Mom passed away yesterday! Grateful for this forum! Moms journey!

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When I got mom 2 years ago to live with me, I was her caregiver and just 10 weeks ago placed her in a nursing home. I asked many questions here on this forum as this was my support group. There was always someone who would take the time to share their ideas or comforting words. I tried to keep mom cognitive as much as I could, and took her to lunch everyday. My moms first symptoms were seeing people in trees. I thought well that is pretty funny. She could see people there. She once started making peanut butter sandwiches for the people, because they must be hungry. She was a dance instructor in her early days and she said she would dance for them and they would clap! She waved at people pictures on the wall and talked and waved to the people on magazines. You see she was a friendly person who loved people. For mom all this started when she turned 80 and she passed at 84 1/2. At our home she was loved by my beautiful children and my amazing husband. She couldn't remember my husbands name so she just called him that nice man. For the first year I slept with mom every night because she was scared and I brought comfort to her. The second year I went to bed with her every night at 8pm. We watched tv and then when she feel asleep, I left. I started to return at 6am to help get her up. We had the most amazing time together, dancing, singing, laughing and loving. I tried many supplements and read anything to help her along her journey. Before I placed her in the nursing home, she was scared to ride in a car, was mostly pacing around the house, and ripping pages from a magazine. I asked the Lord, if he wanted me to place mom in a nursing home he would have to work things out, and he did! I visited a nursing home and they had a bed the next week and she was approved for medicaid. All the things that needed to be in place for her to go. It was the hardest decision I had to make. Remembering the long ride to the nursing home and taking her in and saying here is my beautiful Rose. I knew that mom would never leave that place and it was the beginning of the final goodbye. My mom paced all day and sometimes the night, right up to the day she passed. She had not been eating much for most of the time she was there, and then finally nothing at all. I would go up with a picnic, I called it,with all her favorites and she just couldn't eat. She went from 121 pounds to 94 pounds. I visited her on Saturday, 4 days before her passing. She could not talk and her eyes were pretty fixed, but she was still pacing. She was laying down and I was sitting on the chair in front of her. She reached up with both hands and placed on my cheeks and drew me down and gave me a very gentle little kiss on my lips. It was if to say Goodbye, I love you! I will never forget that gesture of love. Then on July 2, they called and said she had walked to the breakfast table and then when they looked she was non-responsive. When I arrived at 11am she was restless, breathing loud and shallow and eyes pretty fixed. I kissed and loved on her as much as possible. I sang songs to her, said prayers, talked about her life and let her know we all loved her. I did give permission for her to go but it was not her time. At about 1pm they started giving her morphine every hour as she was moving so much. Then she was just sleeping and she was never going to wake up again here on earth. I went home at 8 pm and they always have someone stay with them during the night. At 4am July 3rd, moms journey ended and she opened her eyes in Heaven. I took home her pillow that we had brought there that she had slept on and I slept and hugged it last night. It still has her smell and so did her clothes. I am happy for mom to not have a demented mind nor a physical body that was old. The nursing home was not really a pleasant place to visit and I really did not like going there, but the people were kind and loving to her. I know the Lord had me place her there, because I had some time to start letting go. When she was placed in the nursing home I started the grieving process. I could not have handled the grief all at once, kinda like baby steps until the end. I will miss my beautiful mom and I will love her forever. I will continue to visit this site, so that maybe I can help and support someone else who is on this journey. I am so thankful to all the caring and kind people who took the time for me. This is truly a blessing to those of us as caregivers! Please everyone just keep on keepin on!

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Sujean, You have some wonderful memories of you and your mom, and your family all together. I couldn't stop smiling while reading it. Im sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry for your loss but praying the time you two were able to spend together, and knowing you were there for her will bring you comfort. I know your Mom is proud of you. Love and prayers .
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Sujean, I'm so sorry. I wish that some posters here, would read your words. And know that not all NH are bad or neglectful. As I read your words on how the NH still gussied up your mom every day, that just so touched me. There are some very good NH. You and mom were so fortunate to find them. Like the others, I thank you for sharing. {{HUGS}}
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Thank you for all the warm messages you are leaving me. My mom was a model for a big department store in 1949. She had pictures in the newspaper and was a model for an art class. She was a classy lady. I did her makeup everyday and of course hair and nails. She loved bling in her clothing and jewels. I told her she was beautiful and she would say so are you to me. She told me just about everyday that she loved me and thanked me for getting her dressed. She loved perfume and her glamorous necklaces and rings. When she went to the nursing home they continued to gussy her up, with makeup and eye shadow and of course her hot pink lipstick. I often told her she was a movie star and she would laugh. Even the day she passed she had on her makeup with her purple eye shadow. My beautiful Rose was a beautiful rose!
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I love so much reading the sweet memories. Your mother was a remarkable woman, Sujean. And you were the best daughter she could have hoped for.
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Sujean, thanks for sharing that, thanks for letting us all know that it does not have to be awful and some people who love life and live it well till the very last day. Every blessing to you and yours at this bittersweet time...
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i think for years to come when you make a decision you will weigh it against what mom would think . mom wasnt a dummy . some of these decisions will seem downright harsh . mom wouldnt have you jerked around and taken advantage of -- at least mine wouldnt and she was the poster girl for kindness , not wasting time and resources on stupid people .....

sounds harsh but there are people who cant be helped . they wont listen and will drag you down if not damage your mental health ..
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Sujean, I am so sorry for your loss. You did a wonderful job caring for your mom. She is looking down upon you and smiling. She is so proud of you and loves you for all you did for her.
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Sujean
So sorry for your loss. But the main thing it is that you was a admirable warrior for her welfare during all that tough years .
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Heartfelt condolences on the passing of your beloved mom. May you find peace in knowing you did all you could for her until the very end. Prayers to you and your family.
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