My Mom is hard to please, she complains about everything.

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She complains in a way to put down, there is always something wrong with what I cook, she won't eat well and feeds the rest to the dogs. I feel like I can't do anything right, it gets me down and depressed.


Has she always used negativeness to control your behavior or is this a new phenomenon?
DITTO, LindaMarie!. A friend of mine who cares for his 90-year old mother says the same thing. He advised me it's about control and attention. (When my mother used to tell me to jump, I ask how high and stop whatever I was doing to please her.) I've come to totally agree with my friend. Sometimes my mother complains that she's sick when she definitely is not. I'll tell her I'm sick, too. When it's 90 degrees she'll complain that it's cold. An hour after she's eaten a hearty meal, she complains that she's hungry. I've kind of learned to stop her complaining by heaping my own real and imagined complaints right back on her. At least she stops her for the time being. Also my mother routinely says grace. I know it's just a habitual recitation rather than meaningful words. Immediately after her "Amen" I remind her how blessed she is to have all of her needs taken care of by God and me. That stops her complaints for a little while, too. LOL!
Does she have dementia? Frustrations from memory loss will cause complaining...
My mum was always negative her whole life and thats why shes no friends and family find it hard to be around her! She has now just got worse she dosnt complain about my cooking but has gone off chicken etc..things she used to love your mum may be going off food and is complaining to cover up her lack of interest in food? My mum loved her food now she says ill have a small bit im not hungry? I asked her why she wasnt hungry shed say "ive gone off food theres nothing I like anymore"? I think this is a part of dementia as its just not like her all she wants to eat is bread and jam or cheese. I always make sure theres stuff in fridge for a sandwich as she wont eat complicated food or should i say she wont cook anything thats too much concentration.
My mums been an unhappy woman all her life no matter what weve done for her its never enough ive given up trying to make her happy and just make sure shes safe and looked after what on earth more can you do? as long as im running around after her shes happy she sits in front of tv all day and dost want to do anything. She was never like this but think she has depression with the dementia or is angry as she knows something is wrong and is trying to hide it? My friends mum had als and was a very calm gentle woman until she got ill she was always moaning and was never happy always giving out so the illness caused this.
Just smile and then go outside, run naked down the street screaming your head off!!!! thats what ive wanted to do at times watch this space...................
This is probably the biggest challenge that I have caring for my Mother. She just lights up when there is negative news. So sad and depressing. The way that I deal with it is to try not to take it personally. Easier said than done however. I got into with my Mother about her negative comments a couple of nights ago and NEVER again will I do that. It was awful and went nowhere because she does not remember and I just felt awful for a few hours. After all of the crying and yelling were over she came up to me and said "I don't know why you are picking a fight with me." She says such hurtful things and just goes on about her day so why should I listen to that nonsense and have it affect my life. So hard, but this is all temporary.
Hadenough I hear the same thing. Any time I disagree with my Mom I'm picking on her. So now I just nod my head a lot.. Then when I walk away I flip my finger! Lol
I experience the not wanting to eat thing with MIL. Not hungry. Dr. said part of the disease. The brain not longer can tell them they are hungry. I suppose it might be the body's way of shutting down rather naturally when the brain is not functioning properly any more. Years ago elders would just slowing fade and go. It was like they shrunk away. I think I am also noticing she is not aware of sensing pain as much. Anyone else finding this to be the case? It is a sad disease and especially since it is robbing both you and your mom of your lives.
The appetite does go down as we age. Normal - part of nature. What I have a problem with is other family members telling me how to get her to have proper nutrition. They do not live here! I make her small meals that will not overwhelm her and her tiny appetite. She maintains her weight but I never insist she try and eat. OMG - she is 90 and can friggin eat whenever she wants. I try and tell the family members - in a nice way of course - that nature will take its course and until they find me the fountain of youth I am doing all I can. One day at a time - bless all of you who are in the same situation.
This is the most wearying thing to me. The complaints, negativity, and criticism is something I can depend on every day. To add to the woes, my mother now makes up stories to feel bad about. My brother came to visit today and she made up stories of things people, including me, told her. She put herself as playing an active part in her stories, interacting with people she had not interacted with, having conversations that never happened. None of the tales were happy ones. They were all negative. I told my brother when he left that very little of what Mom told him happened. It was worrisome to hear one story that has been building for a year now had a whole cast of characters who were mad at each other. And all of these characters were mad at me, so they weren't going to finish some work. Huh???

If you want to go crazy, listening to someone confabulate your life in front of you will do it. If I had a less firm grip on reality I would probably be adrift in confusion.
After helping my Mom through the first year and a half after Dad's death she now labels me a control freak and says the most mean, negative things to me. I enjoyed helping her through the estate process, teaching her about the bills and generally being there for her. She made me POA and executrix of her will and swore she would never trust my brothers again particularly the oldest. Now 18 months later, she is negative about everything, including me. Worse she has started to seek the council of one of my brothers who totally manipulated money and favor out of Dad his entire life. I'm not sure which hurts more, that she now thinks I only helped her for some alterior motive or the prospect of manipulating brother back in my life. He also tried to make my life as miserable as possilbe for decades.

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