ruined your special day, at least you will feel better. Then salvage what you can, 30yrs is a BIG DEAL -- make sure you tell your husband how much you love him and appreciate his patience and support with your mom. Carve out time this evening or another eve soon, get the sitter or alternate caregiver, don't tell her until the last min and you are heading out the door and don't look back.
Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support