Mom passed Friday night.

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I know I haven't posted very much on here, but I have spent hours on end on this site reading through forums and commenting on a few. I found much comfort on this site.

Mom had stage 4 cancer that spread to her brain and spine. She couldn't walk, and could barely see. She was only 51. I dropped out of college in December to come home and take care of her.

I'm only nineteen. I should be losing my mom this young. There's so much we were suppose to do. She was suppose to see me graduate college, get married, have children...

I feel so guilty. Taking care of her full time depleted my patience I had for everything. Many nights when she'd call for me every half hour I'd be so frustrated. I somewhat resented her for making me have to drop out of school, leaving my friends and boyfriend, and having my life become a complete 180.

Now, I would do it all again if I could. Just to have a little more time with her. I just want one more hug. One more I love you. Though I'm relieved she's no longer suffering, I'd give anything to have her here with me.

I know it's easier said than done, but enjoy the time you have taking care of your parents. When they go, you'll miss them more than you could possibly imagine.

6 Comments

Sorry for your loss Alil... Thank You for your honesty! What you experienced is normal. We all get frustrated and I can't imagine how difficult it's been for you.

You are young and have plenty of time to continue on pursuing your career. Only one chance to help care for a dying parent. Your mother will always be with to watch you graduate, marriage and babies!

Bless you on your new journey through life :)
Oh Ali time will heal.. I'm sorry.. Life isn't fair at times.. Please try to remember the happier times..
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. That must be so difficult, especially for a child your age. My mom lost her mom when she was a little older than you. I know it's painful.

You sound like you gave much to your mom during her illness. I'm sure that meant so much to her.
My heart felt sympathy on your loss. Your Mom will always be with you in your heart.
Ali, your post brought tears to my eyes. It is obvious you love your mother immensely. With time, you will get back to the things you should be doing. Have you thought about school yet this semester? Even if it is only one, even online, that may help.

If you want to try online, check out Coursera, the classes are free and called Massive Open Online Course (MOOC). May be a good place to start to get back into it.
I'm so sorry, Ali. The guilt you feel is normal for us caregivers. We all get frustrated from time to time with the one we're caring for. We're not perfect even though we try to be. Thank you for the reminder to value them now before it's too late. You take care.{{{HUGS}}}

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