Mom passed away yesterday! Grateful for this forum! Moms journey!

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When I got mom 2 years ago to live with me, I was her caregiver and just 10 weeks ago placed her in a nursing home. I asked many questions here on this forum as this was my support group. There was always someone who would take the time to share their ideas or comforting words. I tried to keep mom cognitive as much as I could, and took her to lunch everyday. My moms first symptoms were seeing people in trees. I thought well that is pretty funny. She could see people there. She once started making peanut butter sandwiches for the people, because they must be hungry. She was a dance instructor in her early days and she said she would dance for them and they would clap! She waved at people pictures on the wall and talked and waved to the people on magazines. You see she was a friendly person who loved people. For mom all this started when she turned 80 and she passed at 84 1/2. At our home she was loved by my beautiful children and my amazing husband. She couldn't remember my husbands name so she just called him that nice man. For the first year I slept with mom every night because she was scared and I brought comfort to her. The second year I went to bed with her every night at 8pm. We watched tv and then when she feel asleep, I left. I started to return at 6am to help get her up. We had the most amazing time together, dancing, singing, laughing and loving. I tried many supplements and read anything to help her along her journey. Before I placed her in the nursing home, she was scared to ride in a car, was mostly pacing around the house, and ripping pages from a magazine. I asked the Lord, if he wanted me to place mom in a nursing home he would have to work things out, and he did! I visited a nursing home and they had a bed the next week and she was approved for medicaid. All the things that needed to be in place for her to go. It was the hardest decision I had to make. Remembering the long ride to the nursing home and taking her in and saying here is my beautiful Rose. I knew that mom would never leave that place and it was the beginning of the final goodbye. My mom paced all day and sometimes the night, right up to the day she passed. She had not been eating much for most of the time she was there, and then finally nothing at all. I would go up with a picnic, I called it,with all her favorites and she just couldn't eat. She went from 121 pounds to 94 pounds. I visited her on Saturday, 4 days before her passing. She could not talk and her eyes were pretty fixed, but she was still pacing. She was laying down and I was sitting on the chair in front of her. She reached up with both hands and placed on my cheeks and drew me down and gave me a very gentle little kiss on my lips. It was if to say Goodbye, I love you! I will never forget that gesture of love. Then on July 2, they called and said she had walked to the breakfast table and then when they looked she was non-responsive. When I arrived at 11am she was restless, breathing loud and shallow and eyes pretty fixed. I kissed and loved on her as much as possible. I sang songs to her, said prayers, talked about her life and let her know we all loved her. I did give permission for her to go but it was not her time. At about 1pm they started giving her morphine every hour as she was moving so much. Then she was just sleeping and she was never going to wake up again here on earth. I went home at 8 pm and they always have someone stay with them during the night. At 4am July 3rd, moms journey ended and she opened her eyes in Heaven. I took home her pillow that we had brought there that she had slept on and I slept and hugged it last night. It still has her smell and so did her clothes. I am happy for mom to not have a demented mind nor a physical body that was old. The nursing home was not really a pleasant place to visit and I really did not like going there, but the people were kind and loving to her. I know the Lord had me place her there, because I had some time to start letting go. When she was placed in the nursing home I started the grieving process. I could not have handled the grief all at once, kinda like baby steps until the end. I will miss my beautiful mom and I will love her forever. I will continue to visit this site, so that maybe I can help and support someone else who is on this journey. I am so thankful to all the caring and kind people who took the time for me. This is truly a blessing to those of us as caregivers! Please everyone just keep on keepin on!

20 Comments

God bless you for being a good and faithful daughter. She will watch over you now, and forever.
My sincere condolences to you. May a lifetime of memories comfort you.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved mother, Rose.
Tears are streaming down my face... you are a wonderful daughter.
I am sorry for your loss. What wonderful loving story. You have given me courage to face Dad's passing. hank you
Sorry to hear of your loss....please know we're all thinking of you.
What a beautiful message you posted about your moms passing.... I am sorry this part of your and her journey is over..... we will be thinking of you and sending healing prayers..... what a beautiful mom and daughter story... thank you for sharing and letting us know....
Sorry for your loss. Sad but she seemed to have a happy life and thats the main thing!
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. You described the events so well and lovingly. May your wonderful memories console you in the difficult moments ahead. Don't be a stranger here!
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful remembrance of your mom. You did her proud. May you find peace and comfort in your memories of your lovely mom.
So sorry for your loss. My mom passed away on June 1 three years ago. We, too, were blessed with enough time to do things that we enjoyed and to talk about everything under the sun. No matter how prepared we think we are, though, I "wailed" when Mom took her last breath. My best friend and I sat together for awhile as Hospice and the funeral home gave us privacy. We laughed and cried while reminiscing about the things mom used to do. I did well for awhile. Then, one night, I picked one of her dish towels to use. I could just see her tiny hands holding it, and I burst out crying. I was going to throw away the towel; but, a wise friend told me to put it away and that some day I would be able to use it. Sure enough, I can use it now and smile. So, prepare yourself for some unexpected moments of grief, but know that they will become precious memories that make you smile some day. I still have times when I miss her and the tears flow. When the tears stop, though, I feel as if she had been there to comfort me. My heart and thoughts are with you. When you hear about some of the sad and even cruel things some mothers have done to their daughters, knowingly or not, you will realize how blessed we are to have had special times with our moms, and we will cherish those memories forever. Thank you for sharing with us. There are so many loving and supportive people here. God bless you.

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