I think my mom has given up the will to live.

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My mother has had dementia for the past 7 years, possibly even longer. This past October she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, although there was no biopsy done or tests, just an examination by an obgyn who said, "I am calling it, she has cervical cancer." She is also incontinent and has been for several years now, though inconvenient, it was not as hard before now since she could still walk and stand, until this past month. Now she has become like a big, heavy, rag doll. She does not give me any assistance in transfering her from bed to wheelchair, potty chair, or anything else. Her body goes completely limp. This morning while trying to change her and get her up I lifted her to a sitting position on the edge of her bed, went to grab her wheelchair closer and she just fell straight back, bumping her head on the rail. I was in tears, literally. I had to change the changing cloths under her, so still needed to lift her out of the bed, again she made no effort whatsoever to help in standing or pushing herself up and I hurt myself again trying to lift her limp body from bed to wheelchair, I could not even get her all the way back into the chair so I had to do a quick change of the sheets and lift her back into the bed just so that she would not slide out from the chair. So now there we are, she is laying in her bed, which at least has rails to hold her in, and saying "don't worry, you won't have to do this much longer." I asked her why she doesn't want to help me or to get out of bed and she just says she doesn't want to anymore, and to just toss her into the trash. I feel so sad right now and am overdone, physically and emotionally. Has anyone else been through this? Sorry if this post is a bit lengthy, it's my first.


My heart broke when I ready your post. My Dad is currently in a very caring nursing home where many of the residents suffer from Dementia. During the past year I have seen several women in their late ninteys, who actually were quite highly functioning pass. They had expressed to love ones that they were tired and had lived their life. I have also met individuals who have battled cancer, bed ridden with late stage dementia and others who will not improve and wish to pass on. Two women who were over 100 who for their age were doing well but were also "tired." Looking forward to peace and ready for the transition to a better place.

Have you considered calling hospice and getting professional help and advise?. Please explore all the alternatives and resources available. I believe this is one of the most difficult periods and transitions that will occur in your life time.

My Dad has been close to death several times and has rallied. He has told me that he wished he had passed two years ago (broke his neck following a fall but has thrived). I know that one day this will not be the case and he will no longer rally and it will be the time. My Dad is the most loving father and I love him dearly. From reading your post it is evident that you love your mother. l have also felt excrutiating sadness and been physically and emotinally spent. I do believe that one day there will be an emotional calm. It is a very difficult life journey. Take Care and my prayers are with you. This is a very supportive community and I trust that you will find empathetic support. I hope this post helps a little.

My heart goes out to you and you have been doing an amazing job taking care of your mother which now demands herculean strength to assist her physical needs. It is so sad to watch those we love fail; especially when we have a special relationship with them and want to do all we can to meet their needs.

Sand56 gave you good advice; especially about contacting hospice. These people are amazing and can assist you in so many ways. My mother passed away in August. Long story short, she was in a nursing home with multiple physical and mental problems - contracted pneumonia and failed rapidly. She was in the hospital for about 3 weeks and then sent back to NH. I was with her constantly and taking care of her - but, her symptoms of being "so tired of it all" were similar to your mother. Hospice was called in and evaluated her. She had had hospice before and rallied back. But, she just wasn't strong enough anymore. They were the people who guided me and got me through.

Things can change quickly and with hospice on board; they know the measures to take to keep the person comfortable and have so many resources to help.

My thoughts and prayers are with you - hugs across the miles.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are with you. You are doing an amazing job with your mother. I second what the others have said - contact hospice to help you through this. Hugs.
Oh, my, that hurt my heart. Turn on Christian music in her room. Open the curtains, make sure she has as much natural sun light as she can get. Tell her you love her. Oh my eyes are tearing up. I really feel for you. I agree with everyone else here, call hospice. Give her some liquid vitamins, energize has some, they come in packets and you just add to water. Lord please comfort this beautiful lady and her Mom. I ask this in Jesus's name. Amen.
Thank you all for the advice and support. My mom and I have been through a lot of tough times through the years, hallucinations, fractured femur, colon re-sectioning, polyps removal and colonoscopy, cancer, pneumonia, and more, all on top of the dementia. Never before had she sounded like she had given up. We both always tried to look forward and keep hope alive, so it really hit me hard when she started not to. I hope this too shall pass and am also getting hospice in to help. Thanks again.

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