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I've been helping my 78 year old mother for ten years since my father had died. I moved her into my house at the age of 30 because she didn't have anywhere to go and there the problems started. She has been diagnosed with an early set of dementia, and has problems with diabetes and has also had a minor stroke. My mother is a very controlling and jealous person specifically with me. She has tried to set curfews on me, control who I see, and loves to throw guilt at me constantly. I am working on setting boundaries with her but sometimes she seems to be a professional boundary buster; set one boundary and she breaks another until I'm exhausted.

I have recently gotten into a new relationship and this has elevated things to a more difficult problem. Her attitude and and sometimes vicious personality have already ruined three potential partners for me and I don't want history to repeat itself. She makes it extremely difficult to spend time with my new partner and the verbal and emotional abuse gets unbearable at times.

I am currently seeking help with a psychologist, and am also taking two antidepressants to help me cope with her. I don't have help from my siblings because the two that said that they would help what they could are far away with no financial means to assist me. The other three who are nearby do not want anything to do with her and refuse to be a part of her or my life.

I am trying to get through all of this but I really am afraid that the same thing that has happened in the past is going to repeat itself and I don't want to re-live that again.

Thanks for your time.

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Please, please, I am begging you....live your life. Get your mother an apartment and I will say again ..."live your life". I did this with my parents, put my life on hold, put their needs above mine. Don't do it! Find her an apartment. If the financial situation is not good, then find her government housing, and file for food stamps and medicaid for her. Look up Narcissistic personality disorder and I bet she might have it. Do not give up living your life for her. I know that we are taught to care for family, but why do your siblings not want anything to do with her? Maybe she has already done this to them in small ways. If this were a romantic interest would you stay and take the abuse?
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Yup. And it is going to keep on repeating itself for another 5 or 10 or even 20 years.

It is time to move Mother out.

Setting boundaries isn't working, and it is taking way too much emotional energy. You deserve to live your life.

Your responsibility is to see that Mother has a clean, safe place to life, and the medical care she needs. This does NOT have to be your home. You two are not suited to live together. You tried. It is a disaster. Try something else.
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