Mom who won't listen, and is stubborn about seeing doctors.

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I've read a few posts about parents who don't seem to listen, and I can relate to most of them. I've also read the advice some give, and unfortunately those don't quite hit the mark of my situation. Myself and my two sons live with my mother in her home. My father passed away recently, but I have been managing their financial affairs for several years now as my father's Alzheimer's progressed.

My frustration now comes from not being able to hold conversations with my mother, either because it seems we are never in the same one (she talks about whatever comes to mind randomly, often in the middle of whatever I'm saying), or she will ask me questions about things, then immediately dispute whatever I say. I am the fifth of seven children, and the oldest daughter. I'm also the only one who really stepped up when they needed help. I don't expect praise for that, I figured it was a responsibility.

I would at least like to not always be the "bad guy". I sometimes let my frustration get to me when trying to discuss important matters with her, and she starts talking about unrelated things right over me. This is while looking right at me, she can see I'm talking, and says she is listening. Then if I let my frustration show, the situation becomes my fault for "yelling" or "being gruff". I don't understand why she does this, I have siblings who really do say hurtful things to her (brothers), and she seems to just make excuses for them.

My mother, up until a couple days ago, kept insisting she's in good health, because she "analyzes" herself, and she has no symptoms of anything. Her hearing and vision are good, according to her, yet she has selective hearing, and when doing dishes misses what should be obvious spots on plates, etc. A couple days ago, I end up having to take her to the ER for stomach pains, which she's had several times before and kept insisting it was just gas. Turns out her liver enzymes are elevated. It remains to be seen if she follows through with a specialist visit, or if I will have to push her in to it, as she tends to insist I do a lot.

I guess I have more patience than I give myself credit for, but I do find myself stressed out over her behavior. How do you deal with a parent that keeps acting like you're the problem, not them? I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I'm not always that bad guy, either.


Were you not told why her liver enzymes were elavated? This can cause mental changes.This may be why you are experiencing some behavior problems with her.Really , you need to follow thru about the elevated liver enzymes, this is serious.
Please share your experiences with the MD, he needs to know about her anxiety and obsession with self analysis. She may be under great stress herself, considering she is recently widowed and uncertain about her own future. I have to say that my MIL, who is in moderate vascular dementia, is VERY hard on her own daughter, very demanding and critical. Not so with her sons, and not with me. Get your mom some anxiety meds, and if she won't take them, you will need some soon.
To Texarkana, I fully intend to make sure she follows through now that we know her enzymes are off. I'm just gearing up for it to be a fight, because she dislikes doctors.
To Pam: Not likely, she is very anti-meds. I am sure it may be stress related, my father was diagnosed 6 years ago. It's been a roller coaster since then. But it is also that she thinks herself fully independent, and does not like to admit she needs help.
got your hands full, good luck.

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