Mom is gone.
My mother passed away on May 30th after collapsing at around 8am. She was at her asst. living and after the girls there assisted her with some eye drops she got up to go to her bedroom and collapsed. They said that right before that she seemed to be having an anxiety/panic attack which they thought was because her eye had been bothering her, then as she was walking away her head drew back quickly and she collapsed and stopped breathing.
Without going into details I can tell you all that the asst lvng place is great and I have no regrets about her care or any decisions I made. I saw mom very regularly and she had a great life. She was my dearest friend.
The only thing that is breaking my heart is that I think her "anxiety attack" was knowing that something was wrong and that she was scared and I wasn't there.
I can accept her dying, but one thing I can't handle is when someone is afraid and it is killing me thinking that she was so scared.
If any of you have any words that can help me through that thought, please offer them.
They said she had a massive heart attack (she had no previous heart issues and this was very unexpected). She was 88.
When I think about it, I figure that if she knew something was wrong, it was hopefully only for a very short time. And, I ask myself....would she have wanted me there to see them do CPR on her for 15-20 minutes? Probably not.
Never the less....my heart is breaking.
Please forgive me for grieving here, but I have read postings here for the past year or so and can't tell you all how much I have appreciated your comments, stories and advice. I just need your cheer-ups now.
I'm sure I am not the first nor the last to be here with a broken heart.
Love to ALL of you from TX