She is driving me crazy!

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This is a vent, and nothing more...I gotta get it out somewhere. My mom is driving me nuts. We bought a programmable coffee pot so she can have coffee in the mornings without trying to make it herself and making a huge mess. Someone in the house fixes it and turns it on every single night for her.

Anyway, she has started getting up around midnight and going in my sons's room and waking him up to ask him if he fixed the coffee. Well, this week he has exams, and she went in there at midnight, as usual, waking him up asking about the coffee. He told me about it this morning, and I said something about it to her. It went something like this-

Me: Why did you go in Joey's room and wake him up last night?
Her: To make my coffee.
Me: Yea, but at midnight?
Her: It wasn't late.
Me: Yes, it was and he has exams this week. You don't need to be doing that.
Her: Fine, I won't bother him anymore (crying now).
Me: Mom, stop that please. I just asked you to not wake him up at midnight. (She mumbles something rude).
Me: Mother, this is my house and you are not the only person living here. Please do not wake anyone up in the middle of the night for something like that again. Thank you.
Her: Weeping and crying now.

I never raised my voice, just spoke sternly. She has no respect for anyone else and expects us to just do whatever for her-ALL THE TIME. Makes me nuts.

Thanks for listening. Have a great day!

9 Comments

Susan, things like this sure make a person feel guilty. It is like you have to put up with things that aren't acceptable just to keep your mother from being upset. Does she have a touch of dementia along with her lung problems? I feel bad for your son and for you. These type things can make us feel crazy.
Yes, she does. Took her to a geriatric specialist this week and after the testing and reviewing of all of her scans, he labled her as being in the early stages of Alzheimer's. But even knowing that, the things she does and says drive me nuts. I think I'll be crazier than her before it's over lol :)
I know what you mean. I think they should start looking at the other side of dementia -- the people who are around that are going crazy. Sometimes we can talk until we're blue in the face, but it does no good. My own mother has gotten into a habit of opening the front windows at night. We live in a city that is considered dangerous. I tell her not to do this, but she won't listen. She said she doesn't worry about anyone coming in. She doesn't care if I worry or not. If you read the story of two senior women who were murdered in their sleep in Birmingham because they were dumb enough to open the windows at night, you'll know who it was. My mother does this even though the AC is on. And she does it when I sleep, so I can't do a thing about it. I wish she would just got to bed at about 8:00 and sleep the rest of the night. It is like having a gremlin loose in the house at night.

They tell us to just remember the person they once were and to know it is the disease. I have a feeling these "they" people probably didn't live with it 24/7. Thank goodness we have other caregivers to talk to.
Jessie, I completely relate to you. Instead of the windows, for her it's my front door. She goes outside in the middle of the night to smoke, which she shouldn't be doing, and then leaves the door wide open for anyone to come in and do whatever! We live in a rural area, but that doesn't mean there aren't bad people around. Just 1 more thing for me to worry about. Sigh.
Oh, I so relate. Mine says, "Well, when I was a girl we could leave our windows open and doors unlocked." I want to tell her that back then the Tyrannosaurus in the front yard would have guarded them and couldn't get through the window himself. My mother sees murder and mayhem on TV every day and hears about all the houses in the neighborhood that were broken into. Still, she thinks it won't happen to her. I hope that if it does that they leave me, the innocent victim, alone.

I thought about making the windows so they couldn't open easily, but I know she would just open the door. And you know how that feels. It's an open invitation for bad guys to come in and the AC to go out.
@ susan b,
" I think I'll be crazier than her before it's over"
my mom told her social worker monday that shes aware that shes crazy but im even crazier. wanted him to get me to the va to get my head looked at. " lets roll" lol.. ( maniacally )
Let it out, Susan!!
My Mom is frustrating as all heck as well. She has some kind of dementia --probably vascular-- her memory is good (well, slipping some now)but her reasoning skills?-- argghhh!

My first instinct is to tell you to totally ignore her crying and not even let it get to you. But then I remembered ,when my Mom was here and she got so mad at me because I would not let her sleep with her Requip so she could take it all night (she told my husband she takes up to 6 pills a night-so not right!!) I just became like a little girl not wanting her to be mad at me and tried to sooth her anger while not giving her meds. I was a mess. I should have just let her stew and not worried but it is hard.
((((hugs))))
at a later point it gets to be a 24 hour gig anyway. you will have to use your ears to monitor her activity in the house and innocently shadow her every activity in case she gets into something frustrating and causes herself a fall. she'll repay your concern by appearing at your bedroom doorway at least every 15 minutes. its like spy vs spy but they give her the good drugs and you have to remain soberish..
life aint fair sometimes..
I hate to say it but when it becomes a 24 hour gig, she'll have to live elsewhere. I have 3 teenagers to support and absolutely can not quit my job. We never planned for things to be this way. Makes me really sad.

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