My Mom (96) is always mad.

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My mom is always mad and does not want me out of her sight even if my brother or sisters are with her. she and i live together and although i work she expects me home immediatley after i get out of work. if i go with my daughter and grandchildren she is calling for me to come home. she is very rude and nasty. even when my sisters stay with her while i work she is always fighting with them and insulting them and she does the same with her provider.


Time to get mom a neuro-psych eval. It may be dementia related. Can you say more about her medical history?

My mom did this and it was very destructive to our family.
If you go somewhere shut your cell phone off. Time for assisted living or a nursing home before her behaviour destroys you all.
Mom is very alert and sharp. Her mind is all there, her only problem is high blood pressure which she has been on medication for years. She recently has a minor stroke in February and that is when she got worse cause she has always been this way. But since the stroke we do not leave her alone cause she walks slowly with a walker but she is constantly upset at everyone and denies it when we ask her why she is mad and rude.
Strokes can damage the brain tissue in ways very similar to dementia. My mom had a stroke in her 60s and was not the same person after. It didn't help improve her personality any, that's for sure.

Being angry, mean, impatient, sharp, rude, etc. is *not* a normal sign of aging. Geriatric medicine is a specialty for a reason, just like pediatrics is. Older people do not react to medications like somebody 45 years old would. Older people tend to have more complex situations.

My mom had multiple other "mini strokes" after her big one, which has not helped her one bit. She also has Alzheimers, and we'll never know what brought that on - if it was the strokes or something else.

I would err on the safe side and have her seen by a geriatric specialist to rule out anything a regular old GP hasn't found.

If your mom has always been this way she's not likely to change. That means it's up to you to change if you don't want to keep living like this. Like Ashlynne said, turn off your phone. Be considerate and tell your mom that you won't be home after work because you'll be seeing your grandchildren and leave it at that. You don't have to answer the phone every time she calls and if she keeps calling just shut the phone off. If she calls and calls and calls and you finally pick up out of exasperation your mom will have learned that all she has to do is badger you over and over and she will get the attention she craves. So set boundaries and shut the phone off while you're occupied doing something else.

You don't have to participate in her neediness. It's not reasonable that she be with you every free second you have everyday and I'm sure her needing that sucks the life out of you. Create boundaries. You don't have to make a big announcement out of it, just have boundaries where her particular behavior is not ok with you. And then stick to them.
I wonder if people get angry because they know they are getting older, and they won't be able to do every thing they did years earlier. And the rest of their life is slipping away. I know I would be a bit grumpy and scared, too.
Freqflyer == mourning the loss of independence & youth is part of it. Being scared of the decline is another part. This can be helped with talk therapy, support groups, and sometimes anti-depressants. People can come to peace with the idea of "home going". Hospice spends a lot of time on this in particular (supposed to...)

When none of that works, you have to consider it's a bigger problem than just a fear of aging. It can be a stroke or dementia related personality change that can't be helped with therapy because the brain is physically damaged. It could be a long term/old personality disorder that was never diagnosed & treated. This is usually a big family secret, or everyone has found ways to avoid the mental illness name for it by saying she's had a bad mood her whole life, or she can't handle stress, or even blaming the caregivers for not doing enough to make her happy (since the day they were born).

Has there ever been a situation where blaming the caregiver actually helped anything?
Sandwich42, I know in my parents generation you never heard of anyone going a psychiatrist. Like you said, it's a big family secret. My parents would probably faint if they knew that my S/O and I had gone for therapy to deal with *life*. But the therapy was good, well worth the time and effort.
yes get her seen to asap my mum behaved like this a few years ago but only towards me i realised that im the only one she feels safe with as i was here when she had a seizure and knew what to do if my sister had been here shed be dead! Ive heard of lots of people getting dementia after a stroke. Mum was bad but not as bad as yours maybe she knows something is wrong and shes hitting out in fear this is what my mum did. Now shes alot less angry!

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