Mom refuses to take my advise.

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I am at my wits end. I try to give my mom advise to make things easier, or more beneficial, but she refused to listen, and tells me she doesn't trust my advise. I feel like I'm just her gopher. All I'm good for in her eyes is to take her to the dr, and run her errands. She does ask my opinion on her hair and clothing, but anything else ends up in an argument. Seems the only way "I" have to convince her is to have my sons, put it to her. Then she is all ears... It's actually very insulting. I know she wants to feel independent, and in not trying to take anything away from her, but its unnerving. Even the simplest thing. I cringed when I think of the next few years, when she will not be even worse. Shpuld I just bite my tongue? And lets her do things that are just illigical?

9 Comments

Oops, lots of typos! Hope you can get the gest...
You say your mother has vision problems so I am not sure how to answer you. I am sure others will post. All I can suggest is what I did with my mother who has Alzheimer's...I made contact with her friends...they already know my mom's situation regarding Alzheimer's so they were willing to keep me me posted since mom trusted them and not me. They directed my mom to come to me for help and it worked. I hope this helps you\, Hugs to you!!
That's a great idea, but I wouldn't dare do that. The only friends she talks to are her sisters, and they would surly tell her what I said. I guess I was just kind of venting. I was do fed up. It was really something very simple inwas trying to help her with.,, just a banking thing. I suppose I can try talking to my son, and maybe he can tell her to start listening.
Keep venting...I am sure someone on this site can help!!
Use your sons? Been there, done that. I tell my parents 'til I'm blue in the face, my brother says it and all of a sudden it's like angels from heaven trumpeting. Argh.
Older people are afraid that the males will leave if not treated politely, but they know that the daughters won't. Don't even get me started about the time my Grandma wanted me to make a 40 minute round trip to get milk because my brother was visiting her and "might want milk on his cereal in the morning " (he gladly picked it up on the way home when I called-- not his fault).
Bobbi, when it comes to taking advise from the family, sometimes it just works out weird. That's funny because with my parents (now it's dad only) it was me that my sister called 'the big guns' that would have to be brought in to advise them on whatever. My brother on the other hand, he's 'the golden boy' (only son) so it's always he, that dad calls to help around the house with projects. Even though he has perfectly capable sons-in-laws to help. It seems us kids all had our ranking with mom and dad, couldn't be helped. Your ranking is different with your mom than anyone else, so I'd say as long as your mom is getting help from SOMEONE in the family, let it go. We couldn't get into our folks minds and change them, so my siblings and I have learned to let it be what it's gonna be. There were times that my little sister would have a great idea for our parents, but unless I suggested it, they discounted her advise because she was the youngest. So I would just get on board with what she had said, and they were good. Like I said...weird. ♥
horserider, I had to laugh when I read your words. You nailed it. I remember when I traveled 14 hours from TX. My brother was due in the next day. His trip was only 10 hours. My mother said it was my job to cook him a feast. She never did understand why I wasn't thrilled to do it. Old fashioned women, what can you do? They're a mess.
I think there is a more competitive thing between mothers and daughters. Seems moms are more likely to take advise from their sons. I've heard this from several peers. I have no brother, or sister, so I guess it's my sons that have the most weight with her... I think daughters are also taken for granted, because for some reason the mother thinks its expected...
With my mother the answer is simple. She thinks women are dumb. God put them here for two reasons -- to have babies and to clean house. She has some strange beliefs. Yesterday she told me that sex was what made Adam & Eve fall, and God arranged it so there would be plenty of people. Children were the punishment for the original sin. Of course, I was thinking, "But only for the children." My mother just doesn't think very highly of women, which is sadly common for women of her age.

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