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She moved in because she lived thousands of miles away and I am her only child. She has buried two husbands. All of her friends are dying and we couldn't move back to be close to her ad still make a living. We have had the nice casual, nonthreatening chat to explain our lifestyle and our home life vs. what she wants. She has her own wing, where she can do whatever she wants to her hearts content. I was speaking more from a psychological standpoint. I guess this is not the place for me to talk, I did not mean to offend anyone.
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Why did she move in with you in the first place? You all sound like very nice folks but I think you made a huge mistake. It's just a matter of incompatibility. I would be trying to figure out how to undo this.
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She's not really a church person but we are trying to get her out and about as much as possible! Part of the problem too is that I work from home and my wife works nights. So I'm on my own all day with her - and it's difficult to explain that while I'm in my office, I'm working. If I were to go to a 9-5 she certainly wouldn't call me every five minutes with questions but it's ok to come in my home office every five minutes!
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"Wasn't ready" for AL or IL? Actually she sounds like a perfect candidate. Given that she's gregarious and outgoing, perhaps it's time for a nice casual, nonthreatening chat to explain your lifestyle and YOUR home life vs. what she wants. If there's enough room for her to have a little apartment in her own area of your house, she could manage that to her heart's content, but clearly she's a dominant personality in terms of the way she wants to order her surroundings, so some accommodation needs to be made if she's to continue to live with you.

If she's really uncomfortable with the way your house is arranged, it might be time to re-introduce the concept of AL or IL.

The idea of finding activities for her is a good one though; sounds like she's fairly mobile, so she could find not only activities in which to become involved, but charitable work as well.

Meals on Wheels needs help delivering meals to homebound seniors; they might need assistance in packing the meals as well. Hospitals sometimes have need for people in gift shops; the VA in our area has someone to go from one area to another in the outpatient building and offer reading material to patients and family waiting to be seen.

Food pantries need help sorting and assembling (and perhaps organizing, which your mother might enjoy). Some senior centers also need staffing help.

Animals shelters might need help working with the animals; some libraries have programs by which children read to therapy dogs; an older person might be appropriate as well if she has a soft, comforting voice.

There are groups that make crocheted, knitted and quilted items for military personnel, for babies in NICU units.

She could also call 211 and ask which charities might need volunteer help.

I'm not clear - has she actually sold her house?
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Thank you for the suggestion - we did discuss it. Problem was that she 'wasn't ready' for IL or AL and we had recently bought a house. We would have done that anyway...but probably would have gone smaller if she didn't want to move here to be closer to us. She moved across country with a million boxes of stuff that we just got moved in and still have tons of stuff piled in the garage (another issue, we are minimalists, she's a pack rat). The original plan was for her to come stay with us a few months to see how it went but the expense of her going back and forth and keeping her residence there proved to be quite a bit so she just...moved here. She does go to events at the places you mentioned, though.
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My mom was always wanting to "do stuff" and rearrainge.. after awhile we just left her. She was bored and trying to keep busy. My hubs and I are like you,, we rarely go out. had just gotten daughter moved out..... opps, here came the folks. We do take her to the casino once every 6 weeks or so. Could you get her a church or a volunteer situation so she has some outside interests, and you get a break?
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A person with strong social drive and a need to be doing things does quite well at Independent Living or in Assisted Living, where there are activities morning noon and night, social dining, bus trips and entertainment. Like going on a cruise that never leaves the dock. Have her try it for a month.
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