My Mom passed on tonight. She died heart is grieving.

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I am devastated. My only solace is that she is with the LORD now. But I am really upset with my siblings as they did not take turns by her bedside - even though it was so clear that she was in her last days. They were not there as they went to do an errand - only one could have left my mom's side - but they all left - left her alone and several hours later she passed on.

What is hard for me is that I had sent an email out to my siblings as there are issues between siblings and they prefer not to see each other. I sent out an email to ask for schedules for mom's care (mind you, I am out of the country and was doing this via email and video conferencing) - so MOM would always have love near her as she progressed in her decline. And two of my siblings were very angry with me for asking them about time with mom. Now I realize - they didn't want to stay by her bedside. They did not want to be there when she took her last breath.

I feel guilty I was not there by her side. But I could not do so...

Oh, Mom, I will miss you dearly... and look forward to seeing you one day in heaven.


people are going to react differently in such an emotional time. my mother was knocked out on morphine and liquid ativan for her last 50 or so hours of life. sis wanted to live out her bedside nurse fantasy and i was pleased to let her. i went and laid stone the final few days because mom was already gone if shes not to be permitted to regain consciencness. ( never could spell that word, im old, f**k that word. )
i was sitting at my pc late at night when sis came and told me the cheynne stokes breathing had ceased. i found it pointless to sit and morbidly watch someones body shut down. sis was in hog heaven but then sis is a freaking ghoul, imo.. a time to live, a time to die, then lets go have fried chicken and pie.
see what i mean? everybody is different, i dont want no gd chicken and pie.
With the deaths I've been exposed to and her about this is not uncommon. Sometimes people do a deathbed vigil, but the ten minutes they are in the bathroom the patient dies. Some say it is because the person doesn't feel free to depart spiritually while there's someone there holding them here. Please forgive yourself, I don't doubt your mother knew and knows of your love for her.
I don't think this is the time for even constructive comments about your siblings. I'm so sorry for your loss of your mother, and I'm so sorry you weren't able to be with her. As you say, she is at peace now, and in God's hands. Be comforted. Big hug.
My mom and dad died within 6 weeks of each other. I had been the main caregiver even though I have siblings. I was find with that because it simply was easier for me to be there and I love my sibs. Both times however, I was out of the state when they passed and while the sibs were close by, they were not at the bedside. I also believe they could not depart spiritually with me holding them there.
I'm so sorry for your loss.. As you said you will see her again. Hugs!
Of course your heart is grieving, you have lost your dearest mother. She can never be replaced but she is at peace and I can only echo what others have said about the dying being alone when they pass. Try not to judge your siblings, they may have felt your mother's need to make this journey alone. I believe in spiritual communication. Blessings
Perseverance - I am so sorry for your loss. Through your comments on this website I could read/ tell that you love your mother. You are a wonderful daughter and caregiver. After everything you have done for your mother I understand how upsetting this is for you. Your siblings let you down. Huge! If they did not want to be present they should have told you so other arrangements could be made. This is on them NOT you. You did everything you could, no guilt is yours. I am thinking your mother is proud and thankful of how hard you tried to keep helping her even when you were out of the country.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.
I think everyone is showing support here, and I want to ask you to read what Sunny wrote again.... It's strange but it really is true. I was at my dad's deathbed for 7-8 hours and when I finally walked away for 10 min for a breather, he had died. It might not have made a difference. She knows you loved her. xo
I am not trying to push my beliefs on anyone, but I do want to add one more thing. Many patients before death claim to see their loved ones who have passed on. If you believe in angels, guides, etc., know that she was NOT alone. She was already passing into the other realm. There is no fear there. No fright, no lonely feeling. There's comfort, peace, and a warm envelope of love. That is truly the basis for many of the stories of death I have read. Take comfort in knowing she was already on her way and probably reuniting with her loved ones on the other side. Very much like us being in a dream. People awake are seeing us lying there, but we (our minds, souls, whatever) are far away doing something completely different in that state of consciousness. I'll be thinking about YOU today and try not to get into it with your siblings... you are already stressed at this point and no good can come of that. Hugs.
omg, I feel for you. May god bless you, and give you peace. I wonder if I'm going to be in the same position soon, and I couldn't imagine how that has to feel. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. My heart hurts for you, really :-(

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